Is it me or is Christian Carter of “Catch Him and Keep Him” the devil?

by | Dec 9, 2008 | Advice, Being Single, Dating, Feminism | 584 comments

Have you ever gotten sucked into something that you were also ashamed to read? It happened to me yesterday. I was listlessly checking my email when I noticed a text ad that I must have seen more than 10,000 times. “How to catch and keep a man.” Those ads are as oddly ubiquitous as the text link ads for Acai Berry Wonder Diets, but I always assumed that ads with links like “Why Men Withdraw and What to Do About It” were for women who are more pathetic and malleable than me. Yesterday I joined the masses. And let me tell you. I became sickly fascinated. And angry.

I was vulnerable to that horrible ad because I recently heard something along the lines of “I’m just looking for something casual.” Somehow I find that impossible not to take personally. I clicked on the link–“The Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes Women Make”–and found myself swimming through simple, one-sentence direct-mail style paragraphs, like:

“Have you ever slept with a guy very quickly after meeting him, but as it started to happen you got that sinking feeling in your stomach? You knew it was a mistake, but you did it anyway. And then the thing you KNEW would happen actually happened: He unexplainably disappeared from your life. Honestly, have you ever had this happen?”

Of course, the worst part wasn’t that it happened, but that you KNEW you shouldn’t have done it in the first place… but you did it anyway.

Ummm, who hasn’t?

Christian Carter offers to tell women how to avoid the ten fatal mistakes most women make with men, or how to engage and attract a man right after you meet in person,  if you are so good as to enter your credit card number to receive his e-book.

The worst mistake a woman can make is not seeking help. Because men are so hard to understand, and Christian Carter has spent years reading every relationship book ever published, and he has thought deeply about the psychology of men and women when they are dating. And he can help! So sign up and give him your credit card for his e-book at a price of $29.97 and his emails (interviews with relationship and dating experts) at a monthly charge of $19.97. The sickest thing is that for a moment I even considered typing my credit card address, until I awoke from the hallucination and realized it would be hell to get him to stop charging me money. His real name is David DeAngelo, and once I had the wherewithal to do a search-binge on him, I found numerous consumer complaints from women who claimed that he wouldn’t stop charging them after they asked to unsubscribe.

I could see this was a psychological master who knew how to manipulate an audience. The stock trade in any self-help e-book purchase is to tap into the reader’s insecurities and promise you have the long-sought-after answer. In this case, it’s about tapping into woman’s insecurities and confusion over male behavior, with the promise of understanding of learning what’s going on behind the scenes of a man’s mind.


“I don’t want a serious relationship right now.”


“I ONLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a woman who
already has her act together, is attractive,
healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, and
who is emotionally in control of herself and her
own life.. . .  without trying to change me or turning our relationship
into MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on my

Does this make sense?

Again, he’s NOT imagining a picture of an
overly-emotional, predictable, needy woman who is
trying to get him to connect with her and sharing
her feelings because she’s so worried about things
“working out.”

In my google-searching, I found a post by this woman, who pretty much summarized his point of view. She’s been reading him for longer than me, so I’ll let her do the heavy lifting of distilling his advice:

One of my friends suggested I register at his website. Since then, I’ve been getting extremely annoying emails about how to “CATCH and KEEP” a man, like he’s a freakin’ trout or something.

Pearls of wisdom have included:

1. Don’t sleep with a guy “too soon” (time frame not included–so just guess)
2. Don’t be “predictable”, or his attraction will magically end (must I be in a different country each time he calls…?)
3. Don’t discuss any emotional issues at all, ever, God forbid, or it’s all over, period
4. Don’t assume that just because you’ve been dating for months you’re in a “relationship” (WTF?)
5. Try to appear at all times to be a)selective b)unemotional c)hard-to-get d)a robot woman
6. In general, subvert any and all natural inclinations you may have as a woman, and pretend like nothing means really anything at all to you, or else any guy, anywhere, will run like the wind from you, because guys can’t stand a woman that harbors an actual emotion that might pertain to said guy.

All the mystery boils down to you, women. The problem is you. You are too emotional. The way to create a great emotional connection with a man is to never burden him with your emotions. It’s hard to imagine exactly what this great emotional connection consists of, except the idea that the man “feels great” when he’s with you, better than when he is single, and you as the woman are not constantly analyzing the relationship.

The whole thing consumed me for about 90 minutes and made me feel sick for several reasons. I’ll admit that my feelings were not altogether rational at the time, but they were a product of being brainwashed by his mind-sucking prose:

1) The feeling that men and women are so irreconcilably different that we can never truly be ourselves with each other; anything that promotes this idea is just depressing. It makes me wonder if pre-industrial societies had it right when men and women didn’t expect their mates to be their best friends, and instead found companionship with same-sex friends

2) The way that women get blamed simply for being women and having some emotional needs to–guess what?–be themselves. According to Carter, men want to be with a “cool girl” and a “cool girl is basically someone who is unpredictable, fun, emotionally balanced, has no insecurities, easygoing, and independent.” Ummm, is this true? Could it be? This marketing campaign is obviously aimed at a very mainstream, middle American audience. Are there really that many men who prefer not to deal with emotions at all?

3) At the same time, I hate sitting around with a group of women complaining that “All men are dogs,” etc. I know men are more complicated than that and that there are men who are out there who really want to connect with other men as friends and women as partners (or men if they are gay). It’s just that reading this stereotypical garbage, combined with the shitty and mystifying ways that some men act, make me and other women feel confused and despairing.

4) The preying on women’s insecurities then taking their credit card numbers for recurring charges. That just sucks. Period. It’s a very profitable enterprise to continually charge people $19.97 a month for emails, especially when you don’t honor their requests to unsubscribe.

Why am I writing about this and even giving this bozo any attention? Because people like him have influence. He seems more powerful than the authors of the Rules, because he’s a man, and supposedly offers an inside view. I am fascinated by how mystified we men and women seem to be with each other.¬¨‚Ć So what is the antidote–ar the antidate to the dating breakdown in communication? I discussed this with one female roommate so far, who was equally horrified and livid when she read his stuff, and one male friend, who said, talk to your male friends. They’re much more similar in mindset to the men you are trying to date. What think you? Is there any validity to his advice and worldview, or is this just garbage? Let the quirkyalone version of this conversation begin in the comments.


  1. Sara K.

    In the world as presented by the Carter, I wonder if equality of the emotional “work” necessary in relationships will be the next frontier for seemingly stagnant feminism. It seems that women are still required and relied upon (by men) to be emotionally present, invested and interested in relationships and for moving them along. But this “emotionalism” is apparently then criticized and underappreciated. In a world where neither party is emotionally connected to the other or to the relationship, what would be the glue that keeps us together? Who’s minding the baby?!

  2. Rebecca

    This guy is a laughable nightmare! Yes, he IS both! According to this guy, men will only be and remain attracted to a “cool girl” and a “cool girl is basically someone who is unpredictable, fun, emotionally balanced, has no insecurities, easygoing, and independent?” In other words, she is fictional? What man OR woman is always balanced and has no insecurities? He wants a drinking buddy with girlparts, that’s what he wants. This guy is full of shit and he knows it, but is laughing all the way to the bank. The most sinister aspect here is that he knows nothing, but he is preying on the most vulnerable women in society, those who feel such desperate need of a clue that they will PAY for one (instead of, oh, I don’t know, asking their friends). Stand UP, WOMEN! Think for yourselves! If some guy doesn’t want you, some part of you, deep down, knows why! Trust yourselves and your own wisdom! Bozos like this only serve to foment doubt in our own knowledge. DO NOT GIVE YOUR POWER AWAY!!!

  3. admin

    After thinking about this for a day more, I’m also wondering, What are the equivalent Internet scams preying on male insecurities? Men, any thoughts?

  4. Andy

    Internet scams preying on male insecurities? C’mon, this one’s easy….

  5. Tracy

    Wow, I’m psyched to find a thread on this Christian Carter vampire on this site. I’m not sure exactly how I’ve been getting his daily “teaser” emails (but I’m not being charged for his horrendous e-advice, either) and it is truly ridiculous how impossible he makes it sound to “catch” a guy (as opposed to just be with one on a regular or semi-regular basis). His advice is full of stinky brown stuff and misogyny (so-called cool girls are basically neutered men). He utterly fails to acknowledge that people are individuals, not mere representatives of their sex. I’ve known guys who were more apt to discuss their emotional state than I was! And of course CC knows this. He is just a businessman, out to siphon a few bucks from the very insecure, uncool chickies he (make that the entire male gender) disdains.

  6. Jen

    I would say that the equivalent Internet scams preying on male insecurities would have to be the “Enlarge your penis!” spam e-mails : ) I read the pitch for this book, thought there were some interesting points, but figured that most of it was common sense. As a woman, I don’t think I want to adapt my “technique” to try and “catch a man.” I want to find a man who loves me for who I am, insecurities and all. Because common sense would also indicate that if you adapt to accomplish some of the things Carter is saying, then you’re not really being yourself. Is it better to con someone into being in a relationship with you by faking a “fun girl” personality, and then have the guy freak out six months later when he realizes that’s not actually who you are? Please.

  7. Debra

    Worse off he now has a partnership with e harmony, which you would think would have integrity for their clients and to not subject them to his manipulative ways

    How discouraging that this Dr Warren who professes to be upright dating site is pushing this guys (&*(*( down the poor lonely people on his site …..

    THAT is appalling — I would understand is match allowed him to advertise but EH???

    • Lori

      He also has linked up with Plenty of Fish. I deleted that account when I went on for a week for “research. Now I get slammed with his emails. There are some good points but sheesh! Nobody’s PERFECT!

  8. Ange

    I’ve just come across a pointer to Carterland at:
    through a Gmail advertisement.

    It starts off innocently enough as a letter (conveniently with today’s date, or perhaps that’s just clever programming!) from Kiki Anniston, if that is her real name. She points out that girls who are attracted to jerks/players are probably codependents with an addiction to sociopaths, most likely due to being brought up in an abusive/abandoned family relationship.

    I was waiting for the kicker of a link to an easy payment plan for the ebook on how best to avoid sociopaths and learn how to date again without being attracted to the ‘wrong’ types, but strangely enough Mr. Catch Him And Keep Him strikes again!

    I’m now somewhat worried that girls who are willing to acknowledge that they are attracted to the ‘wrong’ guys and wish to take steps to avoid following that pattern again, will only be swept into Carterland’s perception of how girls and guys are meant to act.

    I also wonder if Kiki Anniston really exists.

  9. Onely

    I’m not a man, but I would imagine that all that penis-enlargement rhetoric out there might take a toll–although it’s more laughable and less subtly insidious than the DeAngelo/Carter-style of rhetoric against women.

    FWIW, I find that generally provides an honest, intelligent insight into the male mind, AND it’s free.

    From what I’ve read above about his reasoning abilities and business practices, I’m sure Carter must be a terribly unhappy, lonely, and repressed person, EVEN as he sits in his jacuzzi drinking fresh-squeezed caviar juice. -CC at Onely

  10. mary

    I fell for this jokers line and it started me feeling like it was all my fault my ex boyfriends were manipulative jerks. Most of them either had ADD, emotional problems from their childhood and drink and use drugs to cover them up, or were Bi-polar and didn’t tell me until they had me hooked! I began to feel I was the reason why they “withdrew” or left. Luckily I had found out the real reasons before Mr. Carters “lessons” from family members or learned it myself. I decided it was not me that caused these men to withdraw! They had problems that were not my fault. Mr. Carter makes it seem it is up to us to be unemotional “Stepford Women” to make a man feel they are no.1! I am really upset I fell for this mans scheme!

  11. CK

    found this for a search for something else, but i’m quite familiar with david deangelo and can say that he has figured women out on a “dating” basis. he ALWAYS steers away from relationship questions and focuses instead on the initial attraction stage and sex.

    my question with all this, as he is not wrong on what attraction takes and how it works on both sides, is that how does one integrate the idea that attraction is built on mystery and unpredictableness (basically feeding on insecurities) while what everyone seems to want from a relationship is trust and security and partnership? there is no doubt that a relationship can become boring if a certain amount of inbalance is present (which also keeps both participants on their toes, so to speak, avoiding complacency).

    any ideas on this?

  12. CK

    found this for a search for something else, but i’m quite familiar with david deangelo and can say that he has figured women out on a “dating” basis. he ALWAYS steers away from relationship questions and focuses instead on the initial attraction stage and sex.

    my question with all this, as he is not wrong on what attraction takes and how it works on both sides, is that how does one integrate the idea that attraction is built on mystery and unpredictability (basically feeding on insecurities) while what everyone seems to want from a relationship is trust and security and partnership? there is no doubt that a relationship can become boring if a certain amount of imbalance isn’t present (which also keeps both participants on their toes, so to speak, avoiding complacency).

    any thoughts on this?

  13. salvasan

    >> What are the equivalent Internet scams preying on male insecurities?

    Beyond the obvious organ lengthening drug-induced modifications? There’s that whole speed seduction thing/ pick-up artist craze: See

    Basically this market aims to convert insecure men into slick chat-up specialists by tapping into their predator/prey instinct. In this community, women (or more correctly, their numbers and facebook pages) essentially become commodities to be mined in night club settings.

  14. Amelia

    Not being a man, I don’t know how many men actually fall for them, but I am constantly getting emails and seeing ads about “male size” and things like that. It seems like if women aren’t complaining about a man being too big, he must be too small then, which obviously isn’t true.

    (that’s what those ads want you to think, though)

  15. Glenn

    Same kind of junk is in Cosmopolitan I don’t hear any hollering about that or any of the other womens magazines. They charge money for their dreck too. This is just another get mad at a man thing for not being just like you. Then the admin jumps in and turns it back on us.
    Me I have way bigger issues at stake. How about this: if male violence is to be converted into peaceful interaction before we destroy all life on this planet how can women truly help if they don’t examine their own actions and take responsibility for how they contribute to it? Or don’t: I don’t hear you calling out loud and clear stop, somehow stop, you know we can’t stop on our own. You want to blame us. That doesn’t stop anything. Really examine what I am saying here.

    • Lauri

      OOOOOHHHHH no, ALL women complain about Cosmo. Anyone with half a brain DESPISES that piece of crap. See my comment below- I talk about the heinous sexism of Cosmo. Only high school girls read Cosmo, which in and of itself is bad.

  16. Tracy

    I felt the same when I read ‘he’s just not that into you’ and other stuff though- as if there are some ‘one-size-fits-all’ rules or tips to have a fantastic life and always be in a fantastic relationship! Truthfully I think we should get happier with the concept of being single when we’re single, instead fo seeing it as a problem to fix. Life is passing by whilst worrying about all this crap!!

    • Cheryl

      The problem is not that Christian Carter has such bad ideas, but that a person can somehow circumvent the hard work to find the right partner–i.e., you have to date a lot a guys you will end up not liking, and you will like guys that don’t like you back, and sometimes treat you like crap. I wish there was a magic formula to just attract the perfect guy that would fall madly in love with me forever, but that is just not real life. I do think his programs are too expensive, but one could think of them like gambling–they are fun but you might lose more money than you could afford! Remember, if something sounds too good to be true, it is.

  17. David

    I once saw a “girlfriend wanted” ad posted on a community bulletin board in Berkeley (a physical bulletin board, not a web board.) The guy’s list of required qualities was many lines long, and included things like “stable, happy, loyal, fun, low maintenance, always there for me…” etc. The response was great: somebody had written in bold block letters across his list: “Get a dog.”

    Real men want to date — and partner with — real women. Real women have emotions, family issues, ups and downs, joys and sorrows, bad hair days, the whole catastrophe. The problem with faking up your personality in order to meet someone else’s unrealistic expectations is that you wind up coupled with or married to someone who wants somebody different from who you are.

  18. Silly-me!

    I’m humiliated to think that I actually coughed up for some dating advice from this charlatan. And now he’s going to keep charging my account.

    My bank suggested changing my card but won’t guarantee that he won’t just keep charging me BECAUSE I GAVE HIM MY DETAILS OF MY OWN FREE WILL. I might have to close my account, change all my direct debits, my standing orders, my bank details to everyone … what a mess. And that might not work because he has my address!!!

    Just shoot me. Please.

  19. Judy

    “After thinking about this for a day more, I’m also wondering, What are the equivalent Internet scams preying on male insecurities? Men, any thoughts?”

    Oh that’s easy: the dating advice targeted to women is how to catch and keep (i.e. marry) a man. The dating advice for men is how to get laid. Here’s one: … oh wait, the author’s name is David DeAngelo… isn’t that Christian Carter’s alias? Hmmmmmm……

  20. Jiji

    >>How about this: if male violence is to be converted into peaceful interaction before we destroy all life on this planet how can women truly help if they don’t examine their own actions and take responsibility for how they contribute to it?

    Men had been in charge (exclusively, as we all know) for millenia, things only began to really change 50 (fifty) years ago. Under these circumstances, I don’t think it would have been easy for women to “contribute” to (of all things) what YOU just termed “male violence”.

    No matter what the context, it makes no sense to say that yeah, there’s a problem and men may be responsible for it, but women are more responsible because they aren’t solving it for them and “taking responsibility” too.

  21. Pam

    Thank you to all who commented; I almost bought Carter’s whole package this weekend, when the man I’ve been seeing for 5 months suddenly decided “he isn’t sure he wants a serious relationship”. (he’s been telling me he loves me for 2 months and yes, the relationship is physical) Investigating Carter led me to this page. I really appreciate the few men who have commented, and those who reminded me to think for myself, and not change who I am because a man triggers my insecurities. Just still trying to figure out what to do next in my own situation– it comes down to selling out what I really want (a committed, mutually satisfying relationship that grows- ie: seeing each other 3x/week, doing varied activities) versus once a week date /dinner & dancing/sex night. I am 50 years old, and this BS is making me feel older by the minute (meaning, do I have time for these games? and…. is there any alternative?)

  22. Mark

    I smelt a rat write from the letter from Kitti someone i knew it was a scam and related to this Carter dude, notice he is good looking. Girlls Im a guy and i could smel a rat my instinct was strong and all those emotions are inb man and women. I was horrified to see these poor women sucked into this guys self ego fest. It shows there is aleays a sucker born every minute and theres always someone ready to take your cash. All I saY IS GO WITH YUOR INSTINCT AND YOU DID BECAUSE YOU ARE READING THIS THOSE WHOdidnt bought the e-book, that was another sign any sincerity there would have been a published book-my conclusion who ever is driving this has no sincerity -so how can u swallow what he is saying. Evebn if u relate to his points it is this guys intentions that lack moral fibre-expose cheats lets get to the truth

  23. Katherine

    Yes, Christian Carter is the devil. Thanks for pointing that out. It’d be nice to “get inside the mind of man” as he promises to help you do for the cost of your left arm, your self-esteem, sanity and evolution as a strong woman who doesn’t need all the BS, but the few tips he has in “Catch Him and Keep Him” (which I did actually buy) could be summed up in much fewer words and ought to be free. I think I’ll wait for the movie to come out.

  24. Betta

    I first read his online book, but new something was a miss when there was such a serious and nasty disclaimer that if you copied this online book or somehow forwarded it to someone else that he would find out and fully prosecute you. I’ve never read something so threatening in a book in my life. Yes, I understand he wrote. Yes, I understand he doesn’t want to go without getting paid. As a result of that, I read the book in secret and never told any other girlfriends about him.

    I too ordered the online super video package – which was really a rehash of the book. It was a homemade looking video that cost me money. The Half Price bookstore won’t even buy it from me for a few dollars! Zippo!

    Then I got some of his follow up CDs. He would have an interview w/some other relationship guru and provide tips to help we poor retarded girls out there. I read the disclaimer closely and new I would be getting these CDs. However, it took me three attempts via phone/email to get everything cancelled! It was not an easy task.

    Christian Carter may provide some useful tips, but he is into sales, sales, sales, sales and self-promotion —– that’s it. He is here for the money. He’s makes my skin crawl. I don’t even think HE has a long term girlfriend.

    Be very wary of this man!

  25. Tyler

    THANK YOU! I had a very similar 90 minute period of “OMG – it IS all my fault! I SHOULD get this guy’s…wait a minute…”

    I even went so far as to respond to one of his emails that keeps showing up in my inbox despite my best efforts to unsubscribe. Something along the lines of:

    “Hey douche bag, has it occurred to you that women are allowed to have feelings and not be ‘fun’ all the time? Or that maybe men actually do things that contribute to or bring about the failure of relationships and the success of relationships isn’t entirely decided by everything women do wrong? Or that what you’re really peddling here is a way to make women feel more insecure and neurotic?? You suck. Sincerely.”

    Thanks for the post 🙂

  26. Trish

    Oh boy, I’m glad I found this site because I was getting ready to spend money I don’t have. I’ve been involved with a man for over 2 years, he has yet to introduce me to his family/friends saying he wants to make sure i won’t embarrass him and won’t allow us to live together until that time. I’ve lost more money than I care to admit in this relationship. I started reading Carter’s advise and thought, “wow’, it IS my fault. I MUST change to make HIM happy.”
    are you kidding me? Thank you to everyone here that has posted and opened my eyes to the fact that I DO have a personality and it ain’t half bad! I’m 58 and definitely NOT going to put up with a 60 year old little boy. Mr. Carter cannot convince me now that its all up to me…I do believe its give AND take.

  27. Anna

    Thank you for all your comments. I was very close to order the book myself but thought I should check him up first.


    regarding the dating comments you made Im that “Kool person ” and I dont sit analysing or wanting a call or lulling over what or why so in reference to your comment Ive not made mistake and yet MR small stilll went cold”
    pls advise that its not always the case .

  29. Kelly

    I just recently broke up with a man who was great in the beginning & after a year he turned out to be a royal jerk. I have met another man I think is terrific and am hoping to make a go of things with him and have been researching online dating tips to help me understand if he really is a great guy. I say the ad for this book and almost bought it but being the intelligent woman I am I researched him. I found two reviews that claimed his book was TERRIFIC and a MUST READ… one was definitely an ad, nor sure about the other. Everything else I found told me this was a scam. Thanks to all of you for posting and helping me to save my money. Also, the advice given by some of the posters was advice I was looking for. Thanks to you all!

  30. Kay

    Have you ever gotten sucked into something that you were also ashamed to read? It happened to me yesterday. I was listlessly checking my email when I noticed a text ad that I must have seen more than 10,000 times. “How to catch and keep a man.” Those ads are as oddly ubiquitous as the text link ads for Acai Berry Wonder Diets, but I always assumed that ads with links like “Why Men Withdraw and What to Do About It” were for women who are more pathetic and malleable than me. Yesterday I joined the masses. And let me tell you. I became sickly fascinated. And angry.

    This is exactly what happened to me. I have no idea what possessed me to click on the link (other than the inherent human need to be loved & the failings of many relationships!). Firstly I could feel myself nodding internal agreement to all the scenarios that CC asked ‘Is this you?’ ‘Have you ever done any of the following…?’ and felt myself being drawn ever closer to the man who could save me from my ‘mistakes’. I then started to feel the rage build up; I have spent way too long in life blaming myself for all things that have gone wrong in relationships, only for CC to tell me that actually it was all my fault. I’d rather spend a lifetime alone than read another word that man has ever written. I feel totally manipulated and in need of a shower having come into contact with his msyoginistic outpourings. What a despicable creature, to prey on people’s basic desire to find happiness by expecting them to supress all natural feelings and/or the right to express them is bad enough; but to charge for it….

  31. Kate Lonsom

    Don’t know if it’s worth my time to leave a diverging comment here. But I have to strongly disagree with the comments I have read here. I am a well educated professional feminist woman who has been reading and listening to Christian Carter’s materials for more than two years. The author of this blog has taken things out of context and has completely mischaracterized the message of Carter’s materials. I have had one failed relationship after another in my life. I have worked for ten years in counseling and on my own to figure out why and to break the pattern. I found Carter’s materials to be like a missing puzzle piece in understanding my part in my relationship failures. For the last year and a half I have been in a happy relationship. The first in my 40+years. Of course most of that is due to my own persistence and hard work,but Carter’s materials gave me the tools I needed to better understand: how to communicate with men, how men process and deal with emotions, how to be my true self in the context of relationship and attract a man for who I am, not what I do.
    Just wanted to offer a differing perspective. It’s always good to hear both sides of the story. And by the way I do agree that the cd materials are over-priced, but people pay the price because the information is very valuable for them as they has been for me. The book however is only 20$ and more than worth it. I call it my boyfriend owner’s manual:)

    • spike

      I agree. I found most of the information useful. I do think that the information applies more to a personality type rather than a gender.

  32. Lovinly

    This is the only site that I’ve found that wasn’t some sort of consumer review that didn’t lead to advertising or promoting his products. I, too, was just about to click ‘Finish Order’ when something told me not to. This was my second attempt, and thought for sure I’d go through with it this time. All I wanted was the book and then realized he was going to send DVDs for FREE and that if I didn’t want them I could just send them back..But I thought, what a hassle for me. And yes, it also occurred to me that I’d have to call and ask to unsubscribe within the month. I’m DYING to get into my man’s mind…I just thought this was the ticket. I hear what everyone is saying, and at the same time, I do agree with Kate above that it is likely useful for providing insight. I guess I won’t be ordering it now, and continue to search for some answers about my own situation. But my goodness, I’m 46 and I never thought I’d be needing STILL to learn about men… Nor did I ever think I’d still be learning about me. But I realize..the learning about ourselves and men continue for a lifetime…

  33. Kendra Scott

    I am a intelligent, highly educated, attractive woman and I still have a strong desire to get inside a man’s head but am not motivated by insecurities. So Christian Carter is a ripoff. Can anyone recommend any good books on the subject that I can get at the library?

  34. Melanie

    Hahaha! Thank you all so much! I’m intellegent and well-educated, and yet, my own insecurities had me one click away from ordering this piece of garbage 🙂 But like so many of you here, something inside of me told me to check this guy out first. Good for us! If we apply this amazing intuition into choosing men, we’re all going to be just fine. After all, we’ve just successfully avoided being taken in by yet another self-aggrandizing idiot, and that’s really what the challenge is here:) And just for the record, I’ve slept with plenty of guys on the first date – apparently they don’t feel the same way about it as ‘Christian’, because they ALWAYS call me for another date (I don’t mean just for more sex, I mean dinner, trips out of town, the works). I do agree with him, that it is a bad idea to come off as clingy or needy. However, that applies to men just as much as it does to women! Thank you ladies – you’ve just saved me $29.95.

