The American holiday Thanksgiving is approaching, and with it, millions of families (and urban tribes like mine, pictured above) will gather to gobble down turkey and sweet potatoes with marshmallows baked on top. Many of them will also go around the table to share what they are grateful for in their lives. This ritual has always been my favorite part of Thanksgiving. In a consumer-driven society where we are so often complaining about what’s not quite right with our lives, it feels great to hear people acknowledge their personal abundance.
This year, I have been thinking that I am grateful for still being single, which, honestly is not what I would have said last year. I took this year off to travel and I did the journey alone. I’ve grown in many ways that would not have been possible had I found a lifelong partner before I bought the ticket and made the final decision to go. I’m sure I would be grateful for that person, had we met. But I am also very grateful that I took full advantage of being single this year instead of hanging around San Francisco with the agenda of finding a mate (which honestly, was getting kind of boring–more on that in another post).
So this leads me to thinking about reasons to be grateful for being single this Thanksgiving. This year, let us count the ways. (Add yours in the comments.)
First and foremost, you are alive. Single. Just as you came out of the womb. Being single is the starting point for life, and we will in a sense be single when we pass on. So be grateful for your singular existence now, that you are alive!
The time to discover what makes you happy A relationship can be very time-consuming. When you are single, you have all your free time outside of work and other obligations to discover what brings you joy. Use it and be grateful for it! Being single gives you the opportunity to create more joy in your life without depending on someone else to provide it for you.
Freedom to travel and explore alone I took this year off to travel alone in South America and I’ve had the ability to grow and learn in a way that might or might not have been possible if I had been coupled. (You can still travel alone when you are quirkytogether, but it would be hard to travel alone for a whole year.)
You haven’t settled! No relationship or person will be perfect. But many people are afraid of being single and stay in relationships that are not working in order to avoid the pain of breaking up or being alone. Every person is a little bit wrong, being single means you are free to go out and find someone who is wrong for you in all the right ways.
Finally, total freedom to indulge your secret single behavior Want to pick your toe nails while watching Seinfeld reruns on a Friday night? Eat peas out of a can? No problem, you are single! Embrace your SSB (covered more extensively in Quirkyalone.)
Count your blessings my (single) quirkyalone friends.
Share your reasons for being grateful that you are single at this stage of your life in the comments.
Executive and Life Coach on a mission to help women connect with their bodies to live their best lives + do their best work. Author: of Quirkyalone + To-Do List. Forthcoming: WET.
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Hmm… I have to admit that I’m happy to be single again! Greetings from Belgium to all the thanksgivingers, W.
Thank you Sasha for resending this in 2014. I was one who settled when I was 25 years old, not truly knowing any better and now 26 years later am just beginning to embrace my singleness! Yes! I can pick my toe nails, eat peanut butter out of the jar, run whenever I want, and pretty much do whatever I want. It is great! The past year of the breakup has been VERY tough however I’ve found another quirky single to share the journey with and stumbled (divinely) onto your site and you are speaking my language so THANK YOU! I am celebrating this Thanksgiving alone, joyful about it and reflecting on the crazy racing around that was demanded of me in the past. This Thanksgiving I walk to the beat of my own drum! Love to all!
What a great story Donna. It’s true, sometimes a solitary Thanksgiving gives you more space to really reflect and be grateful. Being with others is great too but the hustle-bustle can distract. Love to you!
Love this posting Sasha. This is the first year, I’ve actually gone from accepting being single to cherishing it, and has been an incredible year. I haven’t traveled liek you, but did buy a condo and started a small side buisness. I spent the whole summer with my family and friends. One of my greatest joys of being single (and not having children) is that I get to be the Auntie to my friends’ children, my little cousin and my new nephew. Being able to be an Auntie that can adore them and give them all my attention is one of the greatest gifts I can think of.
I am thankful to be able to sign on to this Quirkyalone site and meet some of my family. I LOVE being a quirkyalone and just want to Shout it out!
Thanks for the nice article…You got to enjoy your life…quirkysingle or quirkcouple. I am blessed to be single now. 🙂
Good for you! The stats show that many are discovering what you and I already know: being single can be really good!
eleanore
This is such a nice affirming blog. Thank you for writing it and reminding me about all the wonderful things about living alone. My best friend passed this on to me and I salute you for writing such a lovely positive post to remind us of our blessings.
Happy Single New Year. Traveling alone is wonderful, self-educating and something to savor in my old age.
Love your site.
I’m thankful that my last relationship ended 10 months ago, and that we’re still the best friends. I really like myself and him better now that we’re not together anymore and I am so NOT done with being single 🙂 I’m figuring out who I was before that relationship and who I’ve come to be. And it really is a great luxury to have all my time for myself.
By the way: I’m so thankful that you wrote ‘Quirkyalone’ and that it found it’s way to Denmark and into my hands.
Hello Sasha
Thank you so much for Quirkyalone and the work that you do.
I am a 43 year old single man in London. Apart from one long term relationship of 5 years, I have been single almost all of my adult life and, the older I get, have come to realise that singledom seems to be my natural state of being. Freedom seems to be fundamental to me and allows me to pursue strong creative interests, voluntary work as well as the development of friendships. However, I have often worried and fretted over my seemingly permanent state of singledom and feel that the social norms and pressures of coupledom have often led me to feel that there must be something wrong with me and to feel a sense of fear and foreboding about the future.
I find your work to be a great comfort – not only in reminding me of the growing social trends and ‘norm’ of singledom – but also articulating many of the advantages of singledom and smoothing many of the fears that I have had about being single.
