“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.”–Oscar Wilde
If mistakes are what teach us, I have made plenty. I’ve walked around for YEARS with limiting beliefs in my head (aka junk) that have kept me from more love, free-flowing creativity, money, and fun in my life. Over the last few years, I’ve been cleaning out my limiting beliefs and replacing them with more powerful, open beliefs. I want to help you do the same. We tend to have a lot of limiting beliefs about relationships and being single and in every area: work, family, creativity.
I’ve been talking about limiting beliefs lately because this is the crux of the work we do together in our Quirkytogether 101 class. We learn how to turn around limiting beliefs like:
— “I haven’t had enough relationship experience, so no one will want me” or
— “It hasn’t happened yet, so it’s not going to happen now,” or
— “There are no good men/women left or men/women who are quirky enough for me.”
We turn these into into beliefs that give us more power and possibility.
Today I will walk you through the steps of how to turn around a limiting belief. If you’re joining our QT101 class, this post is a warm-up. You can certainly do this on your own too. (It is easier and more fun with the support of two coaches and others who are doing the same thing.)
Step one: The Purge: Naming Our Limiting Beliefs
What is a limiting belief?
A belief is just a thought that we keep thinking. A thought becomes stuck, like a record that keeps playing the same note, and we assume it to be true. A thought becomes a belief merely because we have said it to ourselves so many times.Read More
Today is the Quirkyalone Coffee Chat at noon Pacific Time! Use this time zone converter for your time.
We’ll share our personal stories and why we are offering this quirkytogether class and how we think it can help you, whether you are totally single or in an established relationship.
Here’s the info:
Title: Quirkyalone Coffee Chat!
Subject: What every quirkyalone needs to know about quirkytogether
Time: Tuesday, July 23rd at 12:00pm Pacific
Listening method: Web Simulcast
To attend, visit:
You’ll be able to type in questions and during this live chat we can answer them.
Just click on the above link, then click “Ask a question.”
In fact, you can go ahead and click on that page now and ask a question in advance so your question is in the queue.
The chat is a coffee break–just about 20 minutes long, so join us at noon so you don’t miss it! We await you with our iced coffees!
Sasha & Sue
PS We’re getting to know the people who have signed up for the QT101 when they fill out the pre-class questionnaire and it feels like a wonderful group of people coming together from all over the world. We’ve got people who are single, dating, and in relationships. The class is really for anyone who wants to show up in relationships quirkytogether-style. Class starts Saturday! To join us, register here: https://sashacagen.com/quirkytogether-101-registration
I’ve been getting great questions from my readers as I start talking more about being quirkytogether. Questions open up a chance for dialogue and dialogue always helps us to learn more. If you have questions, bring them on!
they’re not lovers, they’re quirkytogethers, from my book Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics
Here are couple of great questions that have come in about the Quirkytogether 101 course.
Leslie shares: “I was very excited when I heard about your book Quirkyalone. I felt for the first time that being quirky AND alone (which is my preferred state) is okay. I am 67, attractive, busy, and fortunately healthy. I married in 1970 and divorced in 1976. I have had many long-term relationships over the years and found them all a struggle. I revel in being alone and feel stronger because of it. I am a mother of two, and grandmother of two. That being said, I am saddened by your recent turn toward Quirkytogether. I was hoping for more discussion re being alone and truly happy that way.
Perhaps things have happened in your own personal life which have changed your focus. And that is wonderful if that is working for you. I wish I had gotten to know you sooner when you were truly Quirkyalone.”
Sasha responds: Thanks for sharing your story with me. Let me be clear. I’m still truly quirkyalone! Whether I’m single or partnered, I consider myself quirkyalone. Quirkyalone stands for freedom for all of us to create the lives that most suit us. The essence of quirkyalone is that you don’t date simply out of social obligation or convention. The quirkyalone movement has always stood up to say that our experience can be rich when we are single or coupled.Read More
When I turned 33, a bunch of my friends got together in a huddle in a bar and talked about where we wanted to be in 30 years. Some people talked about traveling the world, another talked about having written many books. I talked about my desire to live in an assisted living facility.
Eric and moi at the West Coast book party for Going Solo
Everyone laughed at me. “You want to live in an old age home when you are 63?” I said, “I want to live in an assisted living facility now!” I thought it would be great to live in a place that combines private space with services and community. Where all my friends could live close by and it would be easy to hang out without making plans two weeks in advance. My ideal assisted living facility (aka cohousing) would be a college campus but without the academic pressure and all the fun. (And now that I have been diagnosed as having celiac, let’s create a cafeteria with gluten-free meals, OK?)
All things brings me to my review of Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone, a book that has deservedly gotten tons of attention since it was published earlier this year. Check here: New York Times Book Review, or the New York Times Styles Section, or the New York Times Op-Ed page.
Disclosure: the author Eric Klinenberg has become a friend since we first met a few years ago. He interviewed me and my story of chucking it all to go to Brazil (as well as the story of caring for my aunt, a quirkyalone who suddenly found herself very vulnerable when she got a brain tumor) are in the book. My bias out of the way, I can say: Going Solo is a brilliant book that will change the way you look at being single and living alone. If you’re in a relationship and live with a partner it will also change the way you think about your space. Read More
Today is the official day to celebration singledom in Brazil. Feliz Dia dos Solteiros! I found out when a Brazilian Facebook friend posted a photo of himself cooking alone and called it his “Feliz Dia dos Solteiros” photo! I spent six months of 2010 in Brazil and can testify that there is a growing consciousness among young men and women who prefer to be single rather than settle for a lackluster (or untrustworthy) relationship. Brazilians are also driven by passion and that fits with the quirkyalone penchant for passionate relationships. My book Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics was released in Brazil. Here is the Brazilian quirkyalone twitter account which has inspirational tidbits from my book Quirkyalone in Portuguese. Love.
My Portuguese language teachers, me, and my fellow student, enjoying our very own SoSingular
My friend Laura informed me that South Korea has a National Singles Day too on June 14. Single people get together on “Black Day” to eat noodles with black bean sauce.
I have a long post saved up inside of me that I haven’t written, probably because the topic felt so overwhelming I didn’t know where to start. I have wanted to travel for several years. The desire was stored up inside me while work took center stage. For years, I was singularly focused on work, whether it was Quirkyalone, my other book and magazine To-Do List, and my street fashion community website stylemob.com. At long last I decided to take the leap, but to be honest, I was petrified. Petrified and elated.