Single women: Meet your new best friend Sara Eckel, author of It’s Not You

by | Jan 27, 2014 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

It's Not You is a wise new book for single women

I love to share things that I love.

And I am in love with Sara Eckel’s new book It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You Are Single. Every single woman should read this book!

Back in 2011, Sara wrote a popular Modern Love column in the New York Times Sometimes, It’s Not You where she told the story of the many ways she tried to improve herself in her search for love. She felt ashamed about her lack of relationship experience in her 30s. When she finally met her husband at 39, he didn’t care. He thought he was the lucky one. She was available!

Sara got such a huge response to her essay (kind of like the huge response I got to my original quirkyalone essay) that she too developed her ideas into a book. It’s Not You is so smart, comforting, logical, readable, wise, and true.

The book is structured as a series of 27 short, delightful chapters. In each chapter, she directly addresses the negative explanations that women are told about why they are still single. (The book is aimed at women who do want a partner.) She quite handily deconstructs them and provides sane, Buddhist-inspired advice about having compassion for yourself, wherever you are.

Check out 12 of the chapters. Do these sound familiar?

You’re Too Intimidating
You’re Too Desperate
You’re Too Sad
You Need Practice
You’re Too Fabulous to Settle Down
You’re Too Picky
You Need to Be Happy Alone
You Are the Constant
You Don’t Really Want A Relationship
You Have Low Self-Esteem
You’re Too Available
You Have Issues

My story is in Chapter 23 “You’re Too Old.” I share the fear that almost stopped me from going traveling in South America when I was 36. I was afraid I would be screened out of the online dating pool when I came back and was 37. The truth has turned out to be the opposite. Doing what turns me on in life has made MANY more men ask me out on online dating sites and IRL (in real life). When I think back about all the time I wasted believing this lie “you’ll be too old,” I think, what a waste of energy! I hope Sara’s book will help millions of women learn how to tune out these fear-based messages about what’s wrong with us, so we can focus on what’s right and what we really want for our lives.

Sara Eckel and I will be collaborating to bring our shared wisdom in the future in some form yet to be determined–so stay tuned. I’m so excited to create with her. For now, I so recommend you read her book, it’s so clear and comforting, you’ll feel like you’ve met a new, wise best friend.

I also want to share this page with you: Quirkyalone Reading List: Recommendations for an Empowered Bookshelf. These are books to inspire your quirkyalone/quirkytogether/quirkyslut life. Please add any books that you think should be added as a comment on the page.

As a side note, later this year, I’m thinking about the idea of organizing an online monthly quirkyalone book club. If this sparks your interest to read and discuss books with other quirky souls, let me know a) if you are interested and b) what you’d like to read and discuss with others. Leave a comment on this page.


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Hi! I’m Sasha

Executive and Life Coach on a mission to help women connect with their bodies to pursue their truest desires in the bedroom and the world.

Author of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics (HarperCollins) + To-Do List: From Buying Milk to Finding a Soul Mate, What Our Lists Reveal About Us (Simon & Schuster).

At work on a memoir called Wet, about adventures in healing through sensuality.

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