Quirkyalone has been incredibly valuable in helping me on my journey towards feeling deeply centred and comfortable with myself and who I am and helping me towards my goal of ‘just living’, being present and trying to live as enriched and fulfilling a life as I can.
All the very best to all Quirkyalones.
Simon
London
England
I agree- there is so much pressure to be in a couple, both from outside and within ourselves. It’s like the fear of being alone is hardwired into us, because obviously in the past our survival as individuals and as a species depended on not being alone.
For singles, the pressure can be unbearable and can push them into bad and even dangerous relationships, but I’ve persevered and now relish being single and can’t see myself ever coupled up again.
I am discovering who I really am and at last feel I’m living an authentic life.
Mai
Australia
I am single just like you and I know first hand what it means to go in and out of relationships that are time, money and energy consuming. One way highways that you have to drive to your own self destruction. but, it needs to be addressed that our society has some weird norms. We are expected to be not single after a certain age. It is not cool to go to a movie theater alone or have dinner in a restaurant by yourself. We are expected to have a partner in a crime at a certain age. It has come to my attention also that being single is associated by not being loved. that is another issue as well. Being single hurts sometimes because we feel that we are not loved. It sometimes confuses me as well
Cambridge, MA
Payam- you’ve nailed it. Eating alone in a restaurant when I’m travelling is the one thing I don’t like about being single. You feel everyone’s eyes on you and imagine they are pitying you. I’ve tried different tactics- taking a book to read, chattiing to the waiters, staring back at the other diners. But there I am, still sticking out like a sore thumb! How about restaurants sitting all the singles together at one table? It could be the most lively and fun table in the whole restaurant (imagine the envy of those bored old married couples with nothing to say to each other!)
Mai, that idea is cool, but it is a 2 minute solution. You can not always eat in the same restaurant. After all, eating out is only one example. What about going to move theater? I can ask my friends to join me sometimes to accompany me, but I can not do it often. My issue personally is that I am a social person who is living a very unorthodox life of being single for quite a long time. If I were a kind of aloof person perhaps I couldn’t care less. But it hurts when my personality struggles with the life that I am living.
Having experienced the alone time in-between relationships (breakups, divorce, widowhood); I am finally happy to be the me that does not have to live up to any one else’s expectations out of fear of rejection and/or abandonment. I am free to love myself and my life as a single person in a community of married people. I am free to explore honest, open, friendly friendships and relationships without the inevitable hassle of cohabitation. I am free to make all my own decisions. I am happy to be me, a single woman!
Hi Sasha,
It’s Paula White. How are you?
Here is what I am grateful for:
1. I am grateful for being single. I have been more creatively active, especially this past year than I ever have been. It has been the most rewarding and fulfilling time of my life.
2. I am grateful for my job as a nurse. I love helping people.
3. I am grateful I have inadvertently come up with a new holiday tradition. I am taking a crochet class. I came across some holiday patterns. Both my mother and I loved them. I love holiday themed fiber arts projects. It is my intention to make some. I am grateful.
4. I am grateful I will have some time with my family for the holidays.
5. I am grateful for the time I will have with my friends during the holidays.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Sincerely,
Paula White
love reading your list paula!!
I love this! Thank you for shouting this for all us singles to rejoice in with you.
Yes, rejoice! 🙂
Hi, Sasha!
Thank you for a reassuring post! I will be spending Thanksgiving Day 2014 alone: my kids are with their dad, my brother who was going to come for a visit has changed his plans.
I have an invitation to spend the day with my boss and her family, but I am going to purposely be alone. Partly because it scares me a little, and I want to face that fear. And partly because in spending the day alone, I will be with someone who loves me unconditionally: me!
xx Katherine
Hey Katherine,
Enjoy! I think an alone Thanksgiving can be divine!
I’m grateful because communities like this one exist. it’s great to read everyone’s comments and go “hey i feel that way too!”.
i’m about to move to another country,and i’m grateful for being single right now because this choice was 100% made for me, by me.
i’m exited to start a life somewhere else and not have any set plans because of someone else. stick around there after i finish my studies? explore somewhere else? who knows! i’m grateful i have been blessed with all these choices.
I always look at my quirkytogether collage, and feel grateful i discovered the class that gave me that boost to be myself.
Hi Eugenia!
I’m so happy the quirky class you took gave you this boost, and that you are going now to pursue this dream in Europe! Let us know how it goes, I am sure there will be many adventures. 🙂 Happy Thanksgiving!
Love your blog. I stumbled into it from one of your responses to yet another sexist, patriarchal “Realtionship Advice” site. Do you know about Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts? It’s all about juicy desire. And community. Thinking about your coaching work and wetness theory emerging. Mama Gena rode into the Miami Convention Center last week on a white horse. Talk about Quirky. She is astonishing. Greeted by 800 women from 14 countries. Many dance breaks.
whoops typo. Relationship…
Hey Linda! Thanks for your comment. You are spot on–my wetness coaching, writing, and theory is totally in line with Mama Gena’s Work. I have read two of her books and I feel a major kinship with her on the quirky and wet channels and we share a lineage of OM. I definitely want to go see the School of Womanly Arts! From juicy to wet 🙂
Thank you for this blog post Sasha! Everyone keeps telling me I am missing out because I am not in a relationship and I disagree. I enjoy being single and do not want to give it up. I also did some traveling this year including fulfilling a dream of going to Paris. I went by myself and met with a tour. I feel like telling people who feel sorry for me that they are missing out on having the freedom of not answering to anyone but yourself and enjoying life on your own terms. Thank you again! I enjoy receiving your emails. 🙂
Excellent Janine–loved this comment from you.