  35. deborah

    Thanks to all off you for your comments.
    I never signed up for his program because I didn´t have a credit card(thank God!)
    But I read a lot of his stuff, hoping I´d learn something positive but the more I read the worse I felt. So I´ve stopped.
    So good toknow there are others out there 🙂 Good comments very good points!!!

  36. Nicole

    Dude, massive thanks for the 411 about this manic. I was so about to purchase his crap but by mail. None-the-less a day at an old folks home with some wise old timers would be a better use of my time and energy learning from them, than to line the pockets of this moron. Keep shouting from the rooftops so all women can hear THIS GUY IS A CON MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  37. Sage

    Wow!!!! I cam across CCs website via MySpace and was about to do the free 7 day order thing, when I thought about doing some investigating. I’m glad I did. I am 47 and just recently joined a dating service…. I’ve been divorced and like others here have said, have had a number of failed relationships. The dating service is not cheap and I have read some bad reviews about the company…and am not sure that I made the right choice…but… I am just going to “do it”. 🙂 So I am not going to buy CCs stuff but as Kendra asked, can anyone recommend a good book? Remember the Venus/Mars books? I tried reading them but just could not get into them…

  38. Maxine

    that’s for posting ladies! I too was nearly convinced by CC (had signed up to the emails, but too wary to purchase). The thing about his emails is that they go into great detail describing common dating/relationship problems so that you really identify with what he’s saying, but the endless hints that it will all be solved by his book just didn’t ring true.

    There is def something amiss with “the modern man”s behaviour, and i think that women need to make a stand to let the world know that they deserve better. I don’t actually agree that men and women are hugely different, it is just that society has deemed certain behaviours appropriate for each gender.

    It’s all too easy, as a woman to think it is your fault. For years i despaired that i was attracted to the ‘wrong men’, the ones that are more interested in simple sex and don’t value you for the person you are. But my current relationship is the final straw in terms of me taking responsibility for these ‘failures’. I met a guy, didn’t feel instant attraction, complaining to my girlfriends that ‘he was too nice’ (as in, not the normal bastard type that usually turns me on) but he was very persistant at the start, ‘chasing’ me even when i advised that we probably shouldn’t date for various practical reasons. His persistance, gift giving and being nice and considerate, paid off and i decided (note: conscious) to let myself trust him and consider a proper relationship with him. I even think i started to fall in love with him. And this is when the typical situation that CC describes happened, he changed his behaviour, once the chase was over and pulled back and made it clear that he ‘can’t commit’ etc etc. Basically, this sweetheart guy that i thought was a sign of me maturing and finally having a ‘proper relationship’ where we would mutually care for each other, turned around and acted just like the arseholes that i usually date (who i know respect for their upfront and honest nature!!). A most confusing situation.

    BUT this behaviour is not restricted to men. Recently i caught up with a guy i dated before i met the confused nice guy. This guy was also nice (something i inherently distrust, perhaps for good reason?) and had a lot of great things going for him. When i saw him recently i was reminded that he is better looking and less superficial that the one i’m currently dating, so why didn’t i pursue him? And the answer is that he was too keen on me. It’s completely stupid, i know, but when someone wants to devote themselves to you they are asking a lot actually, asking for you to live up to their expectations. So i think the guy i’m currently dating is dealing with his own insecurities, after i made it clear that i could consider something serious with him. That part i can understand. Now, the philosophy of CC (or whoever he is) could just work in this situation. If you are ‘fun’ and distract him from his insecurities then they decrease in importance and that is a great thing. What is NOT acceptable though is putting all the onus on the woman in this process. I didn’t cause his insecurities, and am willing to help him work through them if necessary, but why does it have to be through subtle manipulations that take a lot of effort on my part, and worse than that, a very tight control on my own emotions, so as not to provoke any unpleasant ones in him. I mean one of the insecurities is that i have a higher status job than him! That is societies fault, not mine for getting an education and career, so why should i have to spend time and effort soothing his ego about it?

    I have seen girls carry out the ‘cool girl’ charade, and consequently get their man, but that is not who i am, so i sincerely hope i find someone that doesn’t expect that of me. And if not i’m happy to have a full life as a single gal with great friends : )

  39. Rebecca

    Everyone THANK YOU for saving me months of hassels. I was really considering getting the e-book and I went on a search to find if for free out there, when I landed ont his sight. So glad I did! Last thing I want to do is get caught up in hassel that’s really difficult to get out of. I don’t need to focus on a man’s mind, I’ll stick to focusing on just my life. Thanks Again!

  40. Carey

    Thanks to everyone who posted their comments about this jerk! I did get the e-book and after reading half way through I thought (are girls realy that pathetic). Of course not we are who we are. Men also have to realize we are very emotinal people and we have the right to tell a man what we feel. Cool girl or not. This is just one mans opinion on what he wants from a girl. I have many Male friends and not one of them was as bad as this guy. So girls be yourself and don’t forget who you are.

  41. Shannon

    ok, CC and David deangelo ARE the same person, but that’s not even his/their real name. its eben w. pagan and there is a wikipedia page about him listing him as a member of the “seduction community” and that a name he used for that online community was hypnosis spelled backwards, and he teaches men how to double their dating and how to be a player with women or be in a relationship if he so chooses. he’s about manipulation of your heartstrings and your wallet, regardless of your plumbing, although I do personally agree with some of the earlier posts that he really doesn’t like women and probably thinks we’re the more gullible prey, should act like stepford wives and are to blame for our relationship woes. yes, I have the ebook and I get the emails, although I thankfully never got scammed into the DVD collection being continually sent to me. he’s out to play on our emotions and get our money. he holds no masters or doctorate in psychology or therapy. notice how he’s also not married. if he was legit, why are his books not avail at barnes and noble? and yes, why does eharmony use him? you are all right when you say that acting the CC way will lead to certain demise when your partner starts to see the real you. its the same this with those “why men love bitches” books. you put on an act, what are you left with 5-10 years down the road? I’ve had to learn the hard way that you have to not be afraid to be you. when you try to be something you’re not, that’s when relationships fail.

  42. Debbie

    Not sure where you got your info but Christian Carter is not David DeAngelo…David DeAngelo is Eben Pagen…Christian Carter is Christian Carter..he does seminars in his own name. He gets women because he strikes at their emotions..he knows how to bring up all their(our) fears…all sales is either solving a person’s pain or appealing to their sense of pleasure.

    All i can say is that after reading some of his material I began to observe men and talk to my good guy friends about some of the suggestions ..and most of them agreed with him.

    i know nothing of the “credit” issues so can’t comment there.

  43. shannon

    yes, after going on google first, then on youtube, you can clearly see that yes, deangelo/pagan ARE the same person, but carter is not, however, they are part of the same marketing company that sells dvds for marketing, relationships, picking up women, and weight loss. i also found another name: adam armstrong in my search, and showed him to be pagan/deangelo. DD, CC, AA……all pseudonyms for god only knows who is behind all of this. the guys on youtube might not even be the real mastermind, just pretty faces to sell the product. it gets pretty scary the more research i did. look also into the whole pickup artist/seduction community and look for jerks named julian foxx and vin decarlo. so scary and sick

  44. lisa

    boy, i am glad i found this message board. i was looking for a place to post a review of this book and i’m not disappointed here.

    i read carter’s book with an open mind, and some of the stuff he’s saying makes sense…like…uh, don’t sleep with a guy on the first date if you want him to respect you. but, other than that, it seems like giant tome that could easily be renamed “how to land a jerk in 10 days.” also when you sign up for his newsletter, you get emails from him a couple of times a week, half of which are in BIG CAPITAL LETTERS, telling me everything i’ve ever done wrong. and he tells women not to nag. puhleaze.

    i read the e-book and the newsletters for a while, until i couldn’t take the misogynistic viewpoint anymore. i don’t consider myself a feminist, but he really talks down to women. a lot.

    “mary says:

    I fell for this jokers line and it started me feeling like it was all my fault my ex boyfriends were manipulative jerks. Most of them either had ADD, emotional problems from their childhood and drink and use drugs to cover them up, or were Bi-polar and didn’t tell me until they had me hooked! I began to feel I was the reason why they “withdrew” or left. Luckily I had found out the real reasons before Mr. Carters “lessons” from family members or learned it myself. I decided it was not me that caused these men to withdraw! They had problems that were not my fault.”

    mary, i am so with you about the manipulative guys, or the guys who are bipolar and don’t tell you until you’re hooked. i had two very bad experiences with such gentlemen in high school, and then in college, i had a very bad experience with someone who was bipolar and i didn’t know about it until i found out from a mutual friend several years later. that wasn’t my fault. and, when i was in the “getting to know you” stage of the relationship, i, without carter’s advice, did everything i could to make him interested in my personality and my interests, and not my looks. i knew that because i was pretty, i had to work twice as hard as a not-so-pretty girl to get a good guy interested in me. then he withdrew and told me i was too shy (which he knew about me, like, nine months before we even went out), i was too skinny and too pretty. then i found out from my friend that none of that was even true, he was just crazy. la la la.

    some stuff carter points out i think are true, like how guys are looking for an emotional and intellectual connection, and only the jerks want just the physical stuff. that is true. i know many guys who will take personality over looks, but i think most men want both. but, i’m tired of the nagging emails and i’m going to unsubscribe. but his approach is that all relationships end because the woman did something wrong, and the guy can’t put up with his naggy gf’s PMSing anymore, and that isn’t true at all.

    anyway, i am in a relationship and the person i am with loves me for all my quirks, my insecurities and puts up with my schizophrenic mom calling him at 2 a.m. wondering where i am.

    i also was suspicious of him pushing the online dating thing. i was like…is he…making money off some online dating site?

    sorry this is so long.

  45. Rachel

    I illegally obtained his book from sites I’m not too proud to mention, to read what exactly he had to say and was disappointed with the garbage he was spewing. But, c’est la vie.

    On a completely unrelated note, I thought I’d comment on the types of things that men are getting: anyone ever heard of the Sex God Method? Or… How to get a Woman to Do WHATEVER YOU WANT?

    Yeah. Talk about disgusting. I’m just surprised no one has made mention of this piece of garbage.

  46. Colleen

    Chris Carter’s ads are on the logout page of E-Harmony’s site. I am currently dating a guy and everything was going swimmingly until I asked him to have dinner with myself and another couple, then he freaked about being trapped and committing to couples activities etc… Whatever, guy has issues. Then of course he pulls back. Stops calling me everyday (and night) stops telling me he can’t wait to see me. In a week moment I clicked on the link for the Catch Him and Keep Him site.

    I’m in Internet Marketing so I recognize the style of site that he has. The fact that he is the first 5 or so pages on the search engines, all blogs, ezine articles and what not, pointing to his site. It took some searching to find complaints about him, but I’m glad I took the time. What a scam artist. Praying on women’s emotions and insecurities.

    After reading your blog, I feel once again empowered. I suggest “He’s Just not that Into You” by Greg Behrendt. Under $15 and you can pick it up at any book store. So much more helpful and Greg’s book works on building your self esteem, not tearing it down. There are too many men out there ready to do the latter.

    Ladies, don’t listen to Chris Carter, he’s a hack!

  47. Singletude: A Positive Blog for Singles

    I’ve read Christian Carter’s ubiquitous ads but never gave up my credit card number. I’m not surprised to learn now, a year or two later, that he’s a scammer of the first order.

    Yes, this guy seems like a world class misogynist, and yes, he’s preying on insecure people (which is all of us, at one time or another). There are many others like him floating around the Internet, as other commenters have pointed out, and they’ve been adequately described above.

    What stands out to me most about these charlatans is that they ALL dispense the same message–how to have a faux relationship. Whatever men may want or not want, most women want to be in a relationship for the sake of companionship, support, emotional intimacy, romance. In short, we want to experience a genuine connection with someone. What these misleading programs teach is that you not only have to adopt behaviors and traits that may be alien to who you are but that you also should never expect to have that genuine relationship that you long for. The most you should expect is to have some lighthearted fun because, according to this knucklehead, that’s all men want.

    I ask you, what woman would want a relationship like that? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of a relationship? Yet somehow these fools sell their shtick to woman after woman.

    I wonder if the popularity of this drivel can be partly blamed on the discrimination single women face. Perhaps if we didn’t confront so much pressure to accept coupling as a norm, we wouldn’t be so ready to blame ourselves if we don’t or tolerate a sham relationship just to have the cache of a boyfriend.

  48. Rick P

    “cool girl is basically someone who is unpredictable, fun, emotionally balanced, has no insecurities, easygoing, and independent.”

    It’s interesting so many of you are offended about this instead of keeping an open mind for learning.

    Obviously there are exceptions but it is a reality of life that people (men and women) with the above description have more opportunities to be in a relationship than someone boring, not fun, emotionally unstable with lots of insecurities.

    Most attractive people have LOTS of options. If you want to improve your chances of having someone like that in your life, obviously you’d want to be the best person you can be and have your life together.

    “I ONLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a woman who already has her act together, is attractive, healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, and who is emotionally in control of herself and her own life.. . . without trying to change me or turning our relationship into MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on my own.”

    Duh. I’m sure most of you here would prefer a man with the above description too.

  49. Lauri

    uggghhh…..I HATE this sexist B.S. If both women and men hate being with each other so much, and we’re soooo different from one another, and we’re all supposed to pretend we’re something we’re not, then why are we even freaking BOTHERING?

    These “dating gurus” always, always, blame women for any and all relationship problems. We all want to marry ANY guy who crosses our paths and immediately procreate. We all complain and moan and try to change men and get fat and wear the wrong clothes and too much make up or not enough make up or we’re too happy with our careers or we don’t have a good enough career or we make too much money or we’re mooching off a guy or we’re not giving them enough sex or we’re sleeping with them too early….it never ends. Apparently, in relationships, women can do nothing right. Men, however, just sit back and dictate how things are “supposed” to be. As far as I know, the whole point of this dating and relationship thing is for there to be 2 people.

    I once picked up a Cosmo while waiting in line at the pharmacy. The headline on the cover was “the ONE thing you can do that will make him your’s.” It wasn’t one thing, it wasn’t one thing, it was a whole list of things. And wasn’t what you can do, it was what you CAN’T do. Some gems from that article:
    -always wear tight jeans and heels on a date. Never wear a lose fitting dress or flats
    -do not mention your job, ever. Even if you’re not complaining, when women talk about jobs it sounds like they’re complaining.
    -just don’t talk period. Anything a woman says is just boring to a guy.
    It sounds like I am exaggerating, but these are almost literal quotes from this article. The fact that WOMEN eat this crap up and shell out hard earned dollars for it is sickening.

    • Rachel

      I can’t tell you how much I like your comment….

      You just said it all!!!

  50. Lauri

    You know, I was just thinking. The most needy, emotionally unbalanced, desperate, insecure women I know are married.

    • sarah

      i have read a few books, articles etc about how to be with men, but what i have finally realized is that of course men dont want someone who is needy or over emotional just as a woman doesnt want a man like that, but the most important thing is to just be yourself, then u will attract someone who is right for u.

  51. Susie

    I agree that much of what CC writes about focuses on getting the woman to assume virtually all responsibility for the success of failure of the relationship. At the same time, he has written the odd thing that’s useful. His stuff on what a “mature man” is is a great reminder not to get involved with self-centered men who DO make you completely responsible for the happiness of the relationship. The trick, with his stuff, is to never subscribe or buy his books/DVDs, get his little e-mails for free and then pick through them to see if there is anything useful in them. (If nothing else, his “mature man” material helped me get out of a relationship in which a guy SAID he loved me, but frequently DID things that showed he didn’t – like attacking me verbally because I didn’t respond in the way I “should”.)

    • Rachel

      Thank you, Susie, you expressed exactly what I wanted to say… I too, felt sickened that I was suckered in by this fool pretending to be an expert on male/female psychology and relationships. His book was so simplistic and full of grammatical mistakes, it was laughable! As a high school English teacher, I’d have to say a student who turned in such a poorly researched and written work in my class would receive a D+ at best!

      Christian Carter’s shameless prey on women’s insecurities to turn a profit is indeed reprehensible… However, he has inadvertently given a few good pieces of advice on how to avoid the “jerks” and emotional midgets and move on to the mature, moral “good men” out there. They are there, ladies, and have always been there. We just need to stop swallowing the premise that relationships are all the responsibilty of the female – and wake up to the fact that many men are just creeps! The disturbing thing is that Christian Carter is out there influencing a lot of insecure women who are desperate to find a man, “catch him” (like a trout), and hold on for dear life. The title of his book seems to contradict his advice… and the entire text is so full of contradictions and repetition, it’s mind-numbing!!

      Oh, and one more thing… who’s to say that a relationship that ends in marriage is necessarily a “success”? Did CC check the divorce statistics in this country? And who’s to say that every woman even desires marriage? I’ve had several relationships that I consider meaningful, enriching, and “successful” – and none of them resulted in marriage – by my choice!!

  52. The momentarily obnoxious H.

    Gosh, I usually would not feel like commenting, but I think too many women in this thread are doing harm to themselves by simplifying things and running into a wall just because it is in the opposite direction.

    And YES, I feel entitled to do so because I am a man.

    I still want to add that I absolutely of disagree with any kind of credit card fraud. I also understand that women would feel more awkward getting “help” from such a book and feeling more desperate than a man would (this already proves a point about great differences between the sexes by the way)

    I am very interested in psychology and when I saw the ad, I was curious whether the things written in there were true, AND THEY ARE. I am not a cold man, I am reasonable, well educated and confront my own emotions, and I could still not believe that this book made me understand so well why I lost interest in some girls when I was unable to explain it.

    I recognized so many situations I had been in and I somehow felt less guilty by seeing that those women simply broke rules that applied to a majority of men.


    I get that many want to take me as an example for the blame being put on women, but I am not. Men and women both make mistakes. Men’s mistakes just lead to not getting together with women they want and therefore settling with some they are not satisfied with. Women’s mistakes lead to choosing the wrong guy out of the many she could have had or chasing the right one away.

    The mistakes of both sides can still be prevented by understanding what the other side wants and WITHOUT HAVING TO HIDE WHO YOU ARE. It is just a blatant exaggeration to claim that this book does so, it is even an insult to women (yes, I’m a bit mad at the moment)

    After all, being interesting and unpredictable just means : don’t be a boring couch potato (you don’t have to go skydiving or be a schizo) and I have met tons of women who fit that description (I have mainly female friends, because they are more fun and more interesting)

    To say that the women this book praises are just cold fictional creatures destined to live an unhappy life is an insult to millions of great women out there, some of which you all know and have as your friends. (just as I do)

    Some women here seemed to assume that the proposals of action described the new roles they would have to play, while it just explained : this is what makes a cool female person.

    It is not an explanation how to be a bitch, a slut or some heartless creature, it just explains what men really seek in women. If you are telling a friend of yours not to talk about marriage on the first date or not to call a guy ten times a day, are you then feeling guilty because you are telling her to hide her personality??????

    Most probably no, you rather think that her insecurities are not her entire personality and that the guy should first get to know what she really is about, because women are more than just their insecurities, just as men are.

    Men are humans too and know women have insecurities, just as you know that men have them. But nobody of any sex wants to have those thrown in your face before you get to know the rest of the person.

    By the way, it sounds hypocritical if some women seem shocked by the idea of differences between male and female thinking, while they would still not date a guy who behaves like a woman.

    In general terms: woman breaks up because guy makes mistake or she has issues; same thing when man breaks up. The mistake may be the incompatibility of those two personalities or the lack of understanding how the other sex functions. Would be sad if it happened only because of the latter, wouldn’t it?

    Just my basic message, not all of you need this book, but the more you protest the more you seem not to understand that at least his explanations are right. (Don’t you think I felt stupid for having some Pickup Artist explain to me how I function without having realized it before?) I found it interesting, but am glad I got it for free for it just satisfied my curiosity.

    If this seemed like a good marketing measure, I accept the compliment even though that wasn’t my goal. (no marketing exp. work in the legal business) I don’t want you to buy this book, just take the truths you can get out of it and use them somehow to your advantage.

    • Patty

      Well Mr. appears to me that you sure took quite a bit of thought and time typing that one out. You make some good points. I am curious, now almost a year later, are you still single? Seriously, I’m curious, still single, or did you finally find someone who figured you out? ~Signed, Me

  53. idiosyncratic

    As has been pointed out, Carter says that relationships should not involve MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on my own. However, the tips Carter describes on how to “get a man” (and frankly, the men he describes) definitely involve WAY more work and WAY less fun than I can have on my own. Hence, I am a quirkyalone. (I really don’t know what women would find his approach “fun”.)

  54. Sun (Lori)

    Christian Carter is too depressing for us to read. He wants to strip you of all that you are and change your gender. If you are seeing a guy who can’t take you for you, dump him.

    I will admit, I have read about four of those emails. All I am am single, 45 and had been seeing someone for a little while as really good friends. There is no emotion in our relationship, absolutely no romance.
    It had sucked (for me more than him I believe) but we both have had issues that our friendship has helped to work out. It takes time and patience and who knows whether or not we will grow into something more, but my point is, I have learned a great deal from this guy. I learned what kind of man I need in my life. He lacks affection. Not the man for me.

  55. johnny

    Hey, I’m a guy in my mid-fifties, divorced for a couple of years and actively dating.

    At least there is one thing that comes with age–no one out there, including this dating guru, knows anymore about anything than you do. It’s all huff and blow and smoke on their side. Some people might have some unique personal issues, but most don’t. And if you have those issues, spend a few hundred dollars and see a professional therapist. Other than that, trust your own instincts.

  56. Lynn

    Thank you to the man (“The momentarily obnoxious H” – funny name for your posting-lol) who gave his full ranged perspective – and a balanced one at that.

    Thank you for all the thoughts shared here – even those that I feel were taken way out of context (having experienced all sides of this discussion).

    I DO have to say though that I, too, have been reading Christian Carter’s emails for years, bought the ebook (didn’t have ongoing charges of any kind, though) and recently bought the DVD series.

    You have to listen to ANYTHING with a grain of salt and interpret it for what fits for you and what resonates. Yes, there are generalities that he uses – that will be inherent in advice of this kind – but HE EVEN SAYS within his work that everyone is different.

    He also does NOT advocate dating jerks – he even talks about that (at least on the DVD series) and suggests that instead of us trying to figure out how to snag a man who’s an asshole or jerk, how about seeing that they’re one of those and not waste our effort – how about having self-respect and making better choices.

    He also talked about when having the ‘talk’ with a man, to NOT approach it in a weak way of “well, can I share something with you’, all cautious and stepping on rice paper – but to speak with confidence and share your truth. That a man will love, respect and honor when he’s being communicated with a girl who’s not afraid to say what’s so for them and does so with ease and confidence (and with caring and without blame, I might add).

    So, that, along with some other tidbits, I’m picking up that resonate with me are helpful. Does he drivel on and on (take 1000 words to say a point that could be conveyed in 250 words), sure. Are there things he says that just feel like too broad a generalization t times, sure. But there ARE some gems there and I’m finding it to be a reminder to cultivate ourselves into being the best person we can be – for ourselves first – and that our being authentic, confident and not afraid of speaking our truth will be what attracts a real man of quality into our life.

    As for the marketing techniques and credit card charges – I’m sorry to hear the company took longer than it should to reimburse but TRUST ME, they WILL because they do NOT want to bring down this business because of not honoring cancelling accounts. They probably just had some internal issues in getting it handled.

    And look, this IS a business, so of course he’s going to charge for his materials or it wouldn’t be out there. Its OUR choice to buy or not so take responsibility for that and don’t make him wrong for putting materials out there.

    I actually applaud him for the emails he sends as he is actually giving advice within them and not just sending out long sales letters (which a lot more other marketing styles do). So he’s given away a LOT for free (whether you agree with his
    advice or not).

    In the end, the best advice is to listen to your heart – start trusting that source – and ALWAYS stand in your truth and your power – and leave the voices of insecurity on low while focusing on the appreciation of who you are and what you have to offer – not in a ‘proving’ type of way (THAT is what turns people off and has men pull back) but in a knowing, allowing, open, even radiant way. THAT will be a turbo-charged magnet for a man in your life.

    Good luck to everyone, I DO wish for all of us to find love. Its there in abundance, if we allow ourselves to look at it that way instead of focusing on the negative.

    FYI, I’m seeing someone right now (I’m 47 and he’s 43) At first I was having trouble getting my brain around why he wouldn’t be in communication more often between dates – especially when we were having these amazing dates together (going out about twice a week) and then, after talking with some girlfriends and guy friends I learned that some men just are that way – they’ll be thinking about you but they’re not necessarily reaching out to you.

    Even my girlfriend’s husband of now 15 years – he always was that way, even when he was courting her. He’s gotten better over the years, thanks to her communicating what she needs and wants, but its just different styles.

    Its in understanding these type of things that help us to not react in ways that will then push someone away. In allowing that to happen instead of panicking and my over calling or texting him to overcompensate or, the converse, my pulling away thinking it means he’s not interested, its allowed this beautiful relationship to develop and evolve.

    Sometimes, we need to be given the chance for us to be seen as our real selves and in the beginning there’s so much ‘stuff’ going on that other factors keep it from being experienced and something that could have been great is pushed away or discarded.

    I appreciate and embrace these ideas that can act as tools for understanding and guide us into allowing something real to happen and to find love.

    • teenage girl trying to figure it out

      Thank you for that analysis– it helped a lot.

      I read Mr. Carter’s advice in somewhat of a state of desperation and found a lot of it to be really useful in figuring out why why I had been in certain harmful relationships.

      It is interesting that my parents had been trying to communicate the importance of self-worth but I didn’t really understand what they were saying… resulting in a period of bad relationships, compromises of integrity and emotional pain.

      So, while I wouldn’t buy his products, I have signed up for his emails and will plan to take what works.

      The best part about what you said was (paraphrased):

      Speak with confidence and share your truth because a man will love, respect and honor communication from a girl who’s not afraid to speak knowingly, in a non-judgmental way.

      As women, we must cultivate within ourselves our better natures – being the best for ourselves first – because being authentic, confident, not afraid of our own virtue and assured in our self worth will be what attracts a real man of quality into our lives.

      Thanks for helping me realize that again.

