(401) 753-4540‬ sasha@sashacagen.com

Quirkyalone? on the Solo Podcast

by | Jun 4, 2021 | Being Single, Dating, Personal Growth, Podcasts, Wet

I so enjoyed talking with Dr. Peter McGraw, a behavioral economist at the University of Colorado who is investigating solitude and how to create a remarkable single life, now or forever.

It’s kinda crazy. I have done many fantastic podcasts about being quirkyalone with women, and this was the first time I talked with a man who is investigating these topics!

Peter and I chatted about:
the problem of “internalized inferiority,” of seeing our single periods as lesser than our coupled periods and the tragedy of waiting to be coupled up to do the things you most want to do in life (I share about how I’ve struggled with this too)

my personal story behind quirkyalone, and why I chose that combination over, say, “freakyalone”!

quirkyalones in pop culture in the 90s and oughts, from Love Jones to Ally McBeal

how single people have been ignored–at least in the US–in policy discussions during the pandemic

why quirkyalone, even though it seems to be a celebration of singlehood, is also, in its deepest core, an argument for depth in relationship

the many ways people meet needs for connection in 2021, with everything from Tinder to solo poly

why I prefer to talk about self-acceptance and wholeness rather than being a “happy single.” Being happy all the time is just way too much pressure! And going for what we want in life may involve some pain, discomfort and struggle.

Here’s a little teaser before you click to listen in…
“The choice of the word quirky, why? Can you tease us with some of the alternatives that you considered?
In the book Quirkyalone, I have a bunch of alternatives like eccentricalone, bizarrealone, or freakyalone.
Freakyalone is a whole different book and it’s in a different section of the library. It’s not in the library, first of all.
Why quirky? It’s because quirky is softer, for one. It’s eccentric but with a human touch that makes you feel you can get warm and cuddly with a quirky person in a way that maybe you don’t feel you can with freakyalone. It was that sense that I had as a young person and has remained the same as I get older. I only connect with a certain amount of people. I’m not a generic person and quirkyalones are not cookie-cutter type. It’s a practical recognition for a quirky person.
It may take a little longer to find someone who matches you, not that they have to have all the same quirks. Everybody is completely individual and all of my work has this honoring of our quirkiness. When I work with clients, for example, I’m interested in finding out who they are and how they tick because everybody’s different. That’s my orientation to the world. The quirky part is the way of honoring that. I love that about us as people.”

Maybe being in a relationship would NOT be boring! AKA Transforming a limiting belief: Step One!

by | Jan 20, 2014 | Advice

IMG_3132

“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.”–Oscar Wilde

If mistakes are what teach us, I have made plenty. I’ve walked around for YEARS with limiting beliefs in my head (aka junk) that have kept me from more love, free-flowing creativity, money, and fun in my life. Over the last few years, I’ve been cleaning out my limiting beliefs and replacing them with more powerful, open beliefs. I want to help you do the same. We tend to have a lot of limiting beliefs about relationships and being single and in every area: work, family, creativity.

I’ve been talking about limiting beliefs lately because this is the crux of the work we do together in our Quirkytogether 101 class. We learn how to turn around limiting beliefs like:
— “I haven’t had enough relationship experience, so no one will want me” or
— “It hasn’t happened yet, so it’s not going to happen now,” or
— “There are no good men/women left or men/women who are quirky enough for me.”
We turn these into into beliefs that give us more power and possibility.

Today I will walk you through the steps of how to turn around a limiting belief. If you’re joining our QT101 class, this post is a warm-up. You can certainly do this on your own too. (It is easier and more fun with the support of two coaches and others who are doing the same thing.)

Step one: The Purge: Naming Our Limiting Beliefs
What is a limiting belief?
A belief is just a thought that we keep thinking. A thought becomes stuck, like a record that keeps playing the same note, and we assume it to be true. A thought becomes a belief merely because we have said it to ourselves so many times.Read More

How to Actually Start Loving Yourself. . . Part One: Write a Love Letter to Yourself

by | Jul 31, 2013 | Advice, Personal Growth, Quirkyalone

time to love yourself up

time to love yourself up

Everyone talks about loving yourself. But actually, truly loving yourself is a pretty big deal. And it takes practice. So today I am challenging you to write a love letter to yourself. Yes, you! The one who is reading this blog post, you!

