Two Awesome Ellens on the Joy of Coming Out and Releasing Shame

by | May 5, 2014 | Advice, Quirkyalone, Single Shame | 0 comments

What does being gay have in common with being quirkyalone? They are both ways of being that don’t fit the social script. The still pervasive “how it’s supposed to be.”

We’ve been talking a lot about releasing the shame of long-term singlehood in order to make yourself more free and available to connect in a healthy relationship (and even to know how to talk about your history when you start dating someone).

Hot on the heels of our chat on single shame last week with Sara Eckel, I was so moved and struck when I saw this video of Ellen Page talking to Ellen DeGeneres about her coming out as gay in a powerful speech at the Human Rights Campaign’s Time to Thrive Conference in Las Vegas. I loved how their conversation turned to the power of releasing shame, for anything we feel ashamed about. We all have our secrets.

Ellen DeGeneres: “How do you feel since you have done it (coming out)?”
Ellen Page: “I knew I would be a happier person. I knew that I was going to feel better. I did not anticipate just how happy I would feel. In every aspect of my life. Just an ease and a comfort. It’s really been quite extraordinary to feel the shift. And it was pretty much overnight too.”
Ellen DeGeneres: “It’s because you’re releasing shame. It doesn’t matter what it is, what you are carrying around as your secret, everyone has something you are carrying around that they are ashamed of. To carry around shame, first of all causes disease, it’s a horrible thing to be ashamed of yourself.”

I’ve been so inspired by the reaction to this issue of the shame of long-term singlehood that I want to incorporate this topic into a new quirkyalone/quirkytogether group coaching program. If you are hiding anything about yourself and thinking someone is going to reject you because of whatever your “thing” is, the best way address this is to practice sharing your story with others. There is nothing more healing than being witnessed.

In this new group coaching program, I want to share with you everything I have learned about quirkyalone and quirkytogether over the last ten years since publishing Quirkyalone, with the intention of helping you create more ease and comfort in your life–especially in the areas of dating and relationship.

If you have been held back by any feelings of shame about your story around being single, this is going to be an amazing chance to work through that sticky stuff with my support and the support of others going through the same thing. If you are interested in being part of this, be sure to sign up here to get on the priority list.


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Hi! I’m Sasha

Executive and Life Coach on a mission to help women connect with their bodies to pursue their truest desires in the bedroom and the world.

Author of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics (HarperCollins) + To-Do List: From Buying Milk to Finding a Soul Mate, What Our Lists Reveal About Us (Simon & Schuster).

At work on a memoir called Wet, about adventures in healing through sensuality.

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