    • MR

      I wholeheartedly agree with everything you have said. I’ve never been one for self-help, but Mr. Carter’s book is worth reading. Some points make perfect sense and his insight into the male psyche is astounding at times.

      In this day and age, courtship and what women and men expect of each other in courtship has changed. And not for the best. Women have lost a lot. Mr. Carter basically preaches that women should have more self-respect, be more selective with the men the lets into her life, refrain from dating jerks and once in a relationship, understand the male psyche in order to make it work. There is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with a bit of empathy, of putting yourself in your partners position and from that position, reaching out. Should women do all the work? Of course not, but since you’re the only one you can change, why not aim for self-improvement, why not aim for learning how to teach a guy to be your guy?

      As for Carter charging for his materials… we all have to eat. It’s a business, but he’s not a con-artist. He’s just a guy with one hell of a lot of insight.

  57. Paulette

    Christian Carter is legit. His prices are fair. He’s not perfect, but if you read and listen to his ideas, they make sense. There are a lot of negative posters here, but you also gotta take your own personality into consideration. If things do not work out, it’s because you are not applying it correctly or you haven’t taken the ideas to heart, or it’s your personality!

    • Les

      LOLOLOLOL..omg. I’m not playing make believe or compromising my character to “catch” any man. According to this “logic” I suppose my now exboyfriend was jerking off online with strangers and burning up his cell phone because I’M F’d up in the head?? I think not.

  58. melissa

    OMG….though I have MUCH to say, I wont even waste time on a “book” written by someone as pedestrian and unevolved as Carter..(plus I am sure there are many women out there who will do it for me;) .If it werent for the fact that “information” like this is destructive when read by maliable individuals it is merely laughable…Carter you are a narcissistic slob who hopefully does not believe these things…I would almost respect you more if I thought you were doing this for money than for the fact that you believe your own shit…The only self respecting women who would even buy or read this (aside from those who are merely curious…like one would be when passing a train wreck) are most definitely victims of abuse for whom English is a second (or third) language..and it is not right to prey on them..Your narrowmindedness is staggering, distasteful and irresponsible and your aversion to women as equals or valuable at all, obvious and repulsive, but no threat to me..OR MAYBE YOU ARE JUST TO MUCH OF A CATCH FOR ME AND I AM THREATENED BY THAT…LOL!

    • RSO

      Thanks for your comment! I bought Carter’s DVDs after searching online something to cheer me up after a relationship break and I have felt like a stupid shit month after month with the installements. Although, for the Medium class American maybe Carter is revolutionary! it was not for me, all the contrary, in fact (I live in Spain) but I can say that some of the interviews (mainly the one to Mary Forleo) are helpul and interesting

  59. Crystal

    Ok, when a man is advising us on how to MAKE A MAN feel emotions for us, something is wrong. He speaks as if men are dogs to train and catch. He ‘advises’ on how to capture a man and get him to feel things for us…um, no, sorry, but I personally dont want to force a man to love me, or trick him into thinking he does. I just had a bad break up which i why I looked into him, but his stuff is bullshit, and any guy would tell you so. Just be yourself, dont be or act stupid, and a man will love you for you, not because you are tricking him into it.

    • Rachel

      Amen! The idea that we, as females, have to trick and manipulate a man to get him to “love” us is just a complete contradiction to the notion of “being true to yourself,” and developing healthy self-esteem!

      I am a high school art teacher, and I am constantly helping kids (male and female) to express themselves, celebrate their individuality, and nurture a healthy viewpoint of themselves. Teenage girls in particular struggle with their self-image, as they are bombarded daily by media images and messages telling them they must be something they are not – – much of it in order to “snare” a man and hold on to him for dear life!

      That’s the problem I have with this guy who wrote this… I agree, he’s not really an author who deserves all the time and attention I’m giving him here…. but it’s disturbing that so many women are listening to an author who has so very little of value to say…

  60. Jasmine

    HAHAH! Very true! I’ve been receiving his email adds and I’ve been amazed how the titles “follow” whatever my emotion/insecurity of that day is. It’s odd, like the person sending it has been in my head or something. I also contemplated ordering it, but when I read about the subscription thought better of it. Plus I learned that communication is the key to healthy relationships, and he’s essentially telling women to keep quiet, play hard to get, and pretend to be perfect. HA! I wonder how healthy his relationships are….

  61. Cathy

    I think he is a savy marketing scammer. I mistakenly clicked on his ad. It asked for my email address, now I am getting his “newsletter” that basically is full of hot air and typos. It preys on your insecurities. My boyfriend was getting similar “newsletters” from a guy named David DeAngelo who claimed to be an expert on women. The writing style is so similar, I suspect they are the same person. If you want to give him your credit card, go ahead, but I’m betting you’ll just get a verbal run around. I got a headache reading his crap that never seems to make a point.

    • Nettie

      Yep … you are right. One and the same person. Predator at its best. Good luck. I was curious, gave him my email address. Suckered in and now bailing out fast. Preys on people with LOW SELF-ESTEEM. I’m not changing for any man either. Love me as I am or leave me alone thanks.

  62. Caroline

    I agree that CC’s material is worth reading.I kept making the same stupid mistakes over and over in relationships. Some guys were nice, some assholes, it didnt matter, they all ended. I had a great career, many years of transformational therapy under my belt, and still it seemed, no ability to move past the initial part of the relationship. After reading CC’s book, I wanted to scream, not only because his presentation is so cheesy, but because if I had only known a few basic things I might have had a better shot. I applied much of what he said and find myself now engaged with a great guy. My man dotes on me, adores me and loves all of me. I am more self expressed and self confident in this relationship than any other. What CC says is downright uncomfortable and seemingly anti-feminist, but if done correctly, he offers great tools that work. I only bought the ebook, which is a fair price, and did not go for anything else. His marketing could use an upgrade.

    And I do not agree that he says to put on an act, quite the opposite, he teaches to be yourself, to speak your truth from the get go in a confident and calm way. To stand up for what you want, and if you are not met to move on. i feel I have a much better gauge at what is legitimately a concern,and what is just guy stuff, and then how to deal with that. Where is the problem??

  63. Pat

    I have enjoyed the programs. I have six of them in addition to the ebook. But some of the comments I read above are obsurd. For instance that females are supposed to be quiet and play hard to get. His entire program on Communication Secrets is on communication, and it never implied keeping quiet. I think he has done a great job of putting into words the feelings and details that are obviously more common that I realized. I assume he does a similar mens’ program. And I hope it’s as right on, putting emphasis on teaching men how to listen. The programs were expensive, and that is my only complaint. That and the fact that women are the ones who care about relationships to purchase them. Guys act as if all they have to do is breathe. I wish Christian could make some comments on that.

    • Londongirl.

      Hello, im really curious as to what program did u enjoy the most?
      I really want to buy his dvd’s but im still quite undecided as to which one is the best. I know it depends of what particular situation is going on in ur life. They are pricey and thats why i cant afford to buy them all.
      i would really appreciate a reply.
      thank you

  64. Yeepy

    I don’t read trash like Carter’s. I don’t read “The Rules”. I’m happy being solo and I don’t care what men think.

    Now if a few of you would just line up to take off my hands the men who literally chase and stalk me all the time because something about all of the above attracts them like fruit flies.

    • Danielle

      all of the above what? I can’t tell if you are sarcastic or just a crazy person…..

  65. Danielle

    I found his book very intriguing. I haven’t experienced any installments or charges yet. I will raise hell if I do. However, I am all for chicks learning to change. I think women are way too emotional and annoying, and even though I am one. I honeslty have to say I have experienced this first hand…everything I read made sense to me. Was no real epiphony. Guys don’t want drama, and you can def. have feelings with them, infact once they are really into you, they love it. There are also different types of men. Some are asbolute lugheds while others are spiritual, connected, wordly, open-minded and you actually feel like you can really connect. I am learning a lot. Going to listen to the Interviews cd that came in the mail. I am being very open-minded. And well I never once didn’t sleep with a guy too soon. That’s a HUGE one for me…..that’s very easy to correct as I am tired of being single. Even though I have had 3 men in the last year, all adoring me like crazy……I am doing somrthing right, but they are just not the right ones. It’s time for me to be more respectful of myself…and “be selective”…hell yeah!

  66. Deb

    I somehow got sucked into clicking on that ad some time ago, too. Now I keep getting the emails from him. I read them out of some sick fascination, and they sometimes make my blood boil.

    Especially when he tells the reader to look in the mirror and slap themselves in the face.

    I ask this, why do women still have to do all the work? (Like read his books) And men apparently still have the ability to go about life as they please, according to Mr Carter. Does he ever help MEN understand WOMEN?

    And he’s obviously never met some of the emotional train wrecks (men) I’ve dated.

  67. spinsterette

    Christian Carter is no different to any other published relationship “expert” writing for single women.

    It’s always the woman’s fault, always the woman who has to change, and never the man – a point I’ve only just noticed myself after reading too many of the things.

    To be honest, I feel like the publishing world has manufactured a gender war to ensure demand: men are taught to manipulate women (e.g. Pick Up Artists) and women are taught to blame themselves for falling for the men’s manipulations. Likewise, women’s magazines tell women how to change themselves for men, and men’s magazines tell men how to sleep with as many women as possible.

    Carter’s a great copywriter and marketer, nothing more.

    • Independent Woman

      I couldn’t agree more with you…

    • Lisa

      Well said, spinsterette! You are very perceptive about the media and the marketing of “books that sell.” As someone who worked in the publishing field for many years, I can tell you that truth, inspiration, or even inteiligence have little to do with what gets printed out there… it’s all about SALES. Preying on women’s insecurities and men’s feeling of entitlement is what is producing SALES for this guy….

  68. spinsterette

    Sorry if that sounded harsh: I’m confused and despairing too 🙁

  69. spinsterette

    The momuntarily obnoxious H and Lynn have the same writing patterns — they wouldn’t be the same PR person, would they?

  70. Alex

    What?You put CC down for charging money for his book despite the fact that you are promioting your own book on this site and on amazon?

    Why dont you just give it away for free ha?

  71. Lia

    I’ve read CC’s e-book, as well watched 3 of his dvd programs. Are they far too expensive? Yes. Are they incredible helpful for women seeking to understand men? Most definitely.

    I think the conflict here is that some buyers of his programs go into with expectations that don’t match up with what he actually does. This program is NOT going to make you feel better about being single, and it is NOT going to make you feel like you have a firm understanding of human relationships.

    What it will do is tell you what men need from women. That’s the bottom line. If men truly need women who are less emotional (read: MORE emotionally balanced), then that is really beside the point. We can lament all day how weak and fragile and un-evolved men are. If you, as a woman, consciously choose not to meet the needs of the man you are with, then that’s fine for you. But, as with anything, you must deal with the repercussions of who you are and what you do. An the repercussions might in fact be singledom.

    As someone who has spent a good deal of money on his programs, I have never regretted it. What I HAVE regretted are the many times that I consciously choose not to use what I’ve learned from him in my relationships.

    And by the way, CC is NOT David DeAngelo. Where did you get that idea? They are 2 completely different people, though both are in the dating advice industry.

  72. CapeLinda

    He’s done his homework and has put together a great program. His CDs are excellent and he interviews knowledgeable people who respect women. I’ve found them extremely helpful and have just ended a wonderful year+ relationship and started another with a man that is an amazing match for me. Never would have had the confidence or drive to keep looking until I found someone I can truly and completely be myself with!

    I’m really happy I found Christian (no matter what his real name is) and that this work is available.

    I’m saving the CDs for my daughters when they are old enough to get value out of them.

    All u girls can spend time typing about how much he sucks, while I admire the two dozen long stem roses I got from my new great guy for my birthday.

    Good luck with that….

  73. Ash

    DeAngelo is a con artist who’s found a fascinating way to exploit people. He offers advice… to both sides. However, the vast majority of everything that he has ever written, no matter the sales pitch and context, was complete bullcrap (yes, I’ve read his work quite extensively, thank you).

    Of course, people will crawl out of the woodwork and say “Well, he has a few good ideas, they helped me…”. Yeah. Newsflash: those “good ideas” are general morale- and confidence-boosting tips and tricks you can find in any psychology book in your local library, without having your intelligence insulted, or paying 17 easy payments of 19.99.

  74. Giuseppe

    I’m a guy. I feel that the way men are decribed by Carter is sometimes very “middle american”, BUT most of the time I can also recognize what I feel deeply inside of me without acknowledging it. I mean at the deep primal level, not at the evolve and responsible level. I mean the part that create passion, not the part that creates a family.
    I have a good and loving relationship with my girlfriend. She’s all in love, caring and stuff (well almost, but noone’s perfect :p…). And she shows that she is 100% for me. Everything I dreamt of in my family dream… But surprisingly it doesn’t make me happy all alone… sometimes I strongly miss something exciting. I miss what made me felt love growing in love at the first place. I miss to chase her… or let’s say, what is included in the chase… what she did, etc.
    It makes me understand what happens in the mind of the guys who cheat… The chase seems better that the get… But I don’t want to do that. Never.
    I would like her to be living for herself more. I would like to be interested in what she’s passionate about. I don’t want her to be all over me mentally because she is unconfident and weak inside (she is).
    That’s what I sensed before I red the advice of Carter. Now I have words to put on it, and I think that he is right in all that way. Now I have the vision that I can work on my relationship to make it better than ever… to make it last for ever.
    Don’t take all his book/mailing-lists for granted. Just open your mind to new ideas to think about, then read it. Fit what he says to your own situation. Maybe you’re doing everything right already, maybe some of it and you’re missing one key. Just take what is good.

  75. D

    Hey can one of you gals send me a copy of this book/cds so i can see for myself? I really don’t have the money for this and am really curious to see if it’s all stuff i’ve already tried or not… believe you-me i have tried EVERYTHING, for 20 years too, and i’m still having trouble…i also feel it should be easy-to-share-info if it’s really going to help make the world a better place?

    If i had the dvds i’d put them up on utube if they were something good to share with women, as it seems like at the moment a lot of women are so keen to grow and learn and help make this place a better world, that we are spending a lot of money doing it and most of the stuff i have bought hasn’t really matched the sales pitch…but what about the guys…?

    Why do ebooks cost more, anyway? I thought the whole point of the net was so we could have cheaper info cus of the obvious manufacture/distribution issue…they should cost less! I just don’t get it…and you can’t flip thru them before you commit your cc number…? I have to print it up at home too.

    I wonder… cus the boys share info about software/music/games and info about chicks and toys without any concern…yet trying to find a lady friend with a copy of these document files/ ‘gems’ is like looking for solutions on period pains that actually work…i wonder if the high price makes em think negatively about the actual sharing of it…come on girls we gotta do the right thing here!


  76. sil

    I agree with some things…initially be detached emotionally for a few months but in a nice way and show him that you care but be unpredictable this somehow makes them crazy it’s weird but it works….good luck

  77. J

    I’m with D! Especially those of you who have read them and don’t like him, or don’t respect him, I’m hoping you wouldn’t have a problem sending the files. Let’s stick together on this– Perhaps there are some good nuggets in the thick of bullcrap, or perhaps not, but D and I would really love to find out for ourselves, and I for one can’t possibly buy this program right now. Anyone?? Thanks-

  78. B

    BAHAHA I love how the OP is totally getting “told.” That’s what you happens when u try to put down ppl who are competitors with you – u just make yourself look bad….

  79. Lynn

    So basically, men want a blow up doll??

  80. Faith

    I have been reading everything online…for free and I will say that Christian Carter hit the nail on the head with some of his information. It was like a light went off in my own head of how I have handled some of my prior relationships poorly. He is not encouraging women to forget how they were designed, he is helping women to recognize what is driving men away or why a relationship may not be working. If his suggestions seem too rigid for a woman to follow, then by all means, don’t do them. We women have to face that most men are NOT as emotional as we are. He’s not telling us to be a doormat, he’s trying to help. Because he is a savy business man (note…maybe his staff is more to blame for the “unsubscription” errors), and knows he can make money from this advice. I have not paid for anything, yet I am fortunate enough to have access to this information online and have appreciated how I have come to the realization that I do need to CHANGE some of my own behavior patterns. What is wrong with improving oneself? Do you think you are too old to learn? We can all learn.

    All these women know if they could market advice, they would. Because Christian Carter has done this and what he offers requires us to make some changes within ourselves, some women are wanting to bash him. Go ahead then, ignore it and stay lonely! I don’t plan on remaining that way.

    His advice is to have your own life and to not require a simple phone call from a man to determine that happiness. What is wrong with advice like that? Again, women coming across as knowing it all…that is why so many of you are still alone. It won’t kill you to make some positive changes within yourself. HIs advice can help you in all aspects, not just with men. Suck it up and just try it. It won’t cost a penny! Everyone can work on improving themselves.

  81. Pat Phelps

    Does anyone know a phone number I can call to get the interview CDs cancelled. I hate to tell you how long I’ve been receiving them and never never opening any. I’ve made cursory searches for a number but haven’t found any. One site had an email address, which I used, asking for cancellation information. No luck yet. I going to have to go into my bank (in another city) to cancel the payments. My life is just to hectic. I’ll never order anything else like this…and yes, I wasn’t observant enough when I ordered.

    • Liz

      I ordered the e-book, read parts of it, and put it away for awhile… now when I go to open it again, my code doesn’t work anymore!!

      Anybody know how to correct the problem? Or is there a way to contact SOMEONE who will tell me what’s going on here??

  82. Cathie

    Hello Guys,
    Well I too am glad to find this site…. But for me I have to say that this is another page in a great mystery! For starters why can’t I find any other site other than this one that is not filled with promo’s for Christian Carter’s material?
    yes it is indeed apparent from some of the post here that pr people are indeed on this site to promote the book and get rid of the ne sayers…. But honestly I want to know if anyone can summarizes what he says…. I have taken psychology and figure that it can’t be that deep… Yet still I find it interesting that I can get one site where his materail is truly talked about indept…. What is the deal? Maybe CC really is the devil! LOL

    • Buzzy

      I agree.

  83. yellowlizard

    if you just look at the way he formats the webpage to get you to buy his ebook- that should be a dead give away.

    he tells you that he has personal experience with it he says he just wants to help
    he has done long and hard research but if he helps one soul it would be worth it
    then he gives information that is crucial to know with page numbers!
    he says he will give a free trial if you order now specials and discounts that are highlighted
    usually the page is very long and you have to read alot

  84. mine kuradi munni

    I think that all the wonderful advice this guy gives every person who is a littel observant could learn of they actually WENT OUT and started HAVING A LIFE!
    I wonder why women trust this guy, where do they know that he really is this professional? Cause his advertisements don’t sound that professional, in fact the only thing he is somewhat good at is the fact that he knows how to manipulate someone into buying that crap.
    No matter how much you read this kind of stuff the world isn’t black and white, NO ONE CAN TEACH YOU TO BE YOURSELF if they don’t even know you.
    this Carter guy doesn’t tell you anything new or special, he deosn’t get you, he simply sas enough to make you feel like he KNOWS what you feel and yet if you look closely you’ll notice that he didn’t say a single thing that one didn’t know already.

  85. marymary

    I have been trying to unsubscribe now since November 2009. The links collapse, the e-mails bounce back and the phone is never answered – I live in the UK !! Some of the stuff I have read sort of makes sense. I also bought his e-book, but the code number to print it off doesnt work and the customer service link and numbers dont actually link to anything. My bank are now trying to stop payments that are being deducted up to three times a month (for WHAT ???) for the interview series – I remember it was supposed to be 19.99 per month, not various amounts over 23.97 several times a month! I feel I have been really ripped off and it is a complete con, otherwise you would be able to get through to someone.

  86. Karen

    I’m an intelligent, attractive, successful woman who read Carter’s e-book, and I don’t think there’s any part of it that says woman should act like robots or not ask for what they need. In fact, he says you should set the tone in a relationship right away, and if a man is not on board with you, to move on.

    The book was extremely helpful to me–not only was it key in repairing parts of my relationship that were going downhill fast, it also made me feel better about the woman I am.

    The book taught me not personalize everything, not to think that my man didn’t love me just because he wasn’t calling as often as I wanted, or spending all of his free time with me.

    It reminded me to cultivate my own life before the life I had with him, which ultimately made me more attractive and desirable to him, and made me a happier and more fulfilled person. A win-win situation as far as I’m concerned.

    I think Christian Carter is a sensible and insightful man with valuable information to share. I look at my relationship since I read the book, and would have to be crazy to think it wasn’t worth the $29.00.

  87. dan

    hey, to whoever said this:

    “i also found another name: adam armstrong in my search, and showed him to be pagan/deangelo. DD, CC, AA…”

    could you please demonstrate how you showed that, because as far as i can tell from my own googling, david d is eben pagan. thats it. not chris carter, not adam armstrong. none of them even look the same so………dont know where you’re getting your info….

    and if david deangelo DID have some dating advice series for women, chances are you’d all be here talking about how great it is, not bitching about it.

  88. MissMBA

    If David DeAngelo is Christian Carter, then what does he do….hire a model to pose as Christian Carter?? Their photos are not the same. Rori Raye and another chick name I forget with the initials Andrea Albright are clearly alternate pen names of Christian Carter — I’m guessing the women who pose as those people are paid to do so? So I guess the guy on my 6 Christian Carter DVD’s is just a paid model posing as someone he isn’t? This is just a slick marketing ploy. As an MBA grad, I can’t help but be impressed with the Christian Carter marketing methods (I have got the free emails for several years now)….he’s really good, I’ll give him that.

  89. Kimberly Watson

    I recently responded this to one of his “genius emails”: Dear Christian, This stuff is SUCH BS… You cannot change a man once he has made up his mind! And furthermore, if a man is emotionally “unavailable” then WHY would you want him?! He’s obviously too immature or has too many issues to see what is right in front of his face. And even if you DID get him after reading your BS, he IS what he IS PEOPLE DON’T CHANGE & in the end you REAP WHAT YOU SOW.

    What a racket you have going on here… praying on women who are either too stupid or too needy to realize the importance of self respect.

    What you SHOULD be saying is when you come across such a moron, you should RUN RUN RUN as fast as your feet will take you.

  90. Kimberly Watson

    And FURTHERMORE, what about what the MEN are doing wrong???? There are not nearly enough e-books or books geared toward MEN teaching them how to help make WOMEN happy! WHY?? probably because the majority of men simply do not care enough or are too macho to change or to read something like that. They do not believe that THEY are the problem. So what these books do is pray in the insecurities of women and how they should conform to a man’s standards… well, WHAT ABOUT US?? Just let me say, you can only tell a man/husband/boyfriend what it is that makes you happy and if he does not HEAR it or he does not DO IT (given it’s not an outrageous request).. THEN WHY STICK AROUND? If a man is not meeting your needs, then he’s a LOSER with issues. I have not read this book and I don’t CARE to read it because there is no SECRET to communication… if you are saying something and a man does not hear it and react, then obviously HE does not care about what makes you happy & WHY would you want to be with someone who does not care about your needs?? So I would communicate to him.. GET OUT OF MY LIFE so I can find someone who is mature enough to want to compromise & you know what… if I never find that, then I would RATHER spend my life alone than deal with that. I do all the things that his email speaks of, I have my own life, I have my own hobbies.. you can only put up with someone’s CRAP for so long & listen up ladies, if HE does not want to change, if HE does not want to make you happy because of HIS own issues, then you do not need that. Be confident, be happy, get some hobbies and be alone because you are better off than being with someone who 1. cannot commit or 2. has issues that you cannot fix… nor should you have to.

  91. d

    Actually, Carter’s idea of a “cool” girl sounds like the perfect Quirkalone woman.

    She’s not going to be the woman who the book was written for… someone desperate to be in a relationship at the cost of her sense of self… who’s in a hurry to get snagged up by a man. And we all know women who are not terribly “cool”. They fret over every date, analyze it to death, and always seem to be crying on the couch over some man. We all know women like this.

  92. pink flower

    I love your article, you should get medal,… Belive it or not… just before I read it, have posted on CC`s, or whatever his name is, my rcomment to his technicques, and it was very similar to yours…

    May be he wonders if it was the same woman writing it LOL 🙂

    We all need and want each other at times on a variety of levels, and the mutuality between 2 people is therefore called relationship… they balance each other on the swing of life 🙂

  93. JR

    Many women aren’t ready to work on their relationship. They feel the man is always wrong, the man is the problem, the man needs to change.

    So when Christian Carter comes along to talk about women empowering themselves and taking steps to become more attractive and repair their relationships, these women cry foul.

  94. Nora

    I only receive his emails and some ideas are very interesting. I even keep trying to remember some his advices as I (47 yo) want to understand my beloved man (55 yo) more. Actually my man is telling me that I should be independent, free, having my own life, busy all the time and not relaying on his financial support. He also told me many times he is very tired of women calling him crying help! when her car was repossessed, or landlord asked to leave an apartment, or she lost job, or she was sick etc etc.. Yes I love him to death but I do not think he is a grown up man who wants somebody close to him, so I am slowly pulling away but it is so bad feeling as he is a good person and I would love to spend the rest of my life with him… I tried to be like Carter tells with my man and surprisingly he likes me playing that role. The problem is – it is not me at all! I am soft, loving, funny, unpredictable, very intelligent so I want to be me! But I am sure any woman is very predictable in general as she wants to be with a man… <—– IS THIS WRONG?

  95. VENUS

    I found a lot of the comments posted to be true or contain some half truth. I also found this VERY AMUSING. How is it that women are somehow led to believe men don’t care about any of the issues that concern women, but in the end, women end up JUMPING THROUGH HOOPS to try and CATCH AND KEEP A MAN? This makes NO SENSE at all. xsso

  96. stillSingleFemale

    I subscribe to Christian Carter’s “newsletter.” I read it for laughs, and to confirm for myself what a scam the dating industry really is.

