What if you could shift from “there’s something wrong with me” to “I’m not settling”?
I specialize in helping smart, ambitious single and divorcing women love themselves first, \stand up for their value, and live full lives in every arena, from the bedroom to the boardroom.
Our work is about helping you to look forward in a meaningful way to the life you want to create and then making it happen through actionable baby steps.
Through our sessions, you will get clarity on your dreams and goals and we don’t stop there. You’ll have an action plan to achieve it and my support every step of the way.
I bring my “quirky,” “quirkyalone/together” and “wet” perspectives to our work–I’m not your typical life coach. We strip away the societal programming that may have you down to shift your beliefs and behaviors and create more freedom and possibilities instead.
The story you come in with about yourself and your life will not be the story you leave with. You will see yourself in new ways.
I help you with:
- Loving yourself first, with lots of self-worth, self-respect, boundaries and self-care to create a life that works for you. Finding the confidence to love yourself and not settle for someone because you are afraid of growing old alone.
- Articulating what you really want in the realm of relationships. Opening up to greater intimacy in dating and relationships and learning how to communicate your needs and desires
- Embodiment, sensuality and sexuality. If you are living entirely from the neck up, I help you reconnect to your body and your sensual joy through coaching (and through tango if you choose to come to Buenos Aires too!)
- Getting clear on goals and what you really want in your life, work/career, and relationships–as opposed to what you are supposed to want.
- Career transitions and reinventions: figuring out what you want to do with your career, whether you’re working a 9-5 or taking an entrepreneurial path
- FUN! Filling your life with more pleasure so you are living the moment and enjoying your life fully
I offer a creative alternative to therapy that can help you start living your full life now (not later)…
Through my coaching practice, I provide a unique, deep, creative, and action-oriented alternative to therapy to help you make lasting change.
We will start by getting clear about the goals of our working together, and then I will help you to achieve those goals step-by-step through a path of actionable baby steps.
During our 50-minute to hourlong sessions, I ask you gentle, probing questions and offer insights that help you unearth and explore possibilities for your life.
Many clients say there is a distinct before and after quality to working with me. Some also say things like “that was exhilarating and mind–bending” and “It feels great to be working on something as opposed to standing still.” You can read more experiences about working with me below and on my Yelp page.
Here are some examples of diverse real-life problems and situations I have helped clients with:
- understanding past patterns in relationships (or being single) as we look at your “quirkyalone nature” and what you really want for your life and relationships
- living fully whether you are single or in a relationship (if you find yourself shying away from opportunities because you don’t have a significant other to share them with…)
- building more self-worth and self-love and ability to make decisions from your own needs rather than always bending to others
- learning new communication skills. If something in a relationship upsets you, you will have tools at the top of your brain to bring forward communication instead of stewing and staying chronically angry about what happened.
- clarifying whether you want to have children
- negotiating, and moving on from a divorce with the best settlement possible. Working with me can result in much better deals!
- healing the effects from past abuse that was stopping you from being open to dating or fully loving yourself
- setting healthy boundaries and clear communication with a committed partner
- taking the risk to move to a new city to create a new life
- leaving a secure job to follow a dream of a new career
- healing from vaginismus to have great sex with a committed partner
- improving your sexual connection with your partner as you learn to speak up in bed and connect to your own sexual energy
Self-worth is always a theme of our work. I will not let you settle in a so-so life, work, or sell yourself short for scraps in a relationship–or in your relationship with yourself.
When you work with me, you will get:
- Support to take risks to find out what really lights you up, so you are living life to the fullest
- Personalized guidance from a woman who has a fierce will to live life to the fullest and has broken the mold in her own life.
- A coach and guide who is independent minded: someone who’s not lockstep with any set societal idea of what life should be, who can help free you from conventional thinking to find what is really true and right for you.
My coach training comes from CTI, the largest coach-training institute in the world, and I supplement this with my decades of experience supporting quirkyalone women and men, along with training in memoir, writing as healing (the Hero’s Journey), tantra, female sexuality, tango, psicotango, and trauma healing.
