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a memoir

Talking with the BBC World Service

Once upon a time, when I was 35, I appeared often as a self-help guru for “happy singles” in the media, on CNN, NPR, in The New York Times.

I talked about the growing trend of single people not settling for less than what they really want in love, telling listeners how to live their best lives with or without a partner, and trust that love was on the way.

Everything I said was wise and sensible. In fact, I would sometimes read my own book Quirkyalone to cheer myself up. The only problem was that I wasn’t sure I bought my own advice.

In reality, I was a self-help guru with a secret.

I wasn’t sure love was on the way for me.

I never told anyone I thought myself unlovable.

After all, I was supposed to be the queen of self-love as the author of Quirkyalone.

That must be why I made such a radical choice to ditch it all at 36 and go off to South America.

This is the story I tell in my memoir WET.

Finding my feet in the Amazon, Brazil.

This memoir (in progress) is about surrendering to a deeper intuition about how to live my life, in ways that frankly scared me to the core.

Trading in my product manager life in Silicon Valley for an open ticket to South America was going to be the path to finding a new life of pleasure, sensuality, and happiness, but in reality, for years, I found myself in one edgy situation after the next.

I don’t know if I was brave or had poor boundaries, but I was been born with a fuck-it gene that led me to do a lot of things that were way out of my comfort zone.

From wearing a bikini for the first time in Brazil to letting myself be drawn in by love triangle with an artistic couple in Rio de Janeiro. From learning tango in a garage in Colombia to learning orgasmic meditation in a sex cult.

At every step, questions from the past bubbled up through my body: Why had a healthy long-term romantic relationship been so elusive? Why did a sex-positive woman like me still struggle with so much shame?

In WET you get to come along for an intimate ride and learn what I learned about healing my wounds of growing up a girl and woman, about sexuality, sensuality, healing trauma, and what it takes to figure yourself out, what you really want.

This was my wet path, a path that took me through my body. That’s why I connected with my body, I can see in retrospect. It can be incredibly difficult to speak out loud about past traumatic experiences. My body spoke out loud the things I had never been able to say.

What I can see now in all of these sensual adventures, all this wandering, is that I was unknowingly trying to heal from a secret that I had kept for decades.

I was also working on reversing the insidious messages that all women get fed in a patriarchal, capitalist society. The ones that tell us our body’s only value is as a vessel for procreation, as a sex object, or that we have an expiration date on our vitality and sexuality, it would be all over for me at a certain age (you fill in the blank).

Since I grew up in Rhode Island among the ghosts of Puritans, I work hard to let go of repressive slut-shaming, anti-woman influences every day. I love to do the same in my work.

The title is designed to make you blush. I want you to feel a visceral sense of turn-on in reading the book. WET represents that feeling of turn-on, not only sexual turn-on but the turn-on of feeling alive. It’s about being open to intuition, it’s an homage to female sexuality that gets diminished in our culture into being a caricature, a performance. It’s about reclaiming female sensuality and sexuality.

Ultimately WET is a story of healing, of unlocking secrets through the body, of a woman creating her own definition about what it means to be truly alive and live a turned-on life beyond the roles of wife and mother. It’s a memoir about what happens when you open up to the unknown and let life take you rather than trying to control everything through a to-do list (to-do lists were the subject of my second book).

My hope is that WET will help you find your own answers for an authentic, satisfying life and inspire you on your own path of healing toward full aliveness and total knowledge of your self-worth.

To understand more about what I mean when I say WET, listen to this podcast where my friends Lindsay and Lani at Fuck Dating interview me.

W(h)et your appetite for more. Sign up for this special list

I am so excited about the conversations WET will spark among women.

The wet community is forming as we speak. 

To be wet is to be a student of your emerging self. To get wet is to dive in.

The wet path can feel risky (not to mention slippery) since it’s not the mainstream way of life (ambition at the cost of our own well-being).

What does it really mean to listen to your body to make big life decisions? Is it possible to find one’s way in life by following pleasure, or to find healing through hedonism? What is the purpose of pleasure?

Please sign up for my special WET LIST at the bottom and tell me what “wet” means to you. Later you will get a sneak peek of the book and be part of an early group of readers giving feedback to define the distinctions of wet vs. dry.

If you can’t wait to get wet …Through my 1-on-1 coaching programs I share with clients what I’ve learned through this amazing adventure to help you come alive and know yourself through your body too. I would love to help you “find your wet” by working in this body-mind life-coaching programs.

If that calls to you can reach out to me here.