  97. HappyGroover

    Be happy and rejoice in being a woman…Love who you are and be true always to yourself. All else will follow…

    • Georgina

      There are no rule books for life, love, families we all have to be who we are, if you want advice listen to your gut instinct, its very rarely wrong because it is the essence of what makes each one of us unique, your own inner self. No one would even be on here, me included if we were still in the throws of blissful love, that time when you dont question, look for answers or listen to anything but your heart. Love just is, analysing is what makes it all go wrong, when it feels right you do it anyway. Dont believe in anyone but yourself because deep down if we are honest, and thats the hard part, we all know why things didnt work, they just werent meant to. If reading CC helps fantastic but in my opinion at some point we are all loved at the beginning for who we are in that moment in time. We all change and grow, sometimes letting go when your not ready is incredibly painful the more you try and hold it tightly the faster it slips away. No one has it all, if someone comes into your life and it feels right its because they were attracted to you! and it was mirrored. The heart will always rule the head, even armed with all the advice in the world when cupids arrow flies. … Its easy to follow a recipe but I can guarantee every single cake will taste and look different and we will all think next time I might add this, leave out that or ask why didnt it turn out the same this time, I followed it to the letter. There’s no price on love, advice doesnt alway come free, we are all vunerable at some point, we all get taken for a ride sometime in our lives, we hope we live and learn. Dont expect love or life to be fair and make sense, there are no answers no matter where you look its called life and no one has it all. Not one of us can help the way we are or wave magic wands. Love yourself how else will anyone love you.

  98. Elisabeth

    I sent a reply to CC knowing it would not get received, but I needed to write it out anyway,. Can we have a book about fixing men to accommodate women? Is there a manual that teaches men to find something in life other than sex? Let’s start with the simple stuff. If you are not going to call…don’t say you are going to call. This is why I am happy being a confimed bachalorette. Then there is the “nice guy” who calls for two weeks daily, later and later…until calls were coming at midnight. Two weeks later after he has stopped calling and I realized those awkared silences were supposed to be filled with phone sex. He didn’t get any, so he stopped calling.

  99. Raven

    Well ladies ( and gentlemen ) we have got some strong opinions here and i’ve read all of them , i understand some of u like his advise and some don’t , but to all of those that insult the women who buy and read this e-book etc, why the nastyness and insults to their intellegents ? Seems to me it’s not going to result in a favorable way of thinking towards you .

    • des

      Finding it hard to find your comment seriously credible when you can’t spell “intelligence”. Just saying…

    • biliana

      Thanks to Christian Carter i saw the real men inside out, Thanks Christian, now I’m a happy lesbian and looking at men as selfish pets, that you can casually play with and laugh at their shallow nature.

      • D

        That actually just made me laugh out loud 🙂

      • LINDAP

        To D and biliana…biliana’s post made me spit my green tea all over my keyboard! “Selfish pets!!!!!” Roflmfao!!!

        Hmmmmmm let me see…do I need another selfish pet in my life right now?

        Hilarious…thank you…made my day.

      • jean

        Who will produce next generation of polluting kids then ?

      • S

        “men are selfish”, “i treat them as subhuman, play with them and laugh at them”

        Can’t see the hypocrisy there?

        I’ve no doubt every man you’ve dated is selfish. The decent ones are all dating women that aren’t so messed up.

  100. Iggles

    It’s not just you. I read some article from Christian Carter’s site and I think he’s a jerk. I found it very condescending that he blamed women for all of the failure in the relationship.

    It was so one-sided: “If he withdrew from you then YOU drove him away!” Really? It couldn’t be that the guy thought things wouldn’t work out. I know I’ve lost interest in guys once I realized they didn’t have certain qualities I was looking for.

    For CC disciples I recommend the blog What Woman Never Hear:

    It’s free and Guy gives advice that empowers women to make better choices in love. He speaks of being more selective, and the feminine strengths inherent in all women that put us in the driver’s set. He does a great analysis of differences between women and men without resorting to: “You women are too needy!”


    Ok! Here is my take on this whole shebang. I agree with both the women on here as well as with david deAngelos other business i.e. catch him keep him by christian carter. Women you are not all at fault. I really mean this but here is that thing most of you women and I mean most have in my view this view of the world where there is a perfect guy, you need a guy to love you what everthing that you are even if this means that you have bad attitudes or careless ness and things like that that make guys who really want to have a great relationship run away because most men who are in good careers and have a great single life can’t stant to be with a girl who’s constanty skeeking attention and approval from a guy for everything if not most things she does. No I don’t mean to say that everything carter is saying is correct but he does make a point, I dont for intance think that woment shold act out this whole life. instead I think that we should figure out a way how to communicate everthing out with our partners more sincerly. The reason some good guys who may not necessarly be very attractive feel a kind of hatred for some attractive women is because you turn them down for no valid reason. And I’m not saying that all you women the same but you probably don’t even realise this when your doing it and it is what causes our society to be so bad. I thing girls should say to any guy that start to talk to them say hi and then ask them hey lets exchange contacts and alwsys keep a spare phone number ready to give out. Now. when I said communicate I really mean communicate about everything. For instanance when was the last thime you asked a man what he does a living and where would he like to be in the next few years and then tell him about what your doing in your life and how you could help him achieve some of his goals and he could help you acieve some of your goals. Then set out some activities that you could take part in together. I think women are too much focused on having that perfect guy who is going to show up and love them for everything. that is just not going to happen. expecially if he is in his right mind. lets face it none of us are perfect. Now I have been looking at David DeAngelos stuff as a man and I don’t follow him like a bibal but I think he does have some very valid poing to consider when it comes to dating and relationships with women for men. I think women should go out and take in all views from both persepectives. and then make a conclusion. Ofcurse Christian Carter must be playing some marketing technique that clearly works well on women but don’t just disqually whats been said..

    Now girls who are taking good care of themselves, physically, emotionally and spritually are the ones I think will do well in the 21st century where there is a shift of power with men and women. So what do i mean by that I mean don’t take crap from men and don’t gie them crap. Communicate things that your not happy with with no regret.

    Ok now you must be saying who is this guy. Well I have been doing my own study in this area of dating and relationship as a man and hence I think my views as a men might help make things a little more clear to everyones benefit.

    Anyway if your have any views on this id love to hear from you at

  102. Kristy

    I just wont christain carter to stop charging me for things that i dont have, ive been checking my bank statement every month and am being chraged 27 bucks per month for absolutly nothing! ive just insubscibed now so have to wait till next month to make sure that im not being charged again as there is conviently no phone number to call and speak to a representive about the charges to be stopped. Christian Caters Ebook, “Catch him and keep him” is a load of rubbish anyway, it’s just plain annoying, written by a man, (probebly a narccisist) about men, to get us wemon to yet again do what they want us to do! yeah right, how bout having a good look at yourselfs guys and mayby start to do stuff that makes us happy?, the sooner you learn that wemon are actually pretty simple in what we want the better!!

    • fearless

      women 😉

  103. Janna

    CC’s book has helped my sister maintain a good relationship with a man for the first time in her life. For years she had been telling me she just wants to be herself, doesn’t want to manipulate a man, etc. And for years her behavior had driven away men. Meanwhile, I have soaked up lots of relationship books, have UNDERSTOOD AND ACCEPTED THE FACT that men are different from women, instead of being bitter that men are not like women and insisting on treating them the same as I’d treat a woman friend. I’ve had some great relationships, have received 7 marriage proposals, and am happily married. I’ve always been my quirky, honest, intelligent, independent self… while at the same time understanding and accepting the fact that men are different. CC’s writing showed my sister what I couldn’t make clear, all these years. I’m so glad that my sister has love and happiness, thanks to this writer.

    Some of the women here know what I’m talking about. Other women here sound like my sister during all those years she was unhappily single.

    Whatever anyone wants to say about Catch Him and Keep Him, the book has helped women to have good relationships. Isn’t that the main thing?

    • Esther

      Whoa! 7 marriage proposals? What happened to the other 6? Player! 🙂

  104. Rob


    Take a look at David DeAngelo’s material. It is about “fixing men”. Whereas Christian Carter is about “fixing women”.

    But realistically, it’s not about “fixing” each other at all. It’s more about maturing and evolving ourselves as men and women, with the help of these characters’ expert advice.

    If men and women took responsibility for themselves, and for maturing, and learning about their insecurities and how to manage their emotions, just how different do you think the world would be? Far more productive, efficient, intelligent, and far less problematic.

  105. Tamara

    I’ve listened to a couple of CC’s programs and can’t say they’ve helped me in any way. I think his advice is mostly common sense and that he isn’t specific enough with his advice. However, I’ve not had any problems being charged for materials I have returned. I always use my American Express card, just in case.

  106. Mark

    I read “David Deangelo’s” emails for a few months. His real name is Eben Pagan, and he owns the company that created “Christian Carter” as well.

    I like DD’s material, but am not familiar w/ CC’s material. Basically, he says, “Don’t be a wussy.” This is good advice that I wish I had received before. I am now in a wonderful relationship, and his advice helped very much. Also things like have confidence, maintain eye contact, be funny and tease (he calls this “cocky and funny”).

    Where he doesn’t give advice is on how to go from being successful in getting dates and getting women interested to having a meaningful long-term relationship. In fact his material can be harmful because it encourages creating a type of mask. However, I am more myself than ever, just a funnier, more confident version. This allows me to take risks and be me, not who I think a woman wants me to be. And it’s working extremely well.

    • Hopeful

      This information that I have been receiving from the so called “Christian Carter” by email (for free) has been helpful to me as well. I have never really been in a relationship and have been looking for lots of advice and realize that the best advice about men, usually come from them. I realized, like Mark, that just being yourself and keeping things funny is key and really important, and i didn’t know that, and no one had told me. I know that lots of it is just common sense, but having it said can be useful. I think that the most beneficial thing that I have gotten from the emails, is him explaining to me a situation that I’m in, like this morning, I read an email that was exactly what I needed to hear, and I think that may be a reason why women buy into it, but just knowing that the situation that you’re in isn’t destined to fail, is reassuring.

  107. daniel

    hi sasha, i am a man, i have studied CC’s recommendations for women and i can tell they are pretty much crap. i first saw christian carter on a david deangelo program, and what he had to say there was pretty dead on. if you can find that material, check it out, the guest speakers are interesting (brent, zan, christian and others). the things he preaches in catch him and keep him or in some of the articles (the ten mistakes women make with men etc.) simply do not apply; he things about men that are just not true, at least in my case 🙂 that if you do this as a woman, the guy will think that and bla bla

  108. Jessica

    I recently downloaded CC’s ebook. I read thru it the first time very quickly to overview it. Then, after reading thru it slowly, one thing at a time, I was able to relate very well to the things he says. I found it to be a very helpful GUIDE. It does not tell me to change anything about who I am, what I like or what I want, in fact, it helps me to understand what the man is doing and thinking, and it also helps me know how to gain clearer insight into whether or not a particular man is actually the man that I want. So, I trustingly purchased his DVD set for Make It or Break It Moments, which I am watching repeatedly, because there is alot in there that I didn’t know, things that other women, (and I’ve known lots of women!) don’t know or ever knew, but wish they did! Christian comes across with sincerity of concern for women in his messages, and gives us insight that will keep us strong, happy, and in control for our own benefit.

  109. Shannon

    @topic: I totally agree that “Christian Carter” seems like he is completely full of shit. (I know it wasn’t phrased exactly in that way, but that is the general idea.)
    One of his essays is actually posted on the website, and now that I know it’s there and I know who he is I am strongly tempted to delete my account and affiliation with that particular dating site. I am completely disgusted with “Christian Carter” or whatever his real name is.
    I was sitting and reading his essay and at first I thought, “oh yeah, this guy sounds like he’s pretty smart and like he really knows what he’s talking about. I’m glad this essay was posted here.”
    Then, I abruptly noticed phrases like “your communication skills suck” and “bonehead moves” popping up. I don’t know how other women feel about that, but I personally found that really insulting.
    I was like, “Oh my God! Is he actually just dissing women in this essay?” Of course I knew he was though, so it was more of a rhetorical question.
    Aside from the fact that he an obvious misogynist, using phrases like “Your communication skills suck” is just extremely unprofessional writing, and makes the author sound like uneducated white trash.
    In any case, I automatically knew he was full of shit the minute I read that.
    The other thing that really obviously shows how ill-conceived “Christian Carter’s” ideas are is the fact that he characterizes all women as having “blue-green” personality type, and all men as having “orange” or possibly “orange-gold” personality type. (If you don’t understand what that means you can look up “true colors” and “true colors of personality” on google and hopefully you should be able to find information on this.)
    This is an obvious fallacy, since in reality there is obviously a very large variety in personality types among both men and women.
    in any case, the “irreconcilable differences” he talks about actually come from mixing a “blue-green” personality woman (cross between emotional and melancholic personality type) with an “orange” and/or “gold” personality type man. (extremely high energy type that is “playful” and wants to have fun, and makes impetuous, unplanned decisions.) Clearly, not all women have “blue” and/or “green” personality type. Only “blue” personality type is highly sensitive and emotional with high “emotional intelligence” an good intuition, and only “green” personality type thinks things to death. Likewise, not all men have the “orange/gold” mix that will result in impetuous behavior and risk taking, and that also results in having a mental block toward analyzing a situation or understanding emotional behavior. I think we all know that, obviously, there are men AND women who fall under all four color-personality types, and many who are mixes of even two or three of them.
    I fully admit that if you take a person (male OR female) who has “blue-green” personality and try to pair them another person who is “orange-gold”, (which is what Christian Carter is talking about) then yes, you WILL in fact probably have irreconcilable differences and the two people probably will not be able to have a lasting relationship. But I think it is critical for everyone to understand that these are not universal differences in men and women, but they result from the COLOR of our PERSONALITIES!
    So, ladies, for those of you that have read this crap and felt depressed by it: you need to realize that there is no real reason to feel depressed. You CAN find a partner that has the personality/color type that is highly compatible with your own. Don’t give up, and don’t get too discouraged. I know that finding a real relationship can be hard to do, but don’t listen to people like Christian Carter. Like I keep saying: He doesn’t know what he’s talking about!! He is just using tired old gender stereotypes, and this fundamentally makes him WRONG!

    • Susan

      I think you are right – I have several woman friends who find C. Carter’s stuff very offensive, but I have tried testing out what I’ve learned from his emails and eBook and it pans out. I finally managed to slow down and let things happen at the man’s pace for once…which isn’t my pace, I’ll be honest, but – for pete’s sake – do you want a relationship with a man who really attracts you, or not?? It’s not difficult to hook a man who is needy or has ulterior motives or a fistful of gnarly issues. But one who has a lot going for him, a lot to offer, is considerate and thoughtful and smart…that guy is not in a hurry or desperate in any way, and he’s going to take his time. I’ll be the first to say it is hard for me get out of the way and let the man lead, whether in dancing or in a relationship…that’s not my first natural impulse. But what I’ve discovered (and been told) is that you can’t put ideas in a guy’s head and have them stay there, like flower seeds in a garden. You are better off in both the short AND the long run to let him find and plant the darn seeds himself. That way they are firmly rooted and you can be sure he is really there for you and not just being “nice” for awhile. We women can moan and complain about men, like many of us have done for years….or we can realize they do not go about things the same way we do, and adjust accordingly. I’m too old now not to pay attention to the way things are, and I got tired of missing out…wake UP sister ladybugs!!

  110. Paul

    Ladies, listen to what he has to say. He is right on target. I am a guy who wishes more women knew this stuff. It might seem like manipulation, but eventually anything you practice over a long period of time becomes a habit. Breaking old habits (that aren’t getting you a man) and learning new ones is what his stuff is all about. In days past, men were masculine and women were sexy. Now men are wusses and women are too independent (instead of interdependent). My opinion is we have lost our male – female identities and now must resort to being retaught how to interact with the opposite sex so they want to stay around.

    Like Rob, I am a big supporter of David DeAngelo’s work and it has made a huge difference in my dating, work and personal life.

    • smallwonder

      First of all, being independent IS sexy, Any woman who has to dumb it down to make an insecure man feel needed or masculine will eventually regret it. Real men have emotions, can handle other’s emotions,

    • Alan

      Paul – there’s something critical you need to understand. That is, that this man’s one-size-fits-all approach misses the mark entirely (therefore, so does yours). While you context might work for you and even for some women, neither represents the majority of people and the majority of relationships.

      Most men will not end up with a lasting relationship with a woman who is as effectively detached as described. OK, so cool – that works for you – great.

      It’s sorta like the similar nonsense about men who are ‘in touch with their emotions’ even to the point of routinely crying with/to their women being desirable to them. Women by-in-large will turn away from a girly-man. Maybe that worked for Phil Donahue and Marlo Tomas, but they’re don’t represent the average.

      Again – there’s plenty of exceptions to the rule. But at the end of the day you have to understand the rule to understand the exception and where you fit.

      Christian Carter’s advice, taken out of the proper context, is poor and for the most part would only frustrate men and confuse women.

      Read the original ‘Venus and Mars’ book to get a better idea of the normative difference between the sexes.

  111. Rachel Romo

    I am interested to see if women gain an upper-hand at the romance game because of his writings. Does anyone remember “The Rules”? There are new fads that come along, but the theory, is similar through the decades. In my effort to ad to my elusiveness, already being young, cute, fun, I promptly ended a phone conversation with my Radio-DJ boyfriend within ten minutes of talking with him. He said later that, while our relationship was short-lived, when he was actually TRYING to talk to me, it would’ve helped if I was LISTENING. The fact that these kinds of literature feed into women’s insecurities is very probable. There are examples of; if you are doing something because someone is telling you that it will have the desired results; you, are only doing it, then, you are going against yourself. Men want us to be easy-going and watch a game or two with them-the way that we want them to be able to put up with-or at least be able to be in the same room with, watching a chick-flick, once-in-a-while. I REFUSE to be with a man, that will not respect boundaries, or disregards women’s feelings as a whole. The ones that don’t really want to be “caught” in a relationship probably won’t remain faithful, no matter how clever, beautiful (Tiger Wood’s wife-Elin), “together”, or unemotional that you remain. I am all for Love, but, I am more Pro-lower-the divorce rate. I’d rather be in a room with guys; high-fiving each other and talking about their uncomplicated banter, when a room of chatty women. One would make my eyes roll and the latter can turn my stomach in knots. I am about as much of a “pleaser” as a guy could want; but, I am not going to cheat myself out of a relationship with myself, if, I don’t have a complete partnership with that person. That’s just me.

  112. Rachel Romo

    I am interested to see if women gain an upper-hand at the romance game because of his writings. Does anyone remember “The Rules”? There are new fads that come along, but the theory, is similar through the decades. In my effort to ad to my elusiveness, already being young, cute, fun, I promptly ended a phone conversation with my Radio-DJ boyfriend within ten minutes of talking with him. He said later that, while our relationship was short-lived, when he was actually TRYING to talk to me, it would’ve helped if I was LISTENING. The fact that these kinds of literature feed into women’s insecurities is very probable. There are examples of; if you are doing something because someone is telling you that it will have the desired results; you, are only doing it, then, you are going against yourself. Men want us to be easy-going and watch a game or two with them-the way that we want them to be able to put up with-or at least be able to be in the same room with, watching a chick-flick, once-in-a-while. I REFUSE to be with a man, that will not respect boundaries, or disregards women’s feelings as a whole. The ones that don’t really want to be “caught” in a relationship probably won’t remain faithful, no matter how clever, beautiful (Tiger Wood’s wife-Elin), “together”, or unemotional that you remain. I am all for Love, but, I am more Pro-lower-the divorce rate. I’d rather be in a room with guys; high-fiving each other and talking about their uncomplicated banter, when a room of chatty women. One would make my eyes roll and the latter can turn my stomach in knots. Am I one of his examples of “cool girl”? I am about as much of a “pleaser” as a guy could want; but, I am not going to cheat myself out of a relationship with myself, if, I don’t have a complete partnership with that person. That’s just me.

  113. Penny

    Carter-DeAngelo-Pagan(?) (real name, really?) does make some generally useful points on some basic stuff that many women have never really appreciated or learned, whatever the cultural reasons are. But then, he has to go spoil that with his insults and repetitions about when women are “painfully unattractive,” as if he is so bold and insightful to say what others won’t say about women (when they don’t say it, actually, because it’s a Jr-high level of insight)., But the worst of Carter is his cheesy, relentless, scamming style that never delivers, and his total lack of insight into the fact that there might be different types of GOOD men, not just one type of good and one toxic immature type. If he could put ALL of the MEAT of his insights and tips into one book, it would be worth $30 or so -that’s a lot for a book – and that would show some respect for his audience. But in the end he is a cheesy scam artist with no real respect for women.

  114. Lola Remi

    1. David DeAngelo and Christian Carter are two different people.

    2. I purchased Christian’s book plus two of his DVDs and listened to some of his interviews. These products helped me understand male psychology. I am now in a wonderful relationship so yes, his stuff works, but you need to have an open mind and study the materials, not just read the ads and think you can figure it all out from that.

    Good luck to you.

  115. BBoom

    This debate about men vs women has been going in since times immemorial. Of course, there is no doubt that CC is out to make a buck. That is how he’s making his living. He is selling information just like the guy in your local convenience store is selling goods. That’s the way of free enterprise, right? Nevertheless, the fact that he is still charging after you subscribe is unconscionable. If after making a phone call to his support department the matter is not taken care of, then it is up to the affected party to put it a stop by simply telling her bank not to honor such charges or calling her credit card account managing company and do the same. This way, you take the power and control over the situation instead of leaving it up to him and his staff. Furthermore, this experience is not unique to CC’s venture. Unfortunately, too many online marketers are doing the same and it is up to us to prevent it. Nowadays, you can get a pre-paid Visa or Mastercard just about anywhere you do your regular grocery shopping and even at convenience stores in your neighborhood. It is a safer practice when purchasing on the Internet to refrain from using your regular credit card or checking account and just use those pre-paid ones! This way, since you are in charge of how much money you make available through it, you can control whether ventures like this one can keep on charging you. Just stop putting money in the pre-paid card and get a new one. Throw the affected one away.

    That said, as a woman in my midlife years or, better said, starting my silver years, I agree with most of what CC says in his book and tapes. The fact is that men have had that kind of mind frame towards relationships and women since Adam’s time. Our “sexual revolution” did not actually changed men as much as it did woman’s self-concept and self-confidence. It helped us define our own place in society and the world. However, most men remained the same and others decided to go along with the changes and be more “tolerant” of our new position in the world.

    Nevertheless, when it comes to relationships, intimate relationships (not just friends), it’s a totally different ball game. Most of the clashes between men and women occur because each perceives situations, events, and moments from a different perspective from each other. It has been scientifically proven that man’s brain is wired slightly different than woman’s. This has nothing to do with intelligence. It has to do with perceptions of their outward reality.

    It is true that one of the biggest mistakes we women make is to assume that our male partner perceives things the same way we do. The fact is that he doesn’t. He is perceiving the situation from his male perspective. Men do make the same mistake of assuming that we view things the way they do. Both sexes are at fault. Hence, communication skills are fundamental for a successful relationship. How are you to know his perception if he doesn’t communicate? On the same token, how is he to know yours if you don’t communicate clearly? If this were not the case, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus would not had become a smashing success as it did when first published! Now, I am sure that you realize how far Mars is from Venus, don’t you? Therefore, listening to a man tell you about men’s mind and dynamics is the smartest thing we can do as women to start bridging together a bridge that will connect Mars to Venus instead of just leaving the gap and go through our lives wondering how do we connect to Mars! Of course, men also should learn about women from other women and, some do actually seek out that knowledge. They are the successful ones in their relationships with women.

    In sum, it is all about recognizing that we are different species, so to speak, and doing our best to understand and learn from each other with an open mind, leaving all competitive tendencies where they belong and not in the relationship. CC is selling something of value, nothing new since fathers have been telling their daughters the same since the inception of human civilization. The problem is, some daughters just refuse to listen!

    • RJ

      It is such a shame that we as a society have gotten to the point that good old fashioned COMMON SENSE has become so under valued, not used, and just plain pass’e !!!!

  116. Versicherung

    Have you thought of adding some videos to your posts to keep the visitors more entertained? I just read through the entire article and it was quite good…thanks for the share

  117. Mandy

    Well, I too was just a few clicks away from purchasing when I decided to check him out and thank God I did. I have heard this repeated many times here and that just proves with confirmation of others that we DO have the right instincts. There was two guys for me. One very healthy and everything we say we want and the other very appealing but I knew something was wrong. I was caught in the middle. The second guy ran away from me (he moved when I hadn’t) and said many of those lines quoted in Carter’s material. I chased him out of my own securities. Carter’s stuff momentarily caused me to believe that there was MORE that I could DO to attract this guy to me. All the while the other man was securely waiting for me to make up my mind. I came back to my very first thought about the first guy which was “I don’t want this man”. Once I kept that first truth in front of me I became more aware of what a piece of you-know-what he was, and this STUFF that Carter is spewing is just feeding the Devil’s hold on people. Men withdraw and run away, not from us, but because of their own fears and issues. And you can tell Mr. Carter that there is not a real woman alive that is attracted to a coward. I want a man with the character that if I mess up alittle or cross the line just a little that he will stand there and deal with it. I have that now. The second man waited for me to figure it out and I couldn’t drive him away with a herd of horses. And he is a good good man. If I have anything to share from this it is that we already know the truth. If he runs, I’ll throw a few rocks at his butt and I won’t be taking him back. Men who run away are running from their fears. It is an ego thing and they are seeking comfort and a hiding place. Yes, they may commit to the next woman. And many times that is just to feed off of you a little bit more. He’ll use your energy to feed her insecurity. It is a sick very codependent relationship and it won’t last and it will be misery for them. And I know you might have the fear that “what if it works out for them?” It won’t. It never does. But, “What if?” It won’t. But, What If? “If it does work out for them it is an illusion. It is sick and unhealthy and nothing you would have been happy with.My dear friend told me along time ago, ” It takes a heck of a man to be better than no man at all.” I promise. Their world is upside down. And you don’t want a sick coward anyway. That goes so against WHO YOU ARE. Most of the time they are trying to prove to themselves that they can commit. “Commiting” is a good character trait but their motive is to prove something to themselves. They are trying to “save” themselves.It’s just a cover up. They commit for the wrong reason to the wrong person and its because they are living divorced from their hearts with what I call a Coward’s Shield. Their whole world is upside down because of their pride. Good men don’t run even if they are pushed alittle. Christian Carter is the Devils best tool.