As the author of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics (Harper San Francisco, 2004) and the founder of the quirkyalone movement (which I launched back in 2000), I have deep experience helping thousands of single women.
I’m definitively a coach by training and approach, but many clients call me their therapist because of the depth of our conversations and the support you receive. One client told me, “I had a psychologist and a pleasure coach, but I’d prefer to talk with you weekly.”
Since we’ll be working closely together, you can get to know me a bit here. Here’s a video where you can learn about me and my work as a writer and a life coach for modern single women.
I incorporate tango (or another dance or form of movement) into my work with some clients. If that interests you, you can hear me talk about how that works here.
My approach is to go deep–and to also always help you bring our work out into your everyday life so you are living, thinking, and acting differently in the direction of the goals we create together for our work.
In the last ten minutes of every session, we co-create your “playwork.” I call it “playwork” because that’s more fun than “homework,”
Playwork is what you do between our sessions, and it’s where the rubber hits the road. You do your playwork within the structure of our coaching relationship, so you are held accountable to move forward.
Often the playwork involves writing and reflection, or it’s some sort of practical step, creative project, or conversation to help you advance our goals in the real world or to help you change beliefs and look at things in a different way.
Each piece of playwork is a baby step, and over time, these baby steps add up to big changes.
Some examples of playwork:
- creating a checklist to guide your yes or no for a decision (on a date, or an opportunity)
- facing a fear, such as having a tough conversation with communication strategies you learn from me
- co-creating a frequent goddess ritual that honors your body and acknowledges that it is capable and worthy of pleasure, joy and sensuality
- punching pillows to release anger
- going to a salsa class to explore sensuality
- pussy-focused walking (you’ll learn what this is)
- rewriting a dating profile to get clear on what you really want
- doing art (making a collage) to envision the type of relationship you really want
- going to networking events and reporting back on conversations
- looking in a mirror and saying I’m valuable
- list of things you are proud about in a certain area
- presentations, look over a pitch, or practicing a pitch
The playwork is all assigned/based on the therapeutic work we do during the Skype sessions. It will be based on your dreams, real-life interpersonal conflicts, inner conflicts, limiting beliefs, problems that need creative solutions, things you have been procrastinating on or are afraid to do, beliefs that aren’t serving you, and so on.
Don’t forget: I’m also the one who wrote a book on to-do lists, so we use that framework to turn your desired changes into a series of baby steps that make this all a series of doable things you will be checking off on your list, one-by-one.
My clients tend to be women who are highly educated and want to life a fully expressed life whether they are single or coupled.
My clients range in ages from twentysomething to sixtysomething, and they live all over the world: the U.S., Europe, Canada, Australia, and South America. The best part about working via Skype is that you can live anywhere. We find a time that works for both of us to talk twice a month, and you can do this work from the comfort of your own home, or anywhere you have a private space (such as a conference room at work).
Many are academics, creative types, in business as entrepreneurs, or working in government or nonprofits. Most either identify with being or enjoy the quirkyalone concept, and feel “quirky” in some way. Some like the idea of being “wet.” Wet is a metaphor that I am working with in my new book that is all about being in touch with your body’s desires to help guide your choices in life.
“As a result of working with Sasha, my confidence in myself was sky-high: I changed careers, restarted dating in an open/honest way and I joined a local tango community. I owe much of my new outlook on life and ways of interacting with others to Sasha. I have peace, satisfaction and a true view of my worth. If you are stuck or just can’t get rid of a nagging feeling that your life is moving by without you, Sasha can help.”
“’I’ve worked with a coach for 10 years—working with Sasha has taken coaching to a new level. Aside from the fact that Sasha is the first woman to ask me to listen to my pussy — as well as my mind, heart and gut— Sasha has a unique style of coaching. She assigns “playwork” which she reads thoroughly before and after sessions, which makes sessions less of a “catch-up” and more of a “dig in.” Sasha isn’t a “yes person”— she challenges you, keeps you on track, always in a compassionate and collaborative way.”
