I got a tweet the other day from a woman B. who said, @sashacagen Feb. 14 is worst day of the year for me. I’m just going to stay home, cry, and hide.
I responded, Why?
She said, It’s hard to celebrate being single when I’ve always been alone—I haven’t dated in years.
I told her I understood. This is one of the specialties of my coaching practice. . . working with people whose single shame or other “stuff” blocking them from dating and opening up to love. I won’t be a Pollyanna and tell you that it’s easy to move from that feeling of despair to celebration, especially if you do really want more love and connection and feel stuck. (If that’s you and you want dedicated coaching support to create what you really really want, then contact me.)
But I am going to urge B. and you to stop worrying about Valentine’s Day and celebrate Quirkyalone Day instead. Don’t sit at home and cry. Let your energy expand outward. Even if that means dancing in your underwear today in your living room for one song.
Come on, let’s take another perspective for a moment. This is awesome. . . we have the freedom in 2015 to create the lives we really want, single or coupled, rather than stay in so-so marriages because of economic need.
We can delight in our solitude.
We can celebrate our friendships.
We can connect with others authentically and tell them what they mean to us.
We can do whatever we want, and while freedom can be dizzying, it is a true privilege that many before us did not have.
Watch the above video greetings wishing you a very happy Quirkyalone Day. . .
Anja and I talk about:
– Quirkyalone Day vs. Valentine’s Day
– Cultural conditioning which still suggests we’re not complete until we have found the right partner
– How I help my clients work through their “single shame” to open up for dating and new relationships
– One important vow I made to myself in my self-marriage. Yes, I married myself (it’s an open marriage) and now I am helping others to do the same.
– Why the Germans are particularly suited to embrace the quirkyalone: They hate being normal.
– Why it’s important for us to resist the idea that the only happy ending for a book or movie is when girl meets boy (a la Eat Pray Love, Sex and the City, Bridget Jones’ Diary, and most women’s tales that tell us that this is the most important thing)
Ajna Shuetz and I recorded these Quirkyalone Day greetings for you yesterday. Anja is a fellow coach in Berlin, and she reached out in an awesomely spontaneous way to do this interview with me.
As the quirkyalone movement is building in Europe, quirkyalone is having a media moment in Germany. A German psychologist says in this story, “Society and misunderstood romance suggests that we can only be happy and complete with a partner. The American “Quirkyalone” trend–being single with passion–advocates a letting go of the couple-mania, though.”
Anja’s in Berlin, I’m in Buenos Aires getting ready to host a Tango Adventure for quirkyalones, and I know the majority of readers are in the U.S.
So feel the truly global quirkyalone vibes building this year. . . let that sink into your skin as you dance around your bedroom, or on the streets. . .
Tell us your thoughts on Quirkyalone Day vs. Valentine’s Day in the comments and how you will spend your day in celebration, even in the smallest of ways.
About Anja: Anja Schuetz coaches left-brained spiritual seekers in Berlin, Germany, who are beginning to wonder about the meaning of their life and work. With her new project Followyourjoy.de she aims to inspire you to live your life with more joy and aligned with your true nature. Interviewing experts on the subject of authenticity will be a large part of this project. If you’re German, sign up for her Sunday morning muse letters here: http://followyourjoy.de, otherwise check out Anja’s English website at http://anjaschuetz.net Follow Anja on social media: http://facebook.com/virtualanja & http://facebook.com/followyourjoy.de)