    • michelle

      wow. i learned more from that rant than i have for a decade

  118. Mandy

    I have another comment to make about a comment Carter made. He said that trying to “convince” a man was controlling behavior on the part of the woman. Not necessarily. But just for the sake of argument, let’s give him that as a premise. What is wrong with controlling? So what if the woman tries to control alittle, that doesn’t mean that the guy should bolt and run like a scared puppy with his tail between his legs and peeing on himself. Let him stand there and face it. A controlling person doesn’t have to bother you. You certainly can handle it, if you are mature. Here is the truth behind his excuse. Those kind of men, men that think that way, want to be in control and any hint of anything that threatens that disturbs them. More of the truth. That if it isn’t their idea they fear that they are losing control of the situation. And that is EXACTLY what needs to happen. They need to let go and let God. Perhaps the woman that tried to convince him the most was the very best match for him. Maybe she knew something he didn’t. That is possible. But not with an egomaniac. Maybe God was working through her. Of course maybe not is also possible. But instead of running away, the more healthy thing to do would be to tell her, “I don’t like you working so hard to convince me of your point, but I will take a look at the logical argument you have and I’ll take what you are saying under advisement and I’ll let you know what I think when I have made a good decision for me. I may agree with you or I may disagree with you. You just have to accept my answer whatever it is after you know that I have heard you. You can not argue the same point with to me with the same facts over and over again, but if you have something new to tell me, I will listen to that as well and factor that into my decision. You have to be okay with me have a different perception than you do.” “Those sick guys bolt at the first HINT that someone might be messing with THEIR control and they just might be throwing the baby out with the bath water. Maybe that is why their relationships don’t work out and aren’t fulfilling. They are in one-sided relationships where they are in control at the expense of a true free partnership. If they knew who they were, they wouldn’t fear losing control. It’s something you have all the time. And they wouldn’t feel threatened if someone was acting controlling towards them. It would be like water running off a raincoat. These guys aren’t men, the are chickens made from the ego. They lose everything over fear. Basically, they are egomaniacs with inferiority complexes. And it’s their pride that keeps them there. I’m not compromising to accomodate their fear and dysfunctional behavior. Also, I don’t have to be the one to train them but I can tell them ONCE and let them take it from there. Mr. Carter, you can just send $29.95 to me now that I’ve given you the answer you have been struggling to find.

  119. Nashvegas

    Hate to say it but CC has a ton of valid points. I think much of his advice is stemming from things women do (w/out realizing it) that turn men off before the deeper emotional connection gets going.

    At that point- if you’re dealing w/ a mature man- intimacy and love take over a bit on the male end- squishing JUST enough of the natural superficial and ADD aesthetic preoccupation of the male mind. It’s still there (!) but you’ve broken through the male tendency toward easy hedonism enough to make a connection.

    Men are different than women psychologically. Women don’t seem to get this sometimes.

    If you’ve scared/turned him off before that point- sorry- probably game over.

    Oh- and it is a bit of a game. Even with real love. Things get cozy and a bit stale after ten + years w/ anybody. Anyone not willing to play a bit will be bored;)

    Married and monogamous for 8 years- it does take some effort or you’ll both be looking for greener/newer grass:)

  120. MariahB

    I seriously do not understand women who complain about Christian Carter’s ebook!
    He has VERY VERY useful tips, and they DO actually work because I can talk from experience.
    I’ve known him through another excellent writer who’s name is Mimi Tanner ( she’s is genuinely amazing, no scam, no long unnecessary posts, she keeps short and clean).
    I actually do not understand some women here who are being very feminist and are saying how he is ”full of crap” and is ”blaming women” No, thats not the point women, he is waking us up in a valid way.
    He’s also not telling us to change who we are but to ameliorate ourselves, YES that is the clear message.
    Ahh, anyway im so glad i read his emails and ebooks because they’ve been very helpful.

  121. John

    Marketing and fantasy really do make interesting reading. Knowing what is a “need” and what is a “want” is very simple, or is it? Anyone for ruby red shoes? At least we have the luxury of exploring both.

  122. ruth

    This is a letter I tried to send to Evan Marc Katz as well as to Christain Carter about their materials:
    Evan you have a way of sounding so compassionate and caring and understanding about when men disappear, but then you completely turn everything around to making it the woman’s fault that the man disappeared. First you say he would not have left you if he really loved you, if he really was the right man for you. Then you say if you did certain things he would not have left you. That puts it right back into the woman’s fault. That is particularly confusing when it seems as if all those things you say the woman should have done, she did!!! That is a very confusing message. It certainly does nothing good for our self esteem and leads us to doubting ourselves rather than helping us. It sounds very lopsided! Please… could you make it clear that it is not the woman’s fault when a man disappears!!! In fact, it is what he has CHOSEN to do for whatever reason. The fact that he CHOSE TO RUN AWAY INSTEAD OF BEING UP FRONT AND DISCUSSING WHATEVER IS MAKING HIM FEEL LIKE RUNNING IS ACTUALLY A SIGN OF EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY ON HIS PART. An emotionally mature man stands up and speaks, he doesn’t just disappear. The same goes for women. No one is perfect. Why does a woman have to do everything “perfectly” in order to keep a ma? That’s an impossible standard. We are not perfect human beings any more than men are perfect! When you disappeared from relationships, could it be that sometimes you disappeared because you were not emotionally mature enough to address the issues at hand??? Some people seem like very mature individuals in many ways, but then suddenly show the true state of their emotional maturity by disappearing and/or cheating. Evan, that is hugely DISRESPECTFUL and RUDE as well as IMMATURE, whether it comes from a man or a woman. Why don’t you call a spade a spade, and tell the truth here. The other person, man or woman, may have been the ideal partner in every way that counts, but may have made the one single error of not recognizing at the beginning, that the one who disappeared was the type who might disappear! And how to recognize that up front, that is our huge question!!! How to tell the difference between a really nice real person who will last… and someone who has every appearance of being a really nice person who will last… but doesn’t. What are those subtle signs of emotional immaturity that could lead to disappearing without real discussion or explanation in a person who has managed for a number of months or even years to appear to be emotionally mature??? Ruth

    • RJ

      AMEN SISTER!!!!!!!

    • Kayle

      It’s because he did it himself and is still blaming the women he left while lauding his wife who “just knew”. he think’s he’s doing the world of women a service by “just letting them know” how to keep an asshat like him in their lives. really. it’s right on his website.

      and because, regardless of his pseudo-pro-feminist gobbledegook, he knows D*MN well that women are more willing to change (be manipulated in pursuit of a goal) and are looking for answers, or he really is Just That Sexist that he believes that the answer is in fixing women instead of men, which is why he’s speaking to women instead of men.

    • Kayle

      oh and here’s a tip:

      most of the buster who disappear were either looking for salvation or somebody (else) emotionally unavailable and they found out you were normal healthy and available and expecting a commitment without needing to be put on a pedestal. I know. I have conducted the interviews. Those who were cheating usually suddenly got they’re **8 together and realized that the consequences apply to them and weren’t narcissistic enough to keep going or they realized they had other people in their lives who wouldn’t let them get away scott-free and it wasn’t worth the hassle.

  123. MariaM

    Got the ebook. His marketing techniques are not the best of practice, and he writes tons of words before he gets to the point, a bit exasperating. BUT my view is that he gives very sound advices, maybe not always with the best use of language or words, but he is definitely explaining how to understand differences, mastering an adult and positive communication style away from winging, criticism and defensiveness, as well as sound advices on why you should steer away from changing all your life to revolve around the man you have just met, or start to criticize his lifestyle further down the line. He gives very good advices on how to choose men more wisely and how to stop using stupid techniques like trying to be sexy or sexual, or pleasing him or getting into frenzic planning to show him how wonderful we are, thinking that’s the way to his heart. Now I have seen far too many girls, including me in the past, doing all this…now that he has made me think about different ways, it’s clear to me that if I was a man I would run a mile at such behavior. I am sure that many of you can see that if you go out with a man on a date nervous at the idea he is going to like you or not, leaves you in a very different place that taking a ‘chooser’ stance and go through the date with a ‘I am checking what you are made of’ stance. It has made a difference to me and I am wasting less time and I feel more confident. Now that’s a bargain for $29 as a much bigger bill with a therapist did not give me half of the insights.

  124. Jason

    I just want to clarify something. David DeAngelo is not the real name of Christian Carter. David DeAngelo is the real name of Eben Pagan and I’m familiar with his work and in my opinion it’s exceptional. From what I’ve been able to uncover, Christian Carter is or has been an affiliate of Eben’s. That’s neither here nor there as I can’t vouch for Christian but I can for Eben. Most of these people are just trying to help people because they genuinely care and hopefully make a living in the process. But given the above comments, Christian seems okay. Have a great day everyone.

    • RJ

      Baby, checks in the mail, it’s only a cold sore, I’ll respect you in the morning, condo’s are selling fast on Three Mile Island . . . it’s a seller’s dream, I won’t cum in your mouth, don’t worry about birth control I cannot get pregnant, no you don’t have to worry about a condom. . . do I look like someone that would have AIDS or herpes have you ever been told and believed any of the above? Just wondering since you believe “these people GENUINELY care and are trying to help people” . . . help seperate them from their money and genuinely care if the check/credit card funds clear the bank!!!!!

  125. Tana

    I did not purchase his ebook so I have no idea what he says in his book but from hearing the intro, I have to say that he’s right about most of the things he says. I’m 25 years old and I went out with 8 guys so far and it didn’t work out with any of them. I noticed that the 3 mistakes he mentions are mistakes that I have made. One of the guys I saw pointed out to me the same things. At the time, I thought he was a douche but after dating 8 guys I’m starting to see a pattern and I do think that Christian is right and very sincere in his video.

  126. Al

    The woman I’m dating asked me to glance at an email from Christian Carter.
    Having never heard of him, I gave it a read, only to be shocked by the sheer length of the friggin’ email. I mean, holy crap! Can a promotional email be any longer?!!!
    But, back to the point. While the promo email seems to hit every point of vulnerability (and, yes, women can be vulnerable 🙂 ), something struck me as rather strange.

    What woman ever needs to “catch” a guy? Isn’t the point of improving social skills is to be able to attract a guy? Or, if you’re a man, a woman?
    Why would you ever want to be classified as a predator? Someone who “catches guys”?

    Why not work on being the more attractive self, while improving your ability to ASK for what you want, in the way that is acceptable by the man?
    And, if the man is unwilling to listen to what it is you want, there are millions (literally) of amazing, caring men out there who’d be thrilled to be in your life!

    Still, after my initial shock, I searched a little more, and, found that Christian Carter is closely associated with David DeAngelo, an Internet dating author, who’s very well known in the male pickup community, who’s never been out in the field (real dating world).

    As a personal coach, it incredibly pains me to see first a myriad of men, and, now, women, being preyed on by the unscrupulous Internet “dating gurus”, same people who’d never been able to land a mate, or, put their ideas into practice, even if their life depended on it.

    And, my biggest problem with these “gurus”. All of their advice comes in a form of a written word.
    Generic, uncalibrated, “gypsy woman reading your palm”, “phone psychic predicting your future” crapola that is best left in the dark room that it was written in.

    Shaking my head in disgust,
    The Relationship Chef.

  127. Sweden

    I find these programs interesting and I like hearing the different approaches from each “expert,” and through this I have learned something. I had to come to terms with this myself years ago, and go into any program with the following in mind. I think what some of us need to realize here is that this information is not going to apply to 100% of men or women. Sure It has helped some people and for others it has done nothing. From both DD and CC, no matter how the material is presented, at the core the information is actually good general information. What we have to realize is that deeper into it, this information is very subjective to the individual’s tastes and personality. It would surprise many people how much of the population truly doesn’t understand what to do with the opposite sex. Those who use these programs should not be judged for merely trying to better themselves in the way they see fit.

    By the way, this is always addressed so let’s just get it out of the way because it’s not part of the issue here. Yes. That is my real name.

  128. Anna

    As to Christian Carter, there were some suggestions that I think would help building a better relationship IF the guy responds well. But he seemed to turn the blame back on women for everything.
    E.g. when he explains that non-committal, “emotionally unavailable” guys will not enter a proper relationship even after years of being with the same girl (still not being able to call them as their ‘lady,’ forever keeping to a dating basis, etc.) because they had had previous bad experience in problematic relationships with problematic women. Or because they heard of and seen non-working relationships on TV, from friends, etc.

    Well, even so, what is the reason why the aforementioned relationships did not work? Many root causes in the pot.

    I know it for a fact that Christian Carter partnered up also with a narcissism related website. That is how I found him.

    I recently read some of his materials (and many other materials on the net from victims and specialists, etc) after realizing that people with narcissistic tendencies started to hit on me. One of the major issues of such a person is blaming everything on the spouse/gf.

    So the above reasoning for finally blaming it all on women around the non-committal guy made me think…
    Vulnerable girls in a relationship with a narcissistic person will definitely be even more inclined to look for the mistakes in themselves in their desperate attempt to fix such relationships.

    He is also saying it in his book that the reason why he does not try to enlighten guys is because guys are not applying for such relationship/communication improvement courses. Women do, he says.

    There should be programs for all children/youngsters that encourages self-development at the emotional/relationship level.

    Well, as I got to know from the above convo, there are courses for some guys and some guys do apply. The objective is rather different though. And I find that approach horrendous. It is like engineering their own minds into a manipulative creature, losing their own identities. To me they do not seem humans any more. Just as they do not see women as humans.

    Recently I have heard about – but have had no actual insight – an NLP based course for guys about how to “build a better girlfriend.” This is also discussed by ‘pick-up-artists’:

    If CC is also affiliated with the PUA guys, I am inclined to draw a parallel between his teachings and this NLP stuff.

    Seems that they are drawing people with insecurities and relationship problems into various processes including overtly manipulative ones, all aiming to adjust/tame the girl to their needs without taking the more cumbersome but honest and respectful approach when both parties consciously and willingly work on adjusting their own behaviour and help their partner in adjusting theirs. Unfortunately, people with abusive tendencies also are educated to hide their ‘real’ nature more efficiently this way. Making it more difficult for a woman to realize what person she has gotten into a relationship with before it is too late.

    I cannot see how mutual respect exists in a relationship which is based on an NLP method the sixth step of which is “Give her a cookie – create an unstoppable propulsion system.”

    The only review by a woman that I could find:

    I am unsure if this comes form a trustworthy source. I also posted this here so other women are aware of this product.

    Do you happen to have any personal experience with/insight into this ‘Build a better girlfriend” stuff?

    I wish honest, ‘normal,’ intelligent guys would prevail instead of the identity-lost, manipulative, mass-produced predators the PUA crap seems to bear. Same goes for women, of course.

    • michelle

      excellent! i never got the male female stuff. as an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse [mother not father! ] i was just me. love is love. love is KIND,IT SEEKETH NOT IT’S OWN IT DOES NOT BOAST, IT BELIEVES, IT HOPES, IT NEVER FAILS. where is the gender difference i this?

      • Kayle

        Hallooo!!! idk?!!
        difficult in practice only, not in concept. Unless you are EXTREMELY HARD-HEADED.

        If you’re not doing the above or they’re not doing it to you, IT AIN’T LOVE. I’m terrified at the people who are confused about that and are still *setting the standard* for dating behavior. Freaky!

  129. Angie D.

    Oh my God! You hit the nail on the head. He’s made me ruin my love life because I tried to be this unemotional girl that kept all her feelings bottled up inside and then the guy I’m with doesn’t even recognize me anymore and runs away. Before finding Christian Carter, I used to speak my mind and I was my true authentic self. I didn’t care if it spooked the guy. And in turn he knew the real me. Thank you thank you thank you thank for posting this! Yes, Christian Carter makes is sound like the problem is ME (women)! Ugh! He disgusts me!

  130. Laura

    Thanks for all your awesome comments. You all just gave me a shot in the arm and made me not only not want to buy this jerk’s book, but realize how wonderful I am, with or without a man.
    Something just occurred to me: I am the one who ended the two most serious relationships in my life, so maybe men need to read about how to catch me and keep me. LOL

  131. cindy

    i joined and its been fantastic. the cds he sends you monthly are actually CDs that are interviews with various Professional Licenses male and female therapists. I am a PhD Level therapist and was surprised by the level of experience and Books many had written. I got several months more to pass the advice onto my clients. I wanted to Post a positive because if you havent actually ordered and listened to the Cds youre wrong. I also thought his ads for them were cheesy, and the actually arrival of these very insightful and up todate todos have really helped me. For instance, ” when you walk into a bar smile and look like the happiest person in the world. Who wants to approach a closed shy lady. I did that lasty night. Walked into a bar, smiled Big(felt awkward, yet did it. Sat on the end seat. Ordered a Beer and a Hogie. It was easy for the 2 male friends to talk to me because I seemed approachable. I usually talk way too much and loud and this is a male trait so men get over whelmed with Big mouths. So I caight myself when I started to motor mouth. It was so peaceful and friendly. Neigher guy was my type, yet it was ok. This guy suggestede you have a large pool of men you meet, just like last night and make it fun, and you be empowered to choose. HIs CDs helped me after my divorce. thanks guys xo

  132. RJ

    OMG! I got caught up in this”Catch him and keep him ” BS for the obvious reason most women probably do . . . some recent relationship has not worked out like we had hoped. I listened to Mr.Carter aka Pagan aka DeAngelo’s nouveau vomitus for a few minutes and : 1.Why is it always the woman’s fault? 2.What self respecting women wants a man that does not want her? 3. Can anyone say “Stepford Wives”? 4. Say you follow all his advice about being basically what I would consider shallow, insincere, and duplicitous nevertheless you do hook a man . . .when do you get to be yourself? And when human nature takes over and you revert to the real you, why would any intelligent man not feel tricked, confused, and duped? 5. I want a man to want me for who I am faults, eccentricities, and all… just like I will about him!! No one is perfect. . . man or woman! Plus perfect is sooo boring!!!! 6.He harps on and on about no woman should ever appear “needy”. Honey most men you meet today look like hungry dogs under a buffet table! So why is ok for them to have faults but not women? 7.Last but not least say you find a man and you follow all CHandKH bull and it works. . .do you as an intelligent woman really want a man that shallow, stupid and easily fooled? BUT if this rhetoric works for you and you are happy and satisfied with your relationship that you gain through these methods. . . MORE POWER TO YOU!! Live, Love, and Be Happy!

  133. maria

    I didn’t know some things about a man’s brain. I am always eager to learn new things, why not learn about the other half of the population? I take the advice liberally, use what I want and what appears relevant to my situation. I LOVE not being overly emotional and being so attached to outcomes. Why shouldn’t I? I am a 50 year old woman who doesn’t need to be married, partnered or have kids, so why not just take it as it comes and ease back on my expectations? That is one of CC’s best bits of advice: reduce unrealistic expectations and be more in the moment. Luckily, I am very intuitive and can read people pretty well. The audio cds keep me grounded in the NOW and not pressure myself or him into a timetable which I created in the first place. I am in a space now where I can trust myself to bail early if I meet someone who I can tell won’t be there for the long haul, that has always been my issue, hanging on too long to the wrong situation. Now I am being happily courted by a wonderful man to whom I grant ample space to allow both of us to conduct our affair maturely and without drama. Don’t forget to read about the 5 Love Languages, another great insight into how to communicate effectively with people.

  134. Dee

    Thanks so much for this site; it stopped me getting sucked in to the marketing whirlpool created by C. I just love reading about simple behavioural strategies that will influence in the direction of your goals and demystify a complex subject…. such as Men!!! 😉 I thought this might be helpful but decided not to buy. John Gottman from Seattle is the best researcher and author to help you understand what makes relationships work. He has written great books for the lay person. I was just trying to understand what went wrong after dating a lying, boundary-less love rat. All the positive behaviours and game plays in the world won’t get a sociopath to be crazy about you…they’re just plain crazy. 🙂 Good to hear lots of intelligent comments on the subject….. there is hope!!

  135. Angie

    Well after all the discouraging words of info about this book, Ill save my $29.00….sheesh!

  136. andrew

    Christian Carte and David DeAngelo are to different people, though they both work the same date scheme.David does it for men.

  137. SS

    Glad I found this blog. I’ve been feeling that what he wrote are just to manipulate some women that so far havent’ had luck with men. He wrote two to three paragraph to defend man’s weaknesses (to make up their mind, to grow up, to be gentlemen) — aka. wusses. I think it’s all comes back to our mindset, if you see the world is filled with these kind of men, you’ll meet them all the time, but when we consciously believe there are better men out there, the universe is giving the blessing. Women, please stop analyzing the situation, if it’sn’t working then it just is, bad timing etc. There are few things that make sense from Christian, but 90% I say it’s a crap, sorry!

  138. Heather

    I am finding Christian Carter’s information invaluable. I have purchased 4 of his programs, and every single thing I have heard him say shows me he has great respect for women. He demonstrates high integrity and professionalism, and has very valuable information to share with women which demystifies men, so we can deal with reality, rather than fantasy, or fiction.
    Christian is sharing information our culture needs. Look at the divorce rate. Our western culture knows very little about how to relate healthily, what men and women really need to connect well, at this time. In my opinion, the most direct way to true inner security, or a woman’s maturity, IS to take full responsibility for our feelings because projecting them out means we become frighteningly dependent on someone else for our happiness. Emotional projections are so often connected to a subconscious, i.e. old, rooted in the past, dynamic with a parent which has nothing to do with the man/person we are relating to in the present. I have seen it for myself, it’s not until I took a look at this stuff that that I became aware of my own limiting beliefs, and stopped making someone else the problem.
    The potential here, with learning about the various facets Christian addresses about relationships (that has not been taught to women in schools, or by our parents) is evolutionary. I will be eternally grateful to him (and Rori Raye) for their amazing clarity, and insights.
    I would recommend Christian’s work to any woman who wants to move forward with a more sound, and relevant knowledge base for life, to find greater self love, which can then be shared with confidence.

    • sari

      Hello ..I am totally with you in this .. Christian and Rori are fantastic.. i came across his information a about a month or 6 weeks ago ..

      i am amazed at women that cannot see that you can ONLY change yourself and your perception.
      you cannot make someone else into what you want

      his e book is incredibly helpful ..and i have used the information on a recent dating situation i have had in which i even mentioned to guy Emotional Literacy ..and he has taken it on ..and loved the expression . Emotional ownership is essential to ALL RELATIONSHIPS OF ANY KIND.
      I am still reading and learning ..and i have already improved my self esteem…and have had amazing results on Match…more than that i understand men better and i am enjoying accepting who and what they are ..and embracing where iam in it .
      I was able to say NO to being a “Familiar Friend” to a recent man i met , were are mutually very connected…but I am worth more ..and it’s not over yet !
      Life is an adventure and a challenge’s never too late to learn.. take what you need from this information ..nothing is absolute..
      I hope all of you who don’t get it ..and need some help …read and listen …Good luck
      Well Done Christan and Rori!!

  139. D

    Thank you Sasha for this article.. I was almost ready to get my wallet. However common sense was trying to kick in as said video was playing “ooh was that a buzz word?” “oh, is he playing on my insecurities?” “Are these really SECRETS?” “Is there really absolutely no chance of me being myself and finding a man that appreciates me?” Lead me to google Mr. Carter prior to purchase.. which brought me to you! Thank you for the slap of reality. My checkbook thanks you because of my procrastination tendencies.. “Oh, I’ll cancel that tomorrow.. next week… CRAP I just paid how much @#$%# for him to tell me that men like a challenge?”

  140. E

    Ladies, not every woman needs his advice, but believe it or not, some do. A lot do actually. Slander him all you want but NOTHING comes free in this world.

    It’s about your ATTITUDE! If you have a bad one, and I would say you do- than you won’t gain anything valuable from what he writes. Like someone said earlier, is it REALLY necessary to slander woman who buy his stuff? Doesn’t it come down to their personal opinion? Get angry all you want I guess, lets see who benefits here and who doesn’t.

  141. Francesca Aranda

    He almost suckered me too….in fact, for several days I thought about giving my credit card #…then I decided to google him, & read all these terrible reviews, and it kind of made me think…”really? Another scam from another man, who isn’t even using his real name…what a phony!” so glad I read your site.

  142. Susan

    If Christian Carter is David De Angelo and Eben Pagan then he is a young man that I met who is a marketer. He is not a relationship coach. He says what he says because it sells. What works in relationships is honesty, vulnerability and authenticity. Women do the choosing and the ending of relationships. It is up to the woman to decide what standards she holds. If a man doesn’t meet her standards, he doesn’t deserve to have her.

  143. James

    Wow, you guys are terrible! This is like listening to a bunch of middle aged women gossiping on their lunch break!

    The author of this post obviously didn’t research the man behind this book because his real name is not David Deangelo, it’s Eben Pagan and he is a brilliant teacher and businessman.

    I have purchased around $2000 worth of his business products, and learnt ALL of his methods, and I guarantee you, if you’ve been ripped off by buying a product of his, it’s an unfortunate case of his decision to try out a credit card processing company that is playing dodgy tricks or is just very incompetent.

    Eben is NEVER going to rip you off. In fact, I’ve requested refunds for his products the day before the guarantee limit ends and I’ve gotten full refunds. This is a person who CARES about his business reputation.

    If you were stuck with reoccurring payments, it’s the company he’s outsourced with which handles the payments, and yes it is HIS mistake for using them but I guarantee he will rectify the issue if you ask him to.

    If you think his marketing tactics are dodgy, you’re quite possibly dealing with someone else’s marketing tactics, not HIS. His products use affiliate systems to market them around the world. This means people around the world offer to do the marketing for him and take a commission on the sales. That means THEY wrote the marketing.

    This does not mean that Eben is free from all of it, he is also a brilliant marketer and uses many special phrasing techniques in his own marketing to get his message across, and I very strongly feel that you’re taking it the wrong way. His methods are not to deceive or to make you feel guilty, they’re to get his message across in the most effective way possible.

    To sum up what I’m saying. He is a decent guy who cares about his reputation and will not rip you off. He is also very smart and has a lot of accurate, and useful knowledge to share and I guarantee you will learn a lot from his material. But as with ANY online product, I do recommend trying before you buy… that means read the reviews, watch the video reviews, find snippets to read, make sure there’s a guarantee, and make sure you know what you’re signing up for. He wont rip you off, but the African scammers selling his product might so always go straight to the source when buying a product online.

  144. frndwhocares

    I think that book was written by his inner teenager (peter pan syndrome) and for teenagers!! So teens, read up! 😉

  145. morenaD

    if that is the kind of women a man is looking for then i wonder how any man is married because a women like that doesnt exist. All of this trying to please a man is ridiculous. Men want women just as much as women want men if not more.

