Allowing ourselves pleasure

by | Sep 19, 2021 | My Life | 4 comments

new glasses!

This summer I got new glasses.

It was the first time I got glasses as an adult.

Previously, I believed that wearing corrective lens would weaken my eyesight.

I liked being over 40 and evading glasses, as if I could cheat mortality and aging in general.

Yes, this was all quite silly.

Now I am a convert. I enjoy wearing my new glasses because they make the world sharper and more distinct. It’s a novelty to have a new lens on the world–and a pleasure.

But I wasn’t really wearing my new glasses very often. Weeks might go by and they sat in their little box or on my kitchen shelf.

I realized recently I was so afraid of wearing them because I feared I might damage them — and they were so precious to me. If I gave myself the pleasure of wearing my new glasses they might get ruined and then what would I do? I also have a habit of losing rings and sunglasses so part of me feared if I wore my glasses I would lose them.

There was a moment last week when I asked myself,  Why am I not giving myself this pleasure of wearing my new glasses? Why am I tiring myself out? I was straining to see.

Why is it so hard to allow ourselves pleasure? Why choose to suffer?

Over the last ten years, I have taken many workshops and read many books, studying the uses of pleasure in our lives for our health, energy, and confidence. I’ve felt the benefits of pleasure running through my body and how that pleasure helps my mood, my confidence, and creativity. I’ve seen the effect of taking time for pleasure on my clients too. I am talking about simple everyday pleasures like rubbing coconut oil on your body after a shower or doing an “awareness walk” without your phone in tow.

Yet we often resist pleasure–and all kinds of good, delicious things.

What is that all about?

Are we hardwired by capitalism and patriarchy to work without ceasing? Have we forgotten that rest will renew us? Do we not think we deserve wonderful things?

So this is all to say: I’m getting over it. I’m enjoying wearing my new glasses more and making them an everyday part of my life.

Goshdarnit if I need to get my glasses adjusted at the store or heaven forbid buy new ones because they get lost or damaged, I will.

So what will pleasurable experience will you give yourself this week?


  1. Natalia

    loved this one! This is such a common issue for us women.
    I don’t know if is the same in US but in Brasil, people (usually women) save their best clothes only when they are going out for something “special”. When I was a kid my mom never let me use nice clothes day by day, only in birthdays and stuff like that. So now I try to change this mindset, specially during this covid time that I didn’t went out a lot, so I started to use nice clothes at home, for myself, for my pleasure.

    • Sasha Cagen

      I love this example Natalia! Thanks for sharing here.

  2. Miles

    Hi Sashis! This is Miles .. I also love your post, and as a man I would like to add that this is not something exclusive from women. It happens also to us, I feel very identified by your post. I love to see you wearing glasses as well, you like shiny as always!
    I want to add an example, a friend of mine once told me that he always took so much care of his car, protecting with special covers and also some plastic covers for the seats, etc… he once realized (when selling his car to buy a new one) that he was taking care of his car “for the new owner to enjoy it” … so … we need to enjoy more and give pleasure to ourselves.. we deserve it! Saludos desde Buenos Aires!

    • Sasha Cagen

      That’s true Miles – even cleaning up to make things shiny for someone else is an example. We do deserve to feel good too! Great to hear from you 🙂


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hi! I’m Sasha

Executive and Life Coach on a mission to help women connect with their bodies to pursue their truest desires in the bedroom and the world.

Author of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics (HarperCollins) + To-Do List: From Buying Milk to Finding a Soul Mate, What Our Lists Reveal About Us (Simon & Schuster).

At work on a memoir called Wet, about adventures in healing through sensuality.

Be sure to subscribe to my newsletter (my primary way of staying in connection with readers and clients).

Follow me on Instagram where I share snapshots of my own turned-on life with advice on how to live your own.