To help, I’m sharing with you an exercise that we do in both of my quirkycourses: GetQuirky and Quirkytogether 101. This is part one. In a future post, I’ll share another practice that I have found that works to cultivate self-love.

Why? We live in a world where self-criticism is a way of life, constant background noise in our minds. We spend so much more time thinking about things to fix about ourselves. In a world filled with self-help, where does this endless quest to be better ever end?

We rarely stop to celebrate ourselves as the incredible creatures we are.

It’s an inside job.
We may think the salvation lies in finding just the right person to love us. We dream of a great romantic relationship, or when we are already in one, we dream of feeling totally accepted and adored. Of being seen and loved just for who we are.

If we dream of that but never give it to ourselves, it just won’t work. Every relationship unravels if we don’t truly stand for our own value. We just can’t expect that someone to do that for us.

Although people help us to see ourselves by loving and appreciating us, no one else can give us our value. It’s an impossible job for someone else to do that–because it’s an inside job.

Consider this: Every day, we are training other people about how to treat us. If we show up habitually putting ourselves down, we are training other people to devalue us. When we show up knowing our value, we train people to treat us as valuable too.Read More

Quirkyalone Coffee Chat Today at Noon!

by | Jul 23, 2013 | Advice, Quirkyalone

Today is the Quirkyalone Coffee Chat at noon Pacific Time! Use this time zone converter for your time.

We’ll share our personal stories and why we are offering this quirkytogether class and how we think it can help you, whether you are totally single or in an established relationship.

Here’s the info:

Title: Quirkyalone Coffee Chat!
Subject: What every quirkyalone needs to know about quirkytogether
Time: Tuesday, July 23rd at 12:00pm Pacific
Listening method: Web Simulcast
To attend, visit:
http://InstantTeleseminar.com/?eventID=44004459

You’ll be able to type in questions and during this live chat we can answer them.

Just click on the above link, then click “Ask a question.”

In fact, you can go ahead and click on that page now and ask a question in advance so your question is in the queue.

The chat is a coffee break–just about 20 minutes long, so join us at noon so you don’t miss it! We await you with our iced coffees!

With pleasure,
Sasha & Sue

PS We’re getting to know the people who have signed up for the QT101 when they fill out the pre-class questionnaire and it feels like a wonderful group of people coming together from all over the world. We’ve got people who are single, dating, and in relationships. The class is really for anyone who wants to show up in relationships quirkytogether-style. Class starts Saturday! To join us, register here: https://sashacagen.com/quirkytogether-101-registration

Questions from readers: If you’re quirkyalone, how can you be quirkytogether? (Plus a free call!)

by | Jul 15, 2013 | Advice, Quirkyalone

I’ve been getting great questions from my readers as I start talking more about being quirkytogether. Questions open up a chance for dialogue and dialogue always helps us to learn more. If you have questions, bring them on!

they're not lovers, they're quirkytogethers, from my book Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics

they’re not lovers, they’re quirkytogethers, from my book Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics

Here are couple of great questions that have come in about the Quirkytogether 101 course.

Leslie shares: “I was very excited when I heard about your book Quirkyalone. I felt for the first time that being quirky AND alone (which is my preferred state) is okay. I am 67, attractive, busy, and fortunately healthy. I married in 1970 and divorced in 1976. I have had many long-term relationships over the years and found them all a struggle. I revel in being alone and feel stronger because of it. I am a mother of two, and grandmother of two. That being said, I am saddened by your recent turn toward Quirkytogether. I was hoping for more discussion re being alone and truly happy that way.

Perhaps things have happened in your own personal life which have changed your focus. And that is wonderful if that is working for you. I wish I had gotten to know you sooner when you were truly Quirkyalone.”

Sasha responds: Thanks for sharing your story with me. Let me be clear. I’m still truly quirkyalone! Whether I’m single or partnered, I consider myself quirkyalone. Quirkyalone stands for freedom for all of us to create the lives that most suit us. The essence of quirkyalone is that you don’t date simply out of social obligation or convention. The quirkyalone movement has always stood up to say that our experience can be rich when we are single or coupled.Read More