“I’d done therapy in the past, but working with Sasha felt more actionable and relatable. Now, I’m actually dating, which is completely new for me. I’m meeting new people more frequently, too. If you are considering working with Sasha, DO IT (all capital letters and tons of emphasis)! You will see so much change in a short amount of time. Sasha has a gift for helping people quickly realize what they want and why they’re holding themselves back from getting it.”
“Sasha has supported my emotional and creative growth in many ways. We have discussed a wide range of topics including relationships, work-life balance, creativity, nonviolent communication, ambivalence about raising a child, and being authentic. I learned new skills and tools through our sessions, which have been more effective than my previous experiences with talk therapy and life coaching. I have grown significantly through working with Sasha. I highly recommend working one-on-one with her.”
“I was intrigued when Sasha said that when you explore sexuality it impacts all areas of life, I was coming out of a long marriage with an incompatible partner. I had a typical English reserved feeling toward sexuality; everything is very unspoken. Sasha easily picked up on what I was saying. The top thing I learned by working with Sasha is to value sex. Now I’m having the best sex of my life!”
“Sasha practices what she preaches, really diving into learning about her own life and using those experiences to help people change their lives to be more in alignment with who they *really* are. She is adventurous, wise, and willing to be vulnerable in her work and coaching which for me, is HUGE. I don’t really trust people with my personal information who aren’t vulnerable themselves.”
“I began working with Sasha at a time of transition. I had left my job, run off to live and work at a yoga retreat center. When I returned to the Bay Area, I needed help integrating all that I had learned into a new framework. Sasha guided me with wisdom, compassion, and humor, helping me to continue to make small shifts, set manageable goals, and to practice self-care. I strongly recommend working with Sasha as a life coach. Whether you’re struggling with relationships, languishing in old patterns, or making some major life changes, Sasha has the skills and experience to meet you where you are.”
You can also read reviews on Yelp here.
You tried to work through this yourself but have remained stuck in the status quo.
You may have tried to address these issues in various ways. The therapist was okay, but you just vented and didn’t see the change you long for. Or perhaps the therapist didn’t quite understand the quirkyalone life experience or have comfort talking about “wet” topics.
Self-help books have strategies but you never do them and they are not tailored for you and your unique needs and personality. A self-help book also can’t hold you accountable.
Talking to friends is good but there are things or a certain depth of things you can’t expect them to take on.
A private Facebook group might give you direction but it’s not a structured process to keep you accountable and help you make change.
The fee is $275 to $350 a month, sliding-scale, according to what you can budget. This fee covers two sessions (50 minutes to an hour) monthly plus all the time and attention I give you on your “playwork” through email support that will keep you on track. Many clients say this kind of support keeps them moving forward more than just talking in therapy sessions.
My rates are very low for the level of master coach experience I bring to you. The rates will be increasing soon for new programs. If you want to work with me I encourage you to jump in before fall 2019 (North American fall) when new rates and programs will be introduced.
Request Initial Consult
Want to explore coaching with me? Tell me a little bit about you and what you want to focus on or get help with.
I work with clients in the U.S., Europe, and South America via phone or Skype, so you can live anywhere in the world. Because we work via Skype or phone, you can do this work from the comfort of home or work (if you have a private space during the workday).
I read your answers to the request consult form. As long as I believe I can help you based on your answers, we will set up a time to talk via phone or Skype for about 20 minutes to get to know each other. I’ll ask you some questions to find out more about you and what you want to explore or achieve and explain how coaching with me works. Then we can decide if it’s a good fit.
I look forward to “meeting” you! The first step is to fill out the form below.
Tell me about you
Note: If you are not sure the form goes through email me at sasha AT sashacagen DOT com or try the “talk to me” form at the bottom of the page!