  146. Kat

    wow! Very interesting comments! I, too, got sucked into CC’s “Relationship Turnaround”, not because I am looking for a man, but because I am married (going on 5 years) and I know our relationship has gone downhill in the past 3 years. I was hoping to hear a few tips to return it to the way it used to be….. because, surely it must be ME, and not my husband who needs to change. (N O T ! ! !) Let me just say there was not much information that I could use to help our marriage. And since my husband is not interested in changing anything or even hearing about relationships, I am all alone in this. I feel like I made a stupid mistake. Not about marrying my man, but about being charged monthly for CC’s load of crap.

  147. Teri

    While a few points in the book are valid, it is indeed poorly written and takes you in circles. There is a lot of suspense building and you are waiting for a profound statement to come – then he drops you. Same thing with the e-mails. A lot of buildup then – look at the book or CD program for more details. I have the book – where are the details? He should have included more real-life examples or stories of how “Harry met Sally” – as more proof that certain “techniques” work. The book Soulmate Secret by Arielle Ford is of much more help – and it applies to both men and women – or Men are From Mars Women are From Venus. Or bits and pieces from all of them……..CC is just to blah……..

  148. Lili

    Like we say here, in Argentina, it’s al bla, bla ,bla…and in the end , one way or another it is US women who have to make changes for YOU, men.C’mon!

  149. Kayle

    The words: Evan Marc Katz. Same crap, different wording.

    • Mac

      Omg! I’m such a dumbfuck. Thanks for this. These guys are building “empires” and they don’t give a fiddler’s fart about women. Thanks ladies….

      • susan

        sooo glad this is on here- thanks for taking the time to write this aritcle, I will fwd it to all the women I know and any and all boards I can add the link to! awesome!

    • Erin

      I agree. I wasted $ and time listening to Christian Carter blather on about really nothing. He is boring, talks in circles and could have said all he said in about 15 minutes. I hope men are not as emotionally vacant as he makes them out to be. He short-changes both sexes and I think he is speaking only for those men that really don’t want to or are too immature to be in a healthy relationship.

      • OptimisticChiq

        I back-read and found this comment, THANK YOU. The guy I was with was more or less up front with his emotions (both the good and bad), and I truly appreciated that as I was upfront myself. However, I’ll be honest here and say that I wish that we both handled tense situations better than allowing it to blow up in our faces.

  150. John


    Great post. It was refreshing to finally hear a woman come out and say what we all know. That a woman couldn’t possibly be burdened to examine her own behavior and how it accepts someone else. The narcissism overflowing in your drawn out posts makes me wonder if you’d ever consider improving yourself on any level. Let me guess. You were born perfect and any relationship problem is the other persons fault. Gotcha.

    So in all seriousness let me tell what you get instead. You get guys who read and adopt books on how to be “players” and get woman into bed using cute little mind games. Enjoy the club and remember, if anything ever makes you want to improve yourself, learn how to communicate in a new way, it’s probably a man trying to brainwash you.

    Enjoy weekends at the club.

    • SuzeeQ

      is there any reason why attack is your option of choice? sounds rather ungrounded and “emotional” lol Just a thought though..Life isnt about point scoring and barter for you love and support and alot of women are guilty of being or trying to be emotional manipulators. Im upset so I withhold, Im angry so I will blame. How about you are creating negative contacts in every moment and a healthy relationship needs positive ones. 20-1 infact. so if you want to wallow in the mysery you create by being an emotional manipulator and throwing guilt and blame and tantrums all the time instead of living the love you desire then go ahead. your freedom of choice and thats what makes life so precious. Love to all and growth and happiness to you also xxx

      • rachel

        I really like your comment. Makes perfect sense. 🙂

    • CJ

      Anyone who runs a business that charges people $240 per year for advice on dating had better have EXCELLENT advice on dating. A monthly trip to a decent psychologist will cost you the same amount in copays. E-mail is not likely to outperform psychotherapy.

      So many people have complained about overcharges and difficulty terminating the contract for this high-pressure overpriced ‘advice’, at the very least it seems obvious that the man is a scam artist.

      Most men shy away from the types of commitments that make a stable family a possibility. Men get power and aggression from testosterone. They are bigger and stronger so they climb to the top more quickly. They get paid more and also they do not have to give birth, so they can afford to play games where women (all else being equal) cannot.

      Christian’s book is just one more example of this same cycle of abuse — blame women for feeling insecure in a world where they have to work twice as hard to survive.

      In response, honestly in desperation, women have resorted to government subsidy to fill the role that men avoid. Social security was created to take care of widows left behind when men went off to kill each other. Welfare was created to take care of working-class families with no man who was willing (or able) to step forward and pay for his own offspring. Men have cooperated in losing their visitation during divorce by putting motherhood on a pedestal and worshiping the all-powerful breast, as if men were genetically incapable of nurturing their own offspring.

      It is funny how all the self-help advice lonely men get is the exact opposite of what women get. Open up. Show your softer, vulnerable side. Talk about your emotions. Cry once in a while. Concentrate on long-term stability, not spontaneity. It is okay to feel pain as well as joy. It is okay to commit.

      It is almost as if these pop psychology relationship books are all about gay relationships. To meet the woman of your dreams, be her pillow-talk confidante. To meet the man of your dreams, be his drinking buddy. This is just weird. Even gay relationships have problems. Ever hear of lesbian bed death? Save your money.

    • JB

      To John’s comment, Sept 7. Of course women want to improve themselves. Why else would they be interested in a book like this? The problem is that this book considers only the man’s viewpoint of what a perfect woman is. A woman must be perfect in every social situation, she must not care about what others think about her. If a man blows her off, she must look for something better to do and not be offended. In all reality, that’s how I try to act. But if a man treats me like that, I’m no longer interested. If he blows me off, he’s not worth my time. What women really need to hear is that they don’t need to chase after men. They do need to improve themselves as much as possible, but if those changes are so men will like them, as is the goal of the book, they’re not making lasting or helpful changes.

      Besides, after about 2 seconds on his page I realized it was a scheme. Anything that gives you so little information and asks for your CC# is playing you. If you fell for it, there’s other things you need to be worrying about., like how to not fall for bad sales pitches. Lots of men have them, too.

    • Holly

      John, you are a braying donkey.

      • Whing


  151. carlita

    think it’s great that people are using this site to talk about…. if there wasnt so much dysfunction and polarization in the gender specific language people use none of this would be necessary =)

  152. DW

    In a nutshell.

    Women you have to be the stronger one, and submissive, because we are little boys that have not grown up yet.

    • Lady T

      LOL… hey i hate to say it but thats true. We have to be big girls (somebodies momma) simply because men cant comprehend or choose not to comprehend because its not a part of their agendas.

  153. Katharina

    I am a little older than most of you and have a very simple recommendation. When you meet someone, be realistic about whom you are lookng at and who this person is. Don’t make him (or her) out to be the salvation of all your issues and dreams until proven otherwise. We all have issues and should find someone who is compatible with your issues. If you are sloppy and he is very neat, you are looking for trouble. If you have a dog and or cat and he does not like pets, you have a huge gap that can not be bridged. If you have kids and he does not want kids, you have an issue. If he likes to sit home and watch sports and you like to go out, you have an issue. If he puts you down, you have an issue. Just because they are alive and walking around, does not mean they are right for you. Take the rose colored glasses off and really ask yourself: what do I see…. then take it from there. If they have bad manners, you have a problem since, sooner or later, you will be the lucky recipient of them.

    • Merrikate

      Thanks, Katharina — as a woman in my 60’s, I can only agree with most of what you observe here. However, I feel very fortunate to have met a senior man who at least is willing to communicate with unusual candour and is willing to listen as we discuss differences that might corrupt our relationship-building. So far we are learning from each other, having already learned a LOT from nearly 5 decades of other relationships, good and not so good. Fingers crossed as we persist in getting acquainted with a base of friendship and honesty. Neither of us seems obsessed with “catching and keeping’ the other. Rather, we are learning to enjoy and nurture what is right here, right now. Still, I am glad to hear that my intuitive sense that Christian Carter’s glib self-assurance supports a money-making scheme seems to be accurate. He is such a talented marketer, using an avalanche of words in every email!

    • Lady T

      Great post!

  154. bet

    I’m glad i had the sense to find your comments I am feeling much better with all my baggage and more confident to gently look at myself and work through it with out being ripped OFF! thanks

  155. SuzeeQ

    Scepticism is a good thing. I have purchased some of this mans work and you know what its not mumbo jumbo. It actually works. I didnt change who I am I just altered the way I was communicating with my guy, I still said the same things, asked for the same care and attention, put forward m point of view, but because I now did it in a new way I had amazing results. Be sceptical if you dont want to grow. It obviously has worked so far for you :o) Have a lovely day. Q

    • queenmini

      Thanks for posting. It seems like most of the negative feedback about CC is from people who haven’t read his book or engaged in one of his programs. I’m trying to find a genuine appraisal from someone who has actually experienced it!

  156. MJ

    As a female, I think his perspective is interesting and should be used as reading material and not a bible, per-say. We live and we learn. Nothing wrong with exploring the views of a man and nothing wrong with him getting paid to share (his views that is).
    If you’re a strong, self loving woman (which for most takes time) you won’t meditate on his word and try to apply his material to every personal situation. But on the flip side you may just learn a thing or two.
    Bottom line is we’re all at our own personal stages in life and believe it or not ladies, men are human and capable of growth and change. But not every woman can do that for every man. Men & women both want and need love in the end.
    Christian Carter is not the devil, like it or not he’s clearly an intelligent man. Where’s his heart at? How would we know that….

    • JS

      FYI…it’s PER SE.

  157. Chloe

    Hi. I like your post. The worst part of this CC stuff is that thousands of people have been scammed out of their money: they don’t just buy his e-book once, they buy it once every month. A monthly payment keeps coming out of their accounts: do a consumer-complaints search, and you will see pretty quick that CC is a scam-artist. There must be something in the fine print that most of us wouldn’t notice.

    Sasha, I think you are a sensitive person and I appreciate your post. You made yourself vulnerable. The peeps who are attacking her: eeeek! She’s a reasonable person who wants to see both sides (doesn’t like sitting around saying all guys are dogs). The problem with CC’s “philosophy” IS that he puts the full blame on womens’ plates! I like MJ’s comment that, regarding CC, we shouldn’t “meditate on his word and try to apply his material to every personal situation. But on the flip side”, she says, “you may just learn a thing or two.” The problem is that his “word” is presented in a very high-panic style, URGING you to apply his material to every situation! It is designed to target vulnerable people… and to then make their credit-cards oh-so-vulnerable, as well.

  158. Noelle

    I, too, was a few clicks away from putting in my credit card, but his constant emails trying to get me to sign un up worked against him … I stopped and thought, let me just keep reading what he’s got … The more emails I got and read – I realized this is a good money making scheme – good for him – maybe it helps some people, but I found it shallow, I got the gist already – so no thanks…
    Your post was funny and right on – ladies, before you give this guy your hard earned dollars (or increase your credit card debt) …Sign up for a free promotional peak of the book, then hang back and keep reading the emails he sends you trying to get you to buy the book – after a while .. if you’re still into it, buy into it – otherwise, spend your money on a good movie and nice dinner with a male friend, pick his brain-:)

  159. The Crazy Canadian

    Thank you so much for your post. Excellent read and very informing. The guy really is the devil… I wouldn’t mind being HIS cool girl and being un-emotional about socking him right in the mouth. Yeah… that would match with one of his “same-sex” hockey buddies. While I giggle and walk away. “Same time next week Christian???” jk

    All the best.




  160. lyn peake

    I too thought about ordering this book – has anyone ordered through paypal to avoid any reccurring monthly charge?

  161. tgirl

    I actually borrowed his material, didn’t pay for it. I don’t see why he’s the devil at all, I think his material is quite helpful. I’m constantly learning to not take things so personally and if I’m happy in my own life I will attract the right person. Men and women are so different in so many ways and I appreciate the insights into how men think.

    I’m in the best relationship I’ve ever been in and I feel that CC’s materials have helped me to keep things in perspective. I usually obsess a lot in relationships and question where things are going. I don’t feel the need to do that so much now and I’m much more productive in my own life AND I’m finding that my romantic relationship is progressing at an easy and comfortable pace.

    As far as the blame goes, I don’t really see that CC is blaming women for anything. But if you keep attracting the wrong men, don’t you think it may be your own fault? I’ve attracted the wrong men for years and I have nobody else to blame but myself. I’ve been consistently working on it and my relationships have just continued to get better.

    CC is not just handing out advice out of the goodness of his heart, this is obviously to make money. Read the fine print and cancel your subscription if you don’t like it. Maybe I would feel differently if I had actually paid for something but I didn’t. All I know is that I’ve found it helpful.

    • paige

      How did you borrow

    • Maya

      Hi Tgirl, how did you borrow the material? I’ve looked but haven’t found it in any library.

  162. annie

    Bought the ebook – and opted out of the monthly charge. I learned from the book, and had a guy friend read it. He said it was pretty right on and said he was surprised women are as clueless as men. I appreciate here the thought that this is playing on insecurities. CC also talks about reaching self security on your own, for yourself. Seems like having the tools would support that security. I’ve not had the confidence to plunk down more money. Thinking maybe a group could do it together. Or that I’ll get enough from the constant emails. There are lots of thing I do to change.

  163. Eli

    This comment is coming from someone who hasn’t read this book, but only some parts of it. I actually was in a very tricky and complicated situation with my boyfriend, who would pursue me and then get all scared and withdrawn to the point that I would damp him, but then the circle would start again and again. Call me pathetic, but I was not keen on letting him go since I loved him and saw in him many qualities that are not easy to find. Bottom line, he was a great guy, but a commitment phoebe. I was frustrated out of my mind. So when I saw thins book, even though the title of it made me want to hide it and never admit to anyone it was mine, I never regretted that I spent those 29$. CC is not telling women to be unemotional robots, to manipulate guys or to trick and catch them in any way, and so one. He puts in perspective some points of male psychology that clash with some points of female psychology (cuz let’s face it, we are quite different) . He is talking about “working with nature instead of against it” And of course there are guys who are not like this at all, so this book is not for you, but there are so many who are, who might be great guys but due to being single forever, find it difficult to commit and need our help. Bottom line is, some of his advise (you have to sift it and take what works for you) was super helpful and made me adjust my behavior and reactions just a bit, and it made a huge changes in our relationship. I am not saying it’s some miracle and would work for every case, but we went to a different level after I took some of his advise and now we’ve been married and very happy for over a year, and almost 5 years together…

    • A

      Is there a possibilty you could give us a real life situation of what you changed and how it helped. It is all well and good reading the book and taking the advice in, but to be honest, until you can relate to the situation and see it’s results, I think all women will be a bit sceptical of CC…. It would be lovely to hear back from you.

  164. Eli

    And about the payment, I didn’t have any reoccurring monthly charges. I fact, there was an option to return the book after I read it and get the money back, but I liked it, and I don’t see why a person shouldn’t be paid for his work.

  165. marc

    Good grief.
    This guy skeeved me out just looking at him but then again I am a guy. I had hoped to read some pearl of useful tripe just in the ad and I kind of admired the, “I’m not a doctor or anything just a scruffy ‘hunk’ type and let me tell you what men want” because there is a one size fits all formula. I admire non-experts giving truths for certainly Opera is not on the air any more, well kind of.

    Yes it is difficult finding that person at the right time in your life when they are at the right time in their life and in the same area code or just happen to cross paths and no strategy is going to “land you” the right person man or woman. Unless of course you are looking for that man or woman who wants a formulaic life.

    I guess I should be say if it works for some one great, but I can’t say that.

  166. ryan

    Christian Carter is not David Deangelo. Please get your facts right. David Deangelo’s real name is Eben Pagan. He has multiple internet companies. Christian Carter is a major affiliate of Deangelo’s. He has his domains registered with him. Some simple research would have revealed this. There are even videos on you tube with Deangelo introducing Carter on stage. Both guys have been promoting the others products for the last five years. I don’t expect you to post this comment and don’t think you should either. Your article comes from a good place and your writing is excellent. I am just requesting that you edit it to remove this one mistake. Say what you like about Carter but Deangelo has made a huge difference in my life. Even though he uses a pseudo name his content is excellent. I am married now and have an excellent relationship with my wife. I owe a lot to Deangelo for helping me shake off my nerves and helping me to finally get off my butt and approach a woman

  167. Cherish

    We on the islands are more relaxed… Men do what they have to do and women do what we have to do. Women respect men ALOT and I mean ALOT!!! nothing could ever change the fact that when men are sitting, we bow when we pass by, when one seat is available, women should sit down and allow men to sit on the chair..Is that good?? I think it is!!?? Do I complain?? NO!!! Why?? Its basically because everything goes around in a circle… When men sees that a women truly respects him, then that just tells a men that the women ought to be respected. I asked my husband once, “What is the first impression you get when you see one of us, the women, wearing pants” (You see, wearing skirt on our islands is one sign of respect to our fellow brothers or men of the house or community). In reply, my husband said “When we see women wearing skirt, it automatically makes us want to RESPECT her..but if she doesn’t mind her attitude of dress, then she on the other hand is just telling us that she doesn’t want OUR respect… so you see….EVEN just WHAT we are speaks a lot to men.. Not even for Who but WHAT we much more for WHO we are…. No wonder why we don’t get the respect we deserve… so really… we want respect, we give respect to gain respect.. 🙂 It works both ways… I don’t only speak in terms of respect, but in terms of any quality characters that you seek in your relationship from the opposite sex….As a school teacher I rate myself on my students scores during test time. If majority of them fail, I ask the question…what and who is the problem?? Because when we really sit and ponder on that, its more likely that the answer will point back to us…. Did I teach good?? Did the students understood my teaching?? ….. You want love, show love to get love…you want respect….Respect first.. and he will respect you back…like a wise men once said “There never was an ” I ” in “We”…

    Aight…all the way from Yap.Island… Island of Stone Money… “Micronisan Island”… Federated Stated of Micronesia… Pacific Region… Asia Continent…

    Mogethin…… meaning “Hello”….

    Island life… swim in the ocean, sit under the coconut tree… enjoy the dancing… canoe voyage, where you see clearly all the stars and moon… And enjoy the island of paradise!!! 🙂


  168. Mona

    Thank you for posting this.

    I was researching this “Christian Carter” guy after seeing an advertisement for his product, looking through articles and reviews to see what the world had to say about what he had to offer.
    Each and every submissive and positive feedback towards his book made me want to die. Then, I ran into your article.
    Christian Carter is bringing attention to himself, YOU are bringing attention to the horrid ways women are made to think of themselves. And, again, I thank you for it.

    Not to mention, anyone who reads this will now be prepared to avoid this money scam.

    • Nancy

      Great feedback, Cherish & Mona ~ I find his frequent, no-cost, emails thought-provoking. I embrace the idea of looking within for self-evaluation through reflection and soul searching. I have no intention on ‘purchasing ‘ his material; however, by reading his emails, I realize I need to slow down, not take life so seriously, and discover my very own ‘Island Life’. I choose to continue receiving his emails, because they allow me to take a constructive look at myself ~

  169. crazyness

    So basically its the womans fault a relationship goes bad cause y’all know men are always right…or at least to this iditot they are!!

    women, iget your money back if you can. if you follow ANY of his advice, you are going to end up witha control freak.

    if the guy does not like you for you then move on, because there will be a guy that thinks you’re the most amazing woman on the planet!! even when you show your emotions!!

    christian carter is just a guy looking for money so he can use a million women. stop him by not giving him money!

    • Debbie

      The last man I was with tried telling me I was too needy because I wanted a relationship with my sex. My response to him was a man who expects a woman to have sex with him without having feelings for him is more than needy, he’s outright greedy and sick. Ladies, enough already with the self improvement. Take the focus off you and put it on him for a change. When you first met him was he sexually aggresive or did he take some time to get to know you before he made his move? Stop feeling guilty for sleeping with him too soon if HE was the one who put the moves on you. Stop feeling guilty for HIS mistakes.

      • Martine

        Thank you Debbie,
        I just had that with a guy, he was all aggressive and on me, giving me loads of attention not to mention texts and emails daily. But he decided he wanted a no feelings thing and I told him that was out of the question. He agreed to exclusivity but eventually fucked up because he “misunderstood” our terms…Boy did I give him a hard time for months to follow!! Not only did he loose an awesome alluring woman he lost a close friend. It was all HIS mistakes, and he should be feeling guilty about it (and if he don´t then freakin make him). That´s the way ladies.

  170. Justme

    Wow I was just getting ready to buy this book…I read a little bit and of course it makes sense, men and women are different SHOCKER! but now that I know there is a monthly fee!!!! Oh hell no! That’s that huge red flag or intuition that we are told to follow. Honestly, most of us who want to read this book are looking to not have a “repeat” but unfortunately some times your thinking too much about it possibly happening, you make it happen..I say be your self, love your self and just flow. If it’s meant to be it will be, if not so be it. But don’t be a crazy stalker chick..

  171. Katie

    He is a rip off. Basically, he is saying men want to date another men. In no way shape or form be who you are until you “Catch your Man”. If any woman is so desperate that she needs to pretend to be someone she isn’t in order to “catch” a guy she likes, she should first read a different self help book. What’s the point in pretending to get a guy in your life when eventually the realy you will come out and the relationship won’t last anyway. Steer clear, be yourself, if you have issues with confidence or self-esteem… buy a different book.

  172. Ding

    I am glad I found this… I had my c.card sitting here ready to order. I have been/am dating this guy and he threw out alot of vibes…then he spooked and backed off…thinking I did something wrong, I wanted to read this book. Ya know what? His loss if he doesn’t call back !

  173. Ding

    I am glad I found this… I had my c.card sitting here ready to order. I have been/am dating this guy and he threw out alot of vibes…then he spooked and backed off…thinking I did something wrong, I wanted to read this book. Ya know what? His loss if he doesn’t call back !

  174. Candice

    Why do people become so defensive when it is suggested that in order to improve an area of their life they must change their behavior? It’s called taking responsibility.
    I’ve read the book a couple of times and no it is not the bible. But it does give some simple insights to why men shut down when faced with certain female behaviors.
    He in no way suggests that women are to be blamed for anything. If you are at a point in your romantic life where you would seek out this book in the first place he offers ways for YOU the researcher to change.
    The reader has made the choice, so the reader must make the change. Where you hoping for a book that would teach you how to change someone else? If so, you may find it, but trust me that would be an exercise in manipulation and a true waste of your time and money.
    As a single woman, reading CC’s thoughts have helped me to calm down, stop being so personally offended by every little thing, and realize that men do have the same insecurities and emotions that we do. In short, it’s not just all about us and what we want and making sure a guy hangs on our every complaint to show he loves us.
    I like being a “cool girl”, mainly because it reminds me that sweating small stuff is a waste of my time. It also reminds me to keep my standards up. I don’t have to be an emotional basket case because a man doesn’t want what I want or behave how I think he should. Just communicate my needs calmly and constructively. I don’t see why that’s a bad thing.
    It’s an effective way to communicate with everyone in your life.
    It is the simple advice that is usually the most helpful, and maybe if we weren’t a society that was so quick to be offended when expected to make better choices this advice wouldn’t be so hard to take.
    Lastly, $29 for a change of outlook/a new thing to try, is not unreasonable. Everyone deserves to get paid for their work. And like most self-help gurus he thankfully researched a lot of other authors, compiled what he found useful and translated them for his audience. That’s what writers do. Btw, if you have been paying $19.97 a month you should also be receiving a monthly cd where he interviews other self-help gurus. Some with doctorates, some with helpful life experience, all credible and researchable. However, like with anything else, you have to take what you need and leave the rest.

    • Amen

      Thank you for posting this, Candice. I could not possibly agree with anything and everything you said more. The simple advice is definitely the best, and in order to gain anything from CC you have to be willing to look internally and make some changes.

  175. Quick

    I think you have to be objective. He’s not saying anything different than some men just aren’t that in you, they’re not into relationships period, etc….

    The same holds true for women…..they like to play the field, they like to keep their options open, they’re not into commitment which is responsibility – they’re into fun living in the moment…but it’s not going anywhere in the future.

    You have to be open to that concept…not everybody whats what you want, and not everybody defines it in the same way. That’s not rocket science.

    It’s what works for you – you define it, you live it, you pursue it…and the people that don’t share that perception aren’t wrong – they’re just not right for you.

  176. Jannine Shapiro

    yes, i am also very confused from reading Christian Carter, but unfortunately, he seems to be accurate- I believe that he is very seductive in pulling one into getting all of his seminars, but i do not agree that he keeps charging without permission-i have pruchased his ebook and he did not keep charging me monthly- i have also purchased his seminar on attraction and he did not keep charging me….i like to get many viewpoints on things and so , i try to take what i need and leave the rest…..i am still studying his seminar on attractton and have not yet put it to use-but i do see that he makes som every good points snd from experience in doing things the other ways, i was not successful, so what else can one do?it is always good to look into what one might be doing to sabotage oneself-i do think though that not all men want casual relationships ad women who are fun all the time-if all men wanted the same things, then most people would not get married-yet there are many men who want to marry women who don’t want it-it is true that we don[t want to bring about the Stepford wives nightmare—–it is good to have some ohter women to discuss this with……..I guess there are alot of women who, like me are very insecure and needy adnn we just will never find someone who can accept us-right -or maybe God really did make a lid for every pot-so even we needy, insecure women will find someone who loves us anyway-who knows!

  177. Tboogie

    LOVE the resposnse… and just like you Sasha, I too almost fell for it and as my fingers approached my lap top key board to type in my CC#, I took a second and stopped to think, “wait, if I do this they will never stop charching me”… It was truely tempting because it was phsycology (manipulation) and truly hipnotic!. It made me wonder if it was factual information because alot of what he asked were situations women go through daily. It made me think “hmm… I wonder if anyone realy read his book, and if so did it work?”. But then as I saw the credit card page, I woke right up…like “your kiding me?.. did just fall for that shit?” (lol). Its a shame that he does feed off of our insecurities and unanswered questions about men, in order to make his own living. I’m pretty sure every time someone actualy falls into the trap and enters thier CC#, he’s like “cha-ching stupid nieve idiots”. He’s probably laughing while he’s collecting checks. It’s cool, I’m so glad for this insight …I’ll be sure to pass it along. Everyone ..please don’t fall for the trap.”

