Three Tangasms, or, I’ll Have What She’s Having

by | Dec 11, 2014 | Tango | 0 comments

Virginia Vasconi and her regular dance partner

Virginia Vasconi and her regular dance partner

If you follow my writing, you know that I am interested in the power of pleasure including and beyond sex. One of my favorite -asms is the “tangasm,” an experience of all-over-the-body pleasure that I first discovered when I was a beginner in tango in my very first month of dancing.

To understand the tangasm experience better and share with you, I have asked three of my dear dancer friends, Virginia Vasconi, a professional tango dancer and teacher at DNI Tango, Nele Reial, my co-guide in the Quirky Heart Tango Adventure, and Juan-Pablo Genovese, an incredible soul that I met at ETI (Encuentro de Tangueros del Interior) (a tanguero rave for tango dancers outside Buenos Aires in Argentina) to share their most memorable tangasm with me–and you. When I shared these tangasm stories with my friend Laurence, she posted the stories on Facebook saying, “I’ll have what she’s having.” Exactly.

If you have an asm-to share of any kind, any experience of pleasure or ethereal connection that took you out of the everyday and to another planet, whatever this inspires you, then let me know in the comments. I’d love to hear what unexpected connection sent you to another world. And if you come to Buenos Aires with me I will do my best to prepare you for your first tangasm.

Virginia Vasconi’s Tangasm
“This Tangasm was not my first but was an important one that marked a decisive point in my tango career. I was at the Chicago Tango Festival two years ago teaching and performing. By the way, I’m a professional tango teacher and dancer. [A great teacher and dancer!–ed. note Sasha]

In general, when you dance tango to make a living, many things are lost. When I rehearse with my regular partner, I’m focused on technique, foot-work, steps, creating and coordinating moves, following the music, looking elegant, beautiful, connected, etc. The connection, which is the essence of tango, turns out to be a well-known ordinary feeling, even when you struggle to make it better. This is as difficult as it is to work out a long-term marriage, when routine predominates and feelings are put aside for second place.

How do you recover the essence and feeling of passion, how can you stimulate that inner sensation?

Coming back to the festival on the last night I felt happy about my performance but I was missing something. I wondered: Why am I doing this? Where is my voice as a woman? Why am I feeling incomplete? What part of me is not pleased?

I will never forget that night in the Chicago Festival. One the most experienced teachers (a real gentleman and sweet person) invited me to dance.

Here is the moment I have no more words to describe. All of a sudden all the questions were answered, all my technique and theories were forgotten, all my judgments were vanished to give room to my tangasm! I felt like the luckiest woman on earth. I lost completely the notion of time and space. I felt that I was not even on this planet (or maybe I wished it). I remember the heartbeats, the temperature on my body, the feeling of not wanting to separate from the embrace between each song (I think we barely did). We were attached to each other as if velcro was between our chests.

Just this moment, this instant, I felt so alive! The same feeling I had when I had my first orgasm with an experienced man! I can still remember the effort to open my eyes and come back to reality. It is so hard to describe in words: the most valuable tango treasure: the magical and mysterious connection, the melting in a wonderful embrace that makes you travel to another galaxy! I wish you can all have it at least once!”

Nele Reial’s Tangasm

Nele, my co-guide in the adventure shares her tangasm. Nele is from Estonia and her first tangasm was in Italy. Here she dances the lead.

Nele, my co-guide in the adventure shares her tangasm. Nele is from Estonia and her first tangasm was in Italy. Here she dances the lead.

“It was my last night of one year living in Italy. My friend Giu, a beginner and my first teacher (!), invited me for our last dance. We had been going through a bad but passionate marriage learning tango: arguing, getting frustrated and blaming the other when we didn’t function and yet making it through the night, leaving the milonga with tired but satisfied faces.

This time our intention was different: spending time with a friend rather than trying to perfect our dance or teach each other. We demanding two relaxed. We started to dance. I felt comfortable, safe. I guess he felt especially good too, because this time it was different. We started to understand each other in a profound way on the dance floor. We got into “flow.”

I synchronized with him, the music, and the surroundings to such an extent that suddenly I didn’t feel his body neither mine, I didn’t feel the floor! My body didn’t have limits. I was him and I was even more. I felt the space expanding: the walls, the floor and the ceiling vanishing into the universe. There we were, two of us embracing and breathing and flowing around the space. Somehow I remember it like dancing on a pink cloud. I was meditating on the dance floor! The all-round harmony was so deep!

We had to be radiating our happiness because after we stopped I was quickly asked by another man to dance. I, who had been dancing tango only couple of times, was not a very popular pick. The inviter was a “real” tango teacher!

Five years later I teach tango. I have had amazing dances, made out of true connection, understanding, creation, love and passion, but there is nothing like my first tangasm. There is no correlation between a tangasm and how professional or advanced a dancer you are nor if your dance partner happens to be your lover or your father.”

Juan-Pablo Genovese’s Tangasm

Juan Pablo, Natalia, and their tangasm

Juan Pablo, Natalia, and their tangasm

“There are some key moments in the life of a tango dancer when you finally understand what is all about. One of those moments is when you have your first tangasm.

A combination of amazing music, an unbelievable embrace, musicality, dance chops and a deep connection that makes a whole lot of hormones rush through your body. The tangasm makes you forget about everything and everyone, and focus only on the sensations. Your mind disappears and you let the dance and the embrace take place. It is so powerful that you will crave it, you will look for it in any dancer you will dance with. Kind of addictive, if you ask me.

I have had two tangasms I remember well.

The first one was in the ETI (Encuentro Tanguero del Interior), a tango encounter that happens every four months in Argentina. About 500 to 900 crazy dancers gather together for three days of pure dancing. It’s the closest thing to a tanguero rave. You have to live it, believe me.

I was outside and there was a very light shower. I was catching my breath. A girl came and we started talking. After five minutes, I asked her to dance. She said yes. After that tanda, I had only that out of this world sensation that was her embrace, her presence, and her name. I looked for her and danced again. My first tangasm. A turning point.

The second tangasm was when I visited Tucumán, a city in the Argentine north. I was there for work, and I attended one little practica (an informal place to dance tango) Mateango. I met the teacher and organizer of the practica, and she danced with me. I really liked her. Next day, a Wednesday, September 18, 2013 (I DO remember it well, see?), we met again at another practica.

I asked this beautiful, sexy lady to dance. When she embraced me it was like heaven opened and a choir of angels sang. My goodness, it was un-be-lie-va-ble. The connection, the embrace, her dance, all of it, in one package. It was too much. And yes, I had my second tangasm. Before the practica ended, she asked me for a second tanda. Of course, I said yes. Enough said, she is my girlfriend now, my partner in dance and in life, and we are madly in love with each other. Each time I dance with her is the same. I crave her embrace. A tangasm each time we dance. Can anyone ask for more?

Your tangasm
What will your first tangasm be like? As you can see, there are many kinds. We are gathering for the next Quirky Heart Tango Adventures February 21-28 and March 21-28 for 7 days of tangasmic exploration. Join us in Buenos Aires and let’s find out!


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Hi! I’m Sasha

Executive and Life Coach on a mission to help women connect with their bodies to pursue their truest desires in the bedroom and the world.

Author of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics (HarperCollins) + To-Do List: From Buying Milk to Finding a Soul Mate, What Our Lists Reveal About Us (Simon & Schuster).

At work on a memoir called Wet, about adventures in healing through sensuality.

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