  178. Catherine

    It all depends on what kind of ‘place’ you are in presently. How many times have i read something over and over and gotten something different from it each time. I don’t know about this guy or the book cause it just sounded fishy to me but opinions will differ as long as our individual situations differ. Basically if we can grow with helpful info, then so be it. If it’s stifling who we are as an individual then it’s not helping anyone. I used to believe in the Pollyana be positive type attitude until life jerked a few knots in me…….now i just believe in being real -istic and focusing on solution, but denying a really bad situation with forced ‘keeping positive’ will eventually blow up. If i don’t deal with my feelings they will sure as heck deal with me

  179. Tracy

    This is why google was invented, so we can look for the truth before doing something stupid – honestly, if a guy is that devoid of emotions, who wants him anyway!!!

  180. Brian

    The consistent theme I see running through this series of posts is that most of the women who have actually purchased and read CC’s work have good and positive things to say, whereas m

  181. Brian

    The consistent theme I see running through this series of posts is that most of the women who have actually purchased and read CC’s work have good and positive things to say, whereas most who haven’t read it have effectively turned this forum into an echo chamber of uninformed, negative feedback. Could it be that some of you are afraid to accept responsibility for your own situations and are relieved to find any excuse not to – even someone else’s unfounded opinion about a book they’ve never read? Being an effective marketer does not automatically make someone evil and requiring payment for one’s work does not automatically render the work a scam. None of us, man or woman, is perfect and all of us can benefit from a little self improvement now and then. Yes, we should all be ourselves and be loved for who we truly are. But there’s nothing wrong with striving to be your best self, and these two concepts are in no way mutually exclusive. We can sit around maligning each other’s sexes and get nowhere, or we can choose to make the effort to better understand and communicate with one another. I think both sides stand to benefit greatly from the latter approach.

  182. nancy

    I didn’t send any money; just read his ‘free advice”. I realized it was very calculating. He uses few verbs and gives no advice. I read his bilge for an hour and realized he said nothing, just enough to make you join. I’m glad I found out he uses a pen name. What a fake.

  183. Chelsea

    This guy either really understands women or is flippin clueless. He obviously knows how to manipulate women into giving him money by degrading them. But I wonder if he’s doing so hot in the relationship department himself… I mean good god! Would you date him??? I wouldn’t! If I found out my man had a website like this I’d be beyond embarrassed and ashamed.
    What I think is that he probably gets rejected by sooooo many women for being a horse’s ass and expecting them to change, instead of having the maturity of a real man to just accept who does and doesn’t float his boat, that he’s become a woman-hater.
    Something happened to this guy to give him enough of a deep rooted hatred for women that he made this extensive site as a channel for it. I almost feel bad for him… Almost.

  184. Sharon

    I had the opposite take on the newsletter than Nancy. I was actually surprised to find substance where I expected only sales pitch.

    I am copying out the “meat” into a notepad document each time. Buying anything is not an option for me since i am flat broke, but I really did find the newsletter informative.

    Think about this – don’t men act exactly opposite of how you would expect sometimes? I am in the beginning of a new relationship…I gave my new man some gifts….He backed off a little. Women wouldn’t back off…they would warm up! Why do men act crazy?

    Then I read the newsletter and got it! OOHHH! now I understand the “space” Christian talked about in the newsletter. The man wants to step up and gift too and do sweet things too…and be the magnanimous one sometimes. If I am always in that space, he can’t get in. If I want those sweet things I need to get out of the way!

    I also saw that sacrificing myself, and being overly attentive and doting on the man is actually saying that I don’t believe he will love me otherwise. It is an act of desperation isn’t it? Why should I sacrifice myself when it is this very “self” that I want him to love?

  185. Zoe

    Great article! Buut I kind of like the idea of being a “cool girl” , if that means being unpredictable, fun, emotionally balanced, without insecurities, easygoing, and independent. That seriously sounds like a good thing to shoot for, for my OWN sake. It seems to cut down stress To hell with doing it to “catch and keep” a man. I feel like all of those things come as a result of self acceptance & appreciation. Essentially the book only needs one page that says : Learn who YOU are and what you want, embrace it, be it, and don’t apologize for it. You’ll get the right one for you IF you want him. The End.

  186. Zoe

    Sadly, I am well aware of the poor grammar and punctuation in my other post. Ooohhh if I had an editing fairy…

  187. carolinacaren69

    The marketing in the newsletters is brilliant to capture a woman’s attention, who may be totally frustrated. As Einstein and Carter both say, why keep doing what doesn’t work…it’s insane!!
    So I tried it, along with Carter’s female cohort, Rori Raye. The male/female perspective makes a nice complement.
    I agree with Sharon’s take more than the woman quoted in the article. If you actually apply what he says, you will realize men are looking for us women to fill in the emotional gaps they haven’t learned how to tap into. So the programs tell you the worst mistakes you can make are: not expressing your emotions in hopes of not scaring him away, then letting it build up into an explosion of drama oozing out like hot noxious lava. Men hate drama.
    There….I just saved you $159!!

  188. Christine

    I have been married to the same man for 19 years. It is all true ladies! Men want you to be independent and fun to be around, even 19 years later. Not a downer and emotionally challenging. Suck it up and go talk to your girlfriend when you are emotional. Then when calm, come back and tell him in 3 minutes whats the problem and then drop it. Give him time to think, he will. He will so love you!!

  189. shelby

    I’m not big on self-help books or programs, bu I am big on honest introspection, self-improvement and taking responsibility for problems in your own life. Coupled with curiosity, that is what led me to this guy’s site to begin with.

    I too became suspicious by the implied ongoing costs of his program. I decided to google him to see if entering my credit info to access the ebook would turn into a nightmare, and here I am now… I think that’s the biggest problem with this program & the main factor that makes it a scam: it promises that you can stop it when you want & get quick & easy refunds, but apparently you cannot.

    The other issues I had (which I was quicker to TRY & overlook) were:

    1. In the teaser video & articles, most of the pointers begin with a premise that women all feel/think the same way. There are many views, desires & behaviors that he attributes to womankind that I don’t relate to. I’m sure I make some of those mistakes, but I also make some that are not “woman mistakes”. I make mistakes that are MY mistakes. This is why I think getting personal, one-on-one counseling can be a better investment (especially if canceling this guy’s charges to your account is THAT hard). I admit, I get turned off when programs like this paint all women in such stereotypical ways; I guess I see myself as more of an individual, not just a “typical woman”.

    2. The purporting of “secrets” which magically will change a whole relationship is always suspicious. Of course, these are always described as “simple”. This is because these secrets often amount to cliches or really basic common sense. In which case, you feel like you’re getting very little, if any, helpful advice, but you certainly are dishing out the money for it. It’s the kind of stuff you could read anywhere, for free. The few bits I read in the teaser articles gave me the distinct impression of that being the case with this program – it amounts to obvious & cliche advice. One tip was to not to talk badly about exes or men in general to a man you’re currently dating. Wow, thanks! I never would have thought of that on my own /sarcasm.

    3. The emphasis on singular moments blowing whole relationships & what you need to do to avoid those mistakes comes off like women need to be perfect or they are doomed to unhappy singleness. No matter how much a woman improves her communication & relationships skills, she will still not be perfect. Perfection does not exist, and every HUMAN, male or female, will have moments where they make mistakes & handle things in a less than ideal way. This does not mean they should be in fear of people abandoning them, of their relationships suddenly combusting in a split second because one less than perfect phrase was uttered. The program implies this is what will happen if a woman has one emotional moment or dares to voice any dissatisfaction with her relationship. It gives the impression that she must put up with a man’s insecurities & flaws, but she better not have any of her own. That is unfair. A balanced view which allows a woman to be HUMAN is what is needed. A relationship shouldn’t feel like a minefield one has to tiptoe around in. All the accommodating cannot be on one end either…. yet, this program gives the distinct impression that women must shoulder all the responsibility.

    Of course, creating the impression that a woman needs to be perfect will certainly keep the money flowing in, and this is why the program seeks to instill a fear over every little moment, making you feel as if you need to prepare to navigate these situations perfectly or else you’re doomed to be stuck in a “cycle”. A program that makes money off existing insecurities is bad enough, but when it seeks to create or deepen them, then I really see it as a manipulative scam.

    So in short, I will not be ordering this program or ebook. Thanks to this blog for sounding the siren on this scam.

  190. Bonnie

    Why are relationships with men so important? why don’t we as women want to learn how to be in better relationships with our families, friends, co-workers instead of worrying about a committed relationship with a man-let’s figure out why we would spend time and our hard-earned money learning about men only-why do we think it’s more important than other relationships we are in? this is part of our problem-and men know it! Be strong with or without a man-I believe we all want to be loved just as we are today-right now-forget all that crap about “secrets”-if there is a man in the world that is worth our time, love and affection-he will come to appreciate us and love us just how we are-men don’t want women to be like men-they want us to be women-emotions and all! If I am expected to be someone else to get a man-I’m fine being single! Of course I want to be better-but for myself-not for anyone else! Let’s live and learn-love each other for who we are-and what we become each day. May our lives be filled with all kinds of love!

  191. Ingrid

    Like any book on relationships it is not gospel. All people are different and as such not all advice/information can be used in all situations. Men have flaws, women have flaws – each unique to the individual. If we seek to follow a book we can disregard the uniqueness of our relationships. If a man will not talk about some issues then it may mean constant frustration for you if this is important to you, or you can accept this is the way he is. Just as you will do things that frustrate him. Conversation is the best way of rectifying issues in a relationship. Books give good insight into many aspects of how men and women think and communicate but when the rubber hits the road it is not up to a book it is up to the individuals in a relationship to make it work or decide to end it. We can change how we do things but it is hard to deny who we are and seek to change that to please another without compromising our sense of self.

  192. Judith

    It is quite amusing that this prat is selling tips on ‘how to get a long-term relationship with a man’, and the main complaint from his victims is that he won’t let them unsubscribe. ‘Don’t leave me darling, I so love your monthly remittances!!’

  193. Mary

    No doubt it’s easy to be unpredictable, fun, emotionally balanced, without insecurities, easygoing, and independent – – if men were spending their time worring about “how to catch and keep a woman” !!! While still remaining – – here we go – – UNPREDICTABLE (don’t try to sleep with us on the first date) FUN (have interests beyond your ego and your penis) EMOTIONALLY BALANCED (value inner attributes that remain after outward appearance fades) WITHOUT INSECURITIES (don’t be intimidated by our male friends) and INDEPENDENT (have a decent job so you’re able to pick up the tab)

  194. Chris

    Some one who read the book, please tell what are the 5 or 10 or even one secrets? I bought it, perused and returned it and got my money back.. Honestly I just wanted him to GET TO THE POINT! It was as if he “wrote” the book through voice activiation software; poorly formatted, endlessly obtuse. Some interesting hooks but come, one deliver the goods! Can someone tell me what are the concrete “new” insights/techniques here besides being a stable, independent, sefl assured woman?

  195. Heather

    The people who need to read this type of book get what they need to out of it. I don’t think his objective was to solve all of the problems/concerns of a long term relationship, but to introduce some “new ideas” to women who want to understand men and live up to their own potential. The concepts are very simple and are not a “magic solution.” If you don’t get it, then it isn’t for you. And, who can blame anyone for making a living especially if they have found and easy and enjoyable way to do it! How many books have you bought in your life that you didn’t like? It happens. You don’t have to like everything someone says and not liking or agreeing doesn’t make that person the devil. I think people should be able to take in information and decide what they think about it without becoming so emotionally involved with the information that they either worship it or hate it.

  196. Emii

    From just watching a small preview of him, he just goes on and on about what women do wrong and I actually wanted to see what it was about and subscribe just so he’d get to the freaking point. Then I realized how unconspicuously persistent he was, saying “If you just sign up below…” blah blah blah. Messing with women’s emotions to make a profit…hmm..maybe he is the devil. Haha

  197. Belinda

    Would someone be kind enough to email me some of his actual programs so I can decide what I think without having to pay? thanks in advance x

  198. jennifer

    HELP: i order one of his book and monthly subscriptions. I unsubscribed but it only asked me for my email and last name. how do i get it to not charge me like you said it will?????


    Yes! He should definately write about what MEN DO WRONG!!! ….. OH YEAH I BET HE PROBABLY NEVER CONSIDERED SUCH AN IDEA.



    • Holly

      Good luck finding Mr. Right if you think he should sell his organs. I highly recommend the book Radical Forgiveness!!! PS. De Angelo IS all she says IMHO.

    • A Man

      Christian Carter is the ultimate douche – but I’d have to admit that womens overly emotional and relationship analysis tendencies are just as annoying.

      The key to getting a man is to fix any shit you have going on and RELAX. Go read Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton and get yourself Holosync.

      Good luck.

  200. Wendy

    Thank you so much for writing this! I almost gave this idiot my credit card but I had that “gut feeling” something just wasn’t right about it. I decided to google him and found your article. He seriously has female issues to contend with in his own head. He wants women to believe we have so many emotional problems etc. and we alone are to blame for not having a fullfilling relationship. MANIPULATION BS at it’s best because he knows women want to be liked, loved and wanted. He is making a living using our own insecurities against us. What an A**hole!!

  201. piper

    I first heard of this guy through another Charlatan, named Rorie – honestly, I cannot even recall her last name, but, I was fool enough to pay for her CDs to “Get the Relationship you want”. Anyway, “Christian” , in his interview on the CD gave the advice that if a girl thumb wrestles or arm wrestles with a guy, that she will have him enthralled with her… I was just getting over someone, and I was ilke “what??” . It all seemed so weird. I grew up with brothers, and I know how to act around guys. Also, I have had several very good relationships, probably more than “Christian”. Seriously, these people are on the internet to take peoples money. Please everyone – BEWARE & DON’T FALL FOR IT! – even if you have broken heart or you are looking for your soul mate… These people are predatory and really greedy and disgusting. I just hate the thought of some good hearted person taking stock in this barrel of monkeys!

    • sam

      i like your outlook.
      I heard Maurice Sendak say in an interview that he thinks that woman are infinitely more complicated than men. this is interesting to me because he is also gay. Both sexes seem mystified by the other. Both sexes seem to be plagued with preditary an manipulative members. I think it’s important to remember that we should not in the name of superiority, generalize about the villainous intentions of man or woman and that we should talk to our friend of both sexes, especially those who are not hateful

  202. mary89

    Thanks for the post. Something about the look of the author told me to stay away. My sense is when a man can cry like a woman they are fully human and when a woman give up their need for emotional-physical survival on man and develop their own sense of whole self from inner spiritual work there can be relationship at the soul mate level that all women and men are seeking. Emotional awareness is a must in any communication. Healing ones’s own wounds and filling up emotional holes is a work each need to do on her own. Then magic happens! Love you all.

    • Tina

      This is exactly true. My first instinct of him left me calling him all names such as how dare he. Blaming women for everything. Nobody is faultless in a relationship gone wrong. I felt he wasn’t being fair. But he sucked me in all the same and i almost bought his ebook. I felt really sad actually after just having fallen in love and leaving a guy for Australia for a years travel to find myself and better myself. He didn’t want to commit and left me very confused after 9 mths of seeing each other. I couldn’t ask him to wait, it was for him to offer. He is the closest the right one i have found but after being gone for only a week he’s hooked up with someone else. But men aren’t needy apparently!!!!!
      I know i have got a lot of work to do on myself hence why i left a country i was familiar with to do it. But this guy certainly knows how to make a woman feel rubbish. The key to life is to learn as you live through experiences which is what i have done with many mistakes and sure to make many more. My time will come soon and if it doesn’t i have found an inner strength within my work and i can always get another dog!!! Hahaha
      Good luck girls and ladies keep strong keep smiling and love will find us all. And we’ll be thinking what on earth was i thinking nearly buying that book 😉

    • Debbi

      I couldn’t have said it any better myself!! What an awesome and very true comment, thanks!

  203. Kathleen Trice Jenkins

    I’m glad to you wrote this review because I was curious! The moment I realize you had to pull out the credit card, it was going to be ending up as a scam.

  204. Margaret

    I am another one of the lucky ones. I was having fun researching Christmas Carols to update the my book when I saw some fun quizzes. I found out that I am a wizard at kissing and flirting! Then I saw that lure: How to keep your man. Although I am married, I am not in a relationship! My husband has rediscovered his love and passion for his first wife and asked me for a divorce. I said sure. We are great roommates now but the circumstances made me open to the idea Christian Carter was offering.

    After reading this article I knew that I had avoided yet another scam!!! Thank you for taking the time not only to express yourself but to do so after researching the data! Great Job!

  205. Marcus

    Dot listen to these bitter, angry moronic women on this site. The fact that quirkyalone is researching relationship advice online should give you the clue that she is not quirkyalone, but angry alone! Men and Women have fundamental differences that if you ignore or choose to write off you will remain alone. Instead of creating cute buzz-words for your particular state of loneliness, admit that you have been hurt like everyone else and have to deal with it in your own way. Some choose to have a positive outlook and be daring and try new things. Others make blog pages to lure boring, lame, negative, overweight, selfish people into their emotional quagmire. If you spent half as much time improving yourselves as you do posting anonymously for no one to read, you would be happy whether there was a man in your life or not.

    • Dori

      @Marcus- you are obviously one of those bitter guys who hate it when a real woman comes into your realm. You want a Barbie doll who doesn’t think for herself and giggles @ your tastless jokes. I for one am a REAL woman. I am NOT one of the overweight, boring ugly woman you desrcibe. I am actually being constantly told I am beautiful, and without tooting my own horn can say I am freakin’ HOT. Yet, still have a difficult time weeding out the playa types (more so because I am pretty and attract a lot of men). No, I agree with the original post. Men are predetory. They like to play games and are afraid to grow up and commit to being in a relationship with a real woman with real thoughts and real emotions.

      • holly

        Dori, can you really say you’re hot without tooting your own horn? I disagree, men will commit, but only to a woman they’re really into!

    • Jen

      “Boring, lame, negative, overweight, selfish people”. Well Marcus, I’m overweight. Thanks for the insult. I don’t get enough of them. I was researching reviews for Christian’s book because I’ve read enough self-help books to know that some are awesome and others don’t say anything at all. I’m not concerned with what he charges but if he has something useful to say, I would like to read it. I don’t think this makes me lame. I think it makes me open to a man’s point of view. I’m not looking to “snag” a man with the book. I’m actually studying to become a relationship therapist and like to read things like this. What I find interesting about your post is the way you describe the women who post their opinions on this site – or I bet, any other. You listed boring, lame, negative and selfish which are personality traits of the women on this page and then threw in overweight, which is a physical trait. I guess we disgust you too. Well let me tell you what disgusts me. Men like you, who totally discount interesting, fun, intelligent women like myself, because of our pant’s size. It’s men who write comments like yours that send women off the emotional end and into the pages of books like “catch him and keep him” because it’s too hard to accept that someone won’t love us simply because we like Ben and Jerry’s. Of course, attraction is important. But so is respect. Not just respect for your partner, but respect for the common person in general. You don’t seem to have that or else you would have realized this isn’t a page filled with angry, man bashing women. Oh sure, there are a couple, but you run into man and woman bashing people everywhere. No no, this page is filled with valuable, worthwhile women just looking for some advice. But you didn’t see that did you. (not a question) No no, you zoned in on the one crazy in the bunch and proceeded to mount your podium and start preaching to the masses. Well I read what you had to say. And I zoned in on the one word that seemed most telling in your entire little speech. It’s telling because you listed it with personality flaws. Yup, very telling. Marcus, you’re an idiot and an asshole. I mean, why are you reading or posting on this page anyway?? And Dori? You didn’t help woman-kind by validating your response to him with the assurance that you are “freaking hot”. Really? You think that’s the way to get yourself taken seriously?
      “Well I’m not fat or ugly so I’ll just speak for everyone because you’ll listen to me.” I’m not deluded enough to think that either one of you will probably ever read this response but my points still stand. Ladies, there is some validity to the idea that a man might want a relationship with someone who has their act together. I mean, don’t you want a relationship with someone who has their act together? Independence, an easy-going attitude, confidence – these are all attractive traits. And I don’t know about you but I don’t really want to date an emotional wasteland. Being emotionally in control of yourself doesn’t make you cold or a robot. It doesn’t mean you won’t have bad days or emotionally devastating experiences. It just means you aren’t a manic personality with highs and lows as unpredictable as a roller-coaster.
      And honestly, who amongst us really wants a relationship that is more work and less fun than we can have alone? I’m not saying go buy the book. Actually I’m saying save your money if this is the kind of advice this guy is doling out. Because it’s basic common sense. Be a complete person, unto yourself (fat or thin) and enjoy your life before you start searching for a relationship. Make sure you are searching for a mate and not an answer to your longings. There, $29.95’s worth of advice contained in a free to read blog and response. Enjoy!

      • angie

        Very well said.

      • angie

        To Jen, Very well said. Where do we send our $29.95?

    • Jennie

      I hope this comment is a joke and that there is not a real person behind the thinking.

  206. Kristina

    First thing I did when I watched the video was look at his ring finger. I noticed he wasn’t married. How can you trust relationship advice from someone who is not married? Especially at his age? My guess is that the’s never been married… Kind of like taking dieting advice from someone who is obese…

    One minor correction to the blog post though, David Dangelo’s real name is Eban Pagan, not Christian Carter.

    • Naomi

      so agree – first thing I looked for was a ring also!!

    • Jen

      Ha! That was the first thing I noticed too.

  207. Sunny

    BRAVO!!! To all my women friends/sisters, who are awakening to the fact that this NO LONGER a patriarchy, and that all the old BS we’ve been taught about males being dominant, superior, etc., etc., etc., is just that……so much BS.

    How dare this man assume that we just *cannot* possibly live without a man in our lives? What utter hogwash.

    Christian Carter or whatever the heck your name is, you need to wake up and smell the coffee. We are ALL equal in Creator’s eyes, and neither man is superior to women, nor women superior to men.

  208. Kea

    If you read all the way down at the bottom (fine print) of the emails he sends out it states that everything he says is “opinion not professional advice” and that everything he says is “to be used for entertainment purposes” REALLY…so he isn’t actually offering advice…just the opportunity to be entertained. What a crock.

    Here’s the disclaimer on the emails (copied and pasted):

    By reading this, you agree
    to all of the following: You understand this to
    be an expression of opinions and not professional
    advice. It is only to be used for personal
    entertainment purposes. You are solely responsible
    for the use of any of the content and hold Catch
    Him Inc. and all members and affiliates harmless
    in any event or claim.

  209. Rizwan M

    Hi Sasha,

    A few simple questions to answer the product in question…

    Are you in a relationship right now?

    If no, then perhaps trying out what he says is a ‘different’ approach to getting into a relationship.

    If yes then are you unconsciously doing any of the things that he says?

    If No then you should share your secret with the rest of the world like he is doing.

    If yes then…. Respect to Christian Carter.



    • liz

      it is niave people like yourself,sweetheart.that make people such as christian carter profit.
      if you believe the BS that is portrayed in his work,this is your choice.however,if you have to pay to be told about how overly emotional you are,then it is sad there are women like you,that seem to be so insecure and unable to hold a relationship themselves.:/

  210. olivia

    many men project their own neediness for female companionship onto the woman, fearing their own intimacy needs.
    Women have much more power over men, and we don’t ned to say the exact right thing or do something specifically for strategy to engage in a mature relationship.
    People usually seek people of likemindedness; needy, or less emotional, openminded, or closed
    What this guy doesn’t get is women aren’t as desperate to have a man in their life as he assumes.
    And, if one has to take an acting course to get one, then what he is really teaching is how to be a fake unauthentic person. Like himself, perhaps.

    • shelby


    • shelby

      yes! spot on!

  211. Sarah

    I love how the two people who like this man are men. Thank you Sasha for posting this well written expose. Keep on representing those who are happy and single!

  212. Leanna

    wow.i have a happy relationship right now,without all the critical advice.
    every woman is capable of holding down a relationship! and not needed to be told otherwise,just be yourself,and find a man who loves you for you,
    if you cant do that on your own without having an extra monthly cost for BS advice,then your obviously not dating the right men,sometimes no one is to blame,you are just not compatible with one another.
    also,just as in any relationship,you are not going to be happy ALL the time.the more relaxed and comfortable you are yourself,the happier you and your partner will be.

    *No man is worth your tears,and the one who is would never make you cry*

    • Tina

      Where’s the like button 🙂 x

  213. Kell

    Hi all,
    I’m not a fan nor detractor of Christian Carter, just doing a Google search on that aforementioned ubiquitous newsletter. FYI, I looked up his video and the David DeAngelo fellow, and they are not actually the same person.
    Wishing love and happiness in whatever form you find it,

    • reiah

      Hi Kell,
      In the world of advertising, the supposed photo of the author “Christian Carter” could be just marketing and not the true author.
      I have no evidence or done any research on whether these two names are indeed the same person, I’m just stating that whatever is found by googling and videos on youtube, should not be taken as truth or fact.
      My two cents.

  214. Casey

    Thank you for this. I’m 18 and I almost fell for it… glad I googled it. 🙂

  215. Kym

    Truth is… there are many men out there who would fit Carters stereo type and love to meet the robot woman that he prescribes. They are lazy self centered bastards that I would rather not date anyway.

    Its no rocket science that we should all take some responsibility for our emotions and get our lives together. Hetro home, man, woman in all shapes and sizes.

  216. Carolyn

    God, I got so frustrated and pissed off that I actually sent him, or his dominions, an email. Will they contact me within 2 business days? Probably not. I won’t be waiting for a response. Not that it hasn’t all been said, but I had to say it again:

    “Thank you, Mr. DeAngelo, for teaching me that it’s really my fault I’m alone. Now I can quit therapy and become an alcoholic shut-in because I’ll never get rid of all this baggage; and what man would ever want me? Or I’ll just date chicks.
    I bet you’re single. I think you have severe issues with women. Or is this just a profitable way to train some poor babe to be the robot you’ve always wanted? Oh, David, you just went from handsome to ugly in 60 seconds. Have a nice day.

    Carolyn C. (future lesbian)

    P.S. Do not send me any spam or add me to any list or I will report you to the ICCC.”

    Thanks for this posting. I haven’t been this fired up about anything since the last time I got dumped. My ex probably read “Catch Him and Keep Him” and decided to move on. Just another reason to hate “Christian Carter”.

  217. N

    I love all of the contraversy your post has created.
    I am happily married with brood to the kindest man in the world – but I must say Christian was right in his basic opinion of what my dear man would run away from.
    It did take about 8 years for him to come to terms with my “emotionalism”. He could never seem to let me go but was too scared to really keep me.
    He had always found non-emotional women cold, but was scared of a woman with strong emotions,. He knew he wanted a kind woman but struggled with knowing that to have the caring heart he was looking for meant she was possibly over-emotional for him in her own needs. I guess it just took time for him to get himself ready to be open & real (age 50!), and possible that’s why Christian is still single too, it can take some men a long time to be ready…
    Be yourself say no when you need to protect yourself & it will be what it is meant to be, one way or another.

  218. Wendy

    ……….. thanks for your info on this man. I thought about subscribing but based on past experience I am always regretful when I subscribe to something like this out of curiosity. This man capitalizing on the fact that our society manufactures this belief that women are not okay the way they are is criminal. That we must change our basic nature to get a man………….that we must give up ourselves.

  219. Emma

    You took the words right out of my mouth….. Couldn’t believe you wrote this and not me !!! lol

  220. chris

    Carter, alias David DeAngelo is a former PUA (Pick-Up Artist) who makes much of his money selling advice to men for how to pick up women. If you want more insight into his way of looking at things, you should check these things out.

    Some of his advice is really common sense- for example, that men who make self-deprecating remarks and display weak social status cues will not be successful, and those who try too hard end up looking desperate.

    The real truth for men and women alike is that people who are comfortable with themselves, who are outgoing, friendly and assertive, will have no problem meeting a lover or mate- guys are each wired differently from each other. I have never stopped pursuing a woman just because we had sex on the first date: my marriage of 13 years started that way, and my last girlfriend slept with me an hour after meeting me and stuck around for three years until we agreed we didn’t have enough in common to continue. I say, “go all the way if you want to”, but be kind and respectful or you might just end up another PUA, Pick-Up Artists are basically the jerks putting gigolos and call-girls out of business.

    If you want to keep your man, communicate openly and respect his identity as a man, as a human, and as a mammal, don’t put up with abuse of any kind, avoid name-calling and adopt a zero-tolerance policy for it in your home, show him frequent affection, and negotiate your shared needs and desires. Find out what each of your social connections are. Above all, if you like him, you should trust him, as he should be able to trust you, and you should give each other time to be around other people. And guess what: assertive women often get their man, no matter what these ‘gurus’ say, as long as they do it in a spirit of adventure. So, save your money, build yourself up to be the kind of person YOU would go out with, then go find your mate and save $$ on bullshit advice clowns like this dispense.

    • chris

      Actually, Although Carter and DeAngelo are part of the same firm, I couldn’t find evidence to show Carter IS DeAngelo. Either way, DeAngelo’s firm is a scheme to acquire $ from the lonely and shy.

      If you expect to pay money to learn how to meet someone, you aren’t doing your homework. David Burn’s book, “Intimate Connections”, gives good free evidence-based advice.

  221. Sue

    Thank you for writing this. The comment section of this article is also priceless!

  222. Ni

    It did intrigue me, and I gave in. The comment about him wanting to transform women into the robots that he (and most of his male peers) would want, definitely crossed my mind as I was reading. I must admit though, there was SOME good in the bad. I dont agree with the extreme he is telling women to go to, but I do think it does offer some good insight into how men think, which is something I believe women should try to understand if they want to avoid certain conflicts. I believe men should do the same, but unfortunately most dont care to understand women, or even if explained, dont get it ;). Of course, my current situation compelled me to look into the material, and it actually helped me to understand where my man was coming from. I do think it is important to see boths sides of every situation, and you can’t do that unless you *understand* how the other person’s head is working. Compromise is the key,not one person completely changing themselves…but he does actually *kind of* try to say that. I think there are DEFINITELY better written books on the psych of men, but the ads brought to my attention that it is something to look into! I can’t testify as to his overcharges, or refunds, but I can imagine it isn’t as ”
    risk free” as it appears. just be careful about scams.

  223. Katie

    This comes four years after you first wrote your assessment of Christian Carter and his “rules” of the game for women, but I just happened to stumble on his site (at of all places), at which I was appalled. From there I searched the internet hoping to find someone else who could confirm my suspicions that Carter (or DeAngelo, whichever he prefers) is truly and utterly the most magnificent pig to ever take advantage of women. I wish I could encourage all those women out there who have been suckered into believing who they are is not worth fighting for by a man, but instead must become something entirely unrealistic to achieve love. Oh the lies a desperate woman will ingest. It’s like the “Grease” message all over again. Sandy shouldn’t have to change for Danny! I guarantee all guys do not think like this. Women are wonderful because of their emotions, not in spite of them, and everyone (guys included) come with some form of insecurity and baggage (some men more than women in my experience). No one is perfect, no one is a robot. We can’t all be blond goddesses with perky breasts and a size 0 waist completely vapid in thought and expression. No. Those women are the “beautiful” people we put on pedestals and who have become the ideal to Christian Carter. In essence he is everything that is wrong with our culture all wrapped up into one big douche (pardon my language). If you are reading this and you have ever doubted your beauty or personality as I have, listen. You are lovely, in all your complexity as a person and as a women. Never sell yourself for something that isn’t real. Who you are is priceless.

  224. Elle

    I find it interesting that these people (scammers) can scam so easily. Good thing everyone posting here was intuitive enough to do a little research. I’ve gotta admit, at fist, when watching his video clip, he had my attention. Probably because he is so good looking – but, by the end of his spiel … NOT SO MUCH! LoL 😀 I, too saw his “ad” on and it made me wonder what their standards for advertising are; obviously not very high. As for the girl who said “a lot of what he says is true” – well, just like any good scammer – you gotta speak 80% truth to get people to listen…it’s the 20% BS that’ll ruin ya! Quirkyalone – GOOD JOB!

  225. Liz

    wow..I am so glad I read your comments and my hunches about this Con merchant ,,
    Insecurity and vulnerability is hell when we are there.
    and heaven for the Con.
    Hey BTW I will give you better advise for free.
    Look at yourself in the mirror and love who you are and what is wonderful about you and the not so..because its who you are..and if you have things you do not like and can then do it if you wish..but its for you not for some one else…even if they may benefit …Visualise the man whom you want how he would act, how he would treat you ..and so on.. But make him real..including his imperfections and bad habits..Just know he is out there waiting to meet a real woman also…and smile as you go out into your day .knowing he is going to be dang lucky when he meets you..meanwhile enjoy what other things you have in your life that make you happy…

  226. Dee

    Christian Carter seems to know so much about sixteen year old girls that it makes me wonder if he doesn’t have a vagina of his own. I am pretty sure all he needs to do to feel better is take a nice warm bubble bath and to play with his vagina. Works for me.

    Please tell me how to change so I can have an honest and meaningful relationship….

    This guy defines all that is douche.

  227. Toddzilla

    So if Christian Carter is truly David DeAngelo, then he knows what he is talking about. David has written numerous books, blogs, and conducts self help seminars for men to help them find their true identity and take control of their relationships with women.

    Credit card drama aside, what you are getting from David is experience and results. you can distill his advice into bitter-closed-minded-woman-speak all you want, but if you get a hold of your emotions and focus on the positive, men will throw themselves at you. Men don’t want relationships because of the baggage women throw at them. It’s actually worth their time to hit the bars, clubs, libraries, etc and put work in on multiple women BECAUSE of their allergies to female drama. Let this sink in a bit: men would rather do more work with more women than deal with female emotional malfunctions.

    Feminine drama is Kryptonite to men. Seriously, you can blame them all you want, but they do not want your baggage.

    So what if he doesn’t have a ring on his finger? He isn’t giving marriage advice, he is giving relationship advice. He is the Michael Jordan of dating.

    David isn’t about patronizing you or coddling your insecurities, he is about reality and building confidence. You can hate him all you want, but you can’t deny that he is 95% right.

  228. MRC

    I’m reading christian carter’s free article which are sent through email. I started reading it 3 years ago because I was hopeless before. Lots of boyfriends and heartaches and no luck.

    It may seem pointless sometimes since the women have to do all the “work” so the relationship will work. But after reading many articles written by him and applying it, i was overwhelmed. I met a guy 3 years ago and try to apply what I learned from the article and our relationship has been wonderful until now. I’m not saying that you should pay or buy christian carters’ book but just read the relationship advices from him and be open minded about it. Your love life will be more easier. Christian is not a fraud but his advice is not for everyone. This is the only way I can thank him.

  229. Sea Serpent

    I subscribe to Christian Carter’s newsletter. I read it for laughs.

  230. MLPC

    I’m kind of surprised at the venom on this site. It’s kind of a no-brainer that you shouldn’t buy his books. Any time you get a newsletter from someone that culminates each and every time with a pitch to buy a program to learn “the rest of the tricks” a red flag should go up. Having said that, I agree with MRC. A friend of mine (who said right off the bat, “Don’t bother buying the books,”) sent me the link as I was going through a difficult break up after a four year relationship with a guy who was “sweet” but who I came to painfully realize was definitely not “the one.” I ended up with Mr. Sweet largely because I’d had such a string of horrible relationships throughout my 20s that going with a guy who was obviously safe was what my heart needed. After breaking things off I started reading Christian Carter’s newsletters (and laughing at the pitches to buy his books), and lo and behold I met the man of my dreams who fell head over heels for me, and for whom I fell head over heels, and we are now very happily married. Yes, seriously. I paid attention to what the newsletters said, applied the tips, and bingo, happily married – which, I will add, was not even my goal, I just wanted to make sure I didn’t fall into another string of bad relationships. It really was that simple.

    I’ll even go further than that! Right before I met my husband I went on a couple of dates with a really great guy with whom I clicked on many levels, but who had just gone through a nasty break-up. I was ready to date. He wasn’t. He strung me along for about a month. I really liked him and really wanted the relationship to progress past just coffee and necking. In my 20s, I totally would have pursued him to the ends of the earth, hounded him with text messages, and just generally made myself appear so needy (even though I had several other men interested in me at the time) that I never would have heard from him again, I’m quite sure. Because I was reading the newsletters I had the wherewithal to straight up say to him, look, I like you, but I’m not going to send you texts or emails anymore. When you want to have coffee, you let me know. And then I stopped sending him emails and texts.

    Afterwards, instead of sitting by the phone (which the newsletters said not to do), I went on with my life. Met a couple of more guys, and then BAM! There was my husband. And shortly after we started dating, the guy I’d moved on from actually called me for coffee, because I’d backed off and given him space, AS THE NEWSLETTERS SAID TO DO. Sadly for him I wasn’t waiting by the phone, which was also the advice of the newsletters.

    I realize some women probably don’t want to acknowledge that they are doing ANYTHING wrong when it comes to dating and men, but quite frankly I watch girlfriend after girlfriend stumble into the trap of attaching too quickly to a man, which overwhelms him and makes him pull away, so they try to tighten their grip, which makes him pull away more, which makes them become borderline crazy stalker women, which makes them run. I, for one, saw absolutely nothing in the newsletters that made it seem like, “You have to be a robot woman who never expresses any emotions.” Rather, it seemed to me to be framed in such a way as to say, “You have to understand that men don’t think the way you do, and when you ask him what he’s thinking and he says ‘nothing,’ it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to talk, he’s LITERALLY not thinking anything, and if you continue pressing him he will find it annoying and he will cease to see you as ‘fun’.” Keep in mind that these newsletters are written with the idea of helping a woman FIND a relationship. They’re not saying once you HAVE the relationship you should never express a single emotion, just that we can’t ascribe female thoughts to the male mind when we are in the early stages of getting to know someone.

    I found the newsletters to be an extremely useful peek into how men think in those crucial first weeks and months. Perhaps the author of this post (and many of the folks commenting) aren’t really ready for relationship advice yet, and aren’t willing to admit they might have something to learn. By the way, I’m an alpha female, so I’m certainly no shrinking violet – I was just willing to listen to a man’s perspective on relationships. Seriously, I never would have met my husband if I hadn’t.

    As for the books, OBVIOUSLY don’t buy them.

    • Diane

      MLPC, I read all the comments without feeling prompted to respond, but when I got to yours, I was impressed by your level-headedness and willingness to try the advice that was offered and prove for yourself whether it was good or not. My life experience and reading have caused me to agree with the principles you learned and applied. They almost seem like common sense…but it seems that “common sense” in relationships does have to be learned. I haven’t read any of Christian’s newsletters, but I’ve read similar advice elsewhere, and it rings true. I have four brothers and one sister, so probably I’ve learned something about men from being around a lot of them (plus my dad), but that doesn’t always help. Our instincts seem to take us down the wrong path if we don’t get specific input from the opposite sex about how THEY think. There ARE basic differences between us.

      I think Sasha raised some valid concerns, too, but perhaps overreacted a bit without reading the specific advice that was offered (or sold, I suppose). She also may have misunderstood some things, but I wouldn’t know without reading Christian’s advice myself. By the way, it seems that Christian Carter is not David DeAngelo, but David DeAngelo is a fictitious name for Eben Pagan. David gives advice to MEN about dating. I’m no expert–just did a quick search and determined that much. It was after I clicked on an ad and heard Christian Carter that I did a search and ended up here, so I don’t know anything more about him.

      Anyway, I think this whole issue works both ways…because if men asked us for advice about what women are looking for, or find to be positive or negative traits or behavior, I daresay most of us would be happy to tell them what to do and what not to do, and we wouldn’t necessarily think they were being dishonest or manipulative or self-seeking to want to find out how we women think. We’d most likely think they were wise and caring to try to change their approach to suit us. It’s certainly not wrong to change if it’s genuine and based on improved understanding of yourself and others. It’s a great thing!

      To make this point, I’ll pull something Sasha said (sarcastically) and reverse the sexes. Would we agree with this statement? “The worst mistake a man can make is not seeking help. Because women are so hard to understand…” Personally, I’d agree with that. I think we are hard for men to understand, and if they’re wise, they’ll accept some help with the process. Opening their minds and studying women themselves is fine, but there’s nothing wrong with getting others’ thoughts, too. And we wouldn’t object if they got advice from a woman about women, so what’s wrong with us accepting advice from a man about men?

      There, I’ve had my say (I love logic!), so I’ll move along now… =)

      Oh, but by the way, if anyone wants good advice about men from a (married) woman, try the old book, “Fascinating Womanhood.” Some hackles might be raised if you dislike or misunderstand some of the author’s advice, but I found it very enlightening and helpful, and most of those I’ve shared it with also have. (Plus, there are countless testimonials in the book itself, and it’s been a popular nationwide seminar in past years.) When I’ve loaned the book, I’ve told my girlfriends that it’s “the top secret guide to men,” and they come back telling me that they agree. =)

  231. Debra

    First of all, Christian Carter and David DeAngelo are NOT the same person. Simply Google them both and their videos will come up. Unless DeAngelo had massive cosmetic surgery, that theory is preposterous. Secondly, I can see where women become resentful about men writing relationship-coaching books that effectively send the message, “Don’t do anything to piss a man off, and everything will work out.” I bought Carter’s book and was really torn over it. One part of me wanted to tear it up and tell every man on the planet, “F*** you and what YOU want and what YOU need. Read a book about WOMEN for a change and try to understand US.” But the more reluctant part of me knew that he was telling the raw, awful truth about men, and
    how they really think. I even questioned in depth ALL my close male friends to ask if Carter’s assertions were true, and the response was a unanimous YES. They confessed that men are self-centered, selfish jerks, and that their “fear of intimacy” is quite simply about the fear of never being allowed to put their penises anywhere but in one woman for the rest of their lives. That’s essentially what fear of commitment is for men. So we can hate Carter for delivering the message, but like it or not, he’s right. His coaching is also extremely useful for women who have a pattern of entering into relationships with the WRONG type of man (cheaters, gigolos, abusers, neglecters). His advice actually helps such a woman (yes, I’m one of them) learn BOUNDARIES, and learn to sit with uncomfortable feelings rather than jumping to the conclusion that he’s gone off you or found another woman the minute he’s 10 seconds late calling you. For those of us who never learned about what a healthy period of courtship looks like, or that a little push and pull and a few jump starts in the courtship phase are normal and HEALTHY (they indicate that someone is being CAREFUL about making a decision as huge as “Do I want to spend my life with this person?). Women hang onto fairy tale ideals about romantic love, whereas men are more pragmatic, and that’s the puzzle of men’s minds that he helps women to figure out. Carter’s coaching has helped me immensely. I was, for the first time, able to see that I had made almost ALL the mistakes that Carter talks about, and it always led to unsatisfying relationships at best, and abusive ones at worst. He doesn’t tell women to suffer in silence—he tells us HOW to communicate with men on their level to get them to listen to us rather than tune us out and run away.

  232. Kristin Fit

    I can’t stand Christian Carter and I would rather be single forever then have the “Type of man” he is woman advice on pleasing! Men have too many expectations nd that is the problem, somebody, their mom’s relatives, has told the that they are so great that they deserve a woman that does not exist! Well I would rther be alone!

  233. Lori

    I learned more about relationships and how people should treat each other just in the last half hour of reading peoples blogs. You dont need a book to tell you that you have to love yourself before someone can love you. I find if I spend a little time each day to do a simple thing to make him smile or make his day easier, its returned 10 fold. Everyone wants to know that they are loved and respected by the other person. Man or woman.

  234. Kristin Fit

    I want a man who could love me and accept me for who I am and not for how Christian or any other person has taught me to be! As soon as I encourntered his article online accidently, I found it very defensive and upsetting! Oh men usually wont want you if you are too affectionate? Who wants a man who is not loving and affectionate, he should not be in a relationship! If that is how men are, I am completely content with my cat who give me ample love and affection! I think the problem is these men today think they re all that ans some I don’t even think want a woman! I have entered the dating world after 8 years because I decided to end things, not the man, because I wanted more, I wanted marriage and family and he didn’t, so clearly, I wont settle for a man just to have a man! I am not a hooker, I am not going to be with somebody for years and not get married!

  235. Kristin Fit

    Debra if that is how men, I would rather be single! That said, obviously men do comit and do get married otherwise people would not be married, I don’t know what kind of guy frineds you have but I would not date any one of them! I would rather wait for the 2 percent of decent men that exist, if they are not all taken by all the married people!

  236. Nicole

    What’s the point of arguing each others opinions? There is no right or wrong. BUT Sasha made a great point when she said that even when the women wanted to cancel they were STILL getting charged. So to all you Christian Carter supporters. Please explain how that is so helpful to women! When someone is trying to rip you off. I looked for a wedding ring and didn’t even see one. Surely someone with his knowledge of how to manipulate women would easily have a wife.

  237. Robert

    Hey, I am in a relationship. It’s a lot of work too. It means sharing a bathroom, driving my spouse to work when she’s a little under the weather but still wants to work, picking things up at the grocery store, taking care of repairs on her car, ironing every once in awhile and yes, taking interesting trips and going out to dinner and to entertainment or friend’s homes etc.
    I know his attitude is a little condescending. But, there is some truth to his advice. Guys don’t always make sense and he lets you know how to make the most of that fact.

  238. Robert

    I just posted above (I am in a relationship and have to admit Christian’s advice is on point). I should add, however, that to make it endure you should sign up for classes. PAIRS FOUNDATION has some great courses. I think my spouse used a good many of Christian’s techniques to get us to exchange vows, but the PAIRS course has kept us together. I glanced at the Book cited above, Fascinating Womanhood, and that also has bad reviews on Amazon. One final thing that Christian leaves out is to look at a man’s friends. The man is who his closest friends are.

  239. Jason Beck

    It was all summed up so nicely:

    “who already has her act together, is attractive,
    healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, and
    who is emotionally in control of herself and her
    own life”

    It’s our nature, generally, to look outward on what we want, what we might do with the world, but really we need to focus on ourselves, figure ourselves out completely TO THE CORE, and live our lives so our core is reflected all the way to the surface. That’ll take some time, and by the time you work it out, you’ll probably find someone else who’s done the same thing and fits you well. If not, just keep doing what you’ve now learned is the most fulfilling thing for you. You can’t go wrong living life that way.

  240. Jay

    As a MAN, I have to say Mr. Carter is full of $#!$%^&.

    The fact that he publishes under an assumed name speaks volumes.

    I should start my own blog, offering my wisdom from
    my life’s experience, and I would need to charge

    Also watch out for ANY ‘product’ selling for a price ending in 7, such as $29.97.

    Ever wonder why not $29.99? Because 7 has some mystical power to persuade you to by. 27, 47, 67,97, 197 it is all the same, and I have noticed every product priced this way is highly suspect, this
    guy is no exception.

    The trick to any good relationship is honesty and open communication. The quality of ANY relationship is directly proportional to the quality of the communication.

    You can be attracted to somebody and still not be right for each other.

    Ignore Mr Carter, and for fun keep and eye on him to see what name he chooses for his next scam.


    P.S: @ Jason Beck, 2 thumbs up

  241. K

    Question for the men out there…. Give your view on why men cheat on there wife, and get a girlfriend…. Is it because there unhappy at home, no sex at home? etc,etc….. Please tell us! Thanks.

  242. Krissy Fit

    Who wants a man who wants an independent woman anyway, a relationship is co-dependend, both dependent on one another? Personally I would not want a man who is indepdendent, that means he is fine on his own and does not need me. I would rather be alone if that is the case, then waste my time with that person. Whether you get married and one spouse stays home and takes care of the family and one works or both work and spit the work with the children you are both dependent on one another. IF men are really like Christian Carter, I would rather be on my own, if I have to be independent for you to love me, then I could be independent wihtout you, I would rather have a co-dependent relationship then nothing. And Robert, big deal you have to pick some stuff up at a grocery store or give your wife a ride to work, I am sure that gives you advantages, like if you don’t feel good enough to drive but still feel you could work, she would drive you to work, so what you cost you benefit from, why can’t people just find somebody they love and relax, instead of having to take classes on how to be with a guy, I hate those classes and would never have any desire to take them. I know for some religions in many Christian denomonations to get married you need to take a class, I would rather have a non- religous wedding, because that is other people telling you how to act, I want somebody who loves me and accepts me for who I am and I want to meet somebody who I love and accept for who he is, and if I cannot get that, I would rather have nothing. IF you love a person, you learn to deal with them. If you can’t handle lifes frustrations, you don’t belong in a relationship.And yes he tells woman to be more spontaneous and playfull and do things like play sports with the guy. I don’t play sports and that is not my thing, I wont pretend it is. I am a lady and am not looking to be somebodies guy pal, yes a relationship is compromrise, like if you know your man likes sports, you go to his sports games and he does oemthing you like with you, like hang out wiht your friends, but there are differnet ways to work that out and I dont think any of that is a huge problem. I would rather do stuff we both like, but yes doing more of a vareity of things and having a change in scenery is often something both partners could benefit from, that said, if you are at that point in your relationship, then you obviously have made it that far, if things are not going well at that point, there is probably bigger reasons.

  243. Kristin Fit

    SOmetimes I wonder if men are looking for a woman or a guy pal. I am a woman and I want a man who wants to treat me like one, or nothing, I would rather be alone then be with the wrong man.

  244. Krissy Fit

    I am begining to wonder if there are decent men around given the comments from some of the men on here. So you have to drive your wife to work sometimes Robert, big deal. I am sure she does the same for you if you need it. To say you need to take counseling classes for that, I hate those classes that is a person telling me how to act, Christian Carter is annoying enough and now that I am on eharmony, I keep getting his adds and they are annoying me. I don’t see a ring on these fingers, maybe his advice is good for men who just don’t want marriage. And men want indepdent woman, who wants a man who wants an indepdent woman? I would not want an independennt man, that means he does not need me. A relationship is co-depdenent. So what if hte woman does not have a career? In some marriages, even today, the woman stays home and does all the domestic work they live more frugally and live in a one room apartment maybe for a whole until maybe her children are older or whatever, sometimes its the man that stays home in rare cases. Even if both work, you are both dependent on one another in different ways. A man who does not respect work woman do that does not earn money, whether it be volunteer work or domestic work, that is a male chuvenist, so for those of you men who think its old fashioned if a woman is not the one bringing home a check its more old fashioned chovenistic and close minded to think that is all that matters. Excuse my spelling errors, I am a terrible speller, but I am intellignet despite that.

  245. Kristin Fit

    Christina Carter is a Male chovenist (or however you spell that, I am a terrible speller) who does not respect a woman’s individuality, does not value a woman’s work that does not earn money if the woman does not have a real career, by that I mean if the woman stays home and does domestic work or if the woman works, but does not have a career, but keeps busy doing other things. If men are like him, I do not want a man! I keep getting his articles shuved in my face on eharmony.

  246. Kristin Fit

    And what woman wants a man who wants an independent woman, a relationship is co-dependent, with both caring for one another in differnet ways? MAybe one partner stays home and takes care of teh children for a while and they have to live more frugally, but she or he does more domsetic owrk, or maybe they both work, but take care of one another in differnet ways. Robert, so what if you drive your woman to work that makes the relationship hard? Oy! And you don’t think she does the same for you? You say you need those couseling classes just to deal with that? To tell you the truth, I am not a believer in those classes, that is other people telling you how to act, unless the person is abusive.

  247. Kristin Fit

    Personally, I would not want an independent man because that means he does not need me.

  248. Isabella

    Don’t confuse “independence” with “I don’t want/need anybody”. Man or woman – you should never “need” someone to the extent that you can’t survive without the other person. That’s co-dependence and it’s unhealthy. It’s draining. Healthy independence is when you WANT to be with someone but your emotional well-being doesn’t DEPEND on it. In a relationship that’s healthy, both people enjoy being together but they can also give each other space whether it’s to hang out with their friends, engage in a hobby, sport, meditate, or do whatever. Alone time gives us the mental and emotional space to see things objectively and to reconnect with ourselves. A sure sign that you’re in a healthy relationship is when you can be in a relationship without losing your Self (in the other person). And YES, you need to be healthy and whole emotionally, mentally and physically and love yourself before you can love another in a healthy way and create a healthy relationship. Healthy Me + Healthy You = Healthy Relationship. If any one of those components is not healthy, it’s like the bad apple that poisons the rest of the batch.

    • Natalie

      Isabella, my goodness this is some good advice. Too bad you don’t have a book out ;o)

    • Grange

      Yes, I almost fell into his trap too so thanks for posting yours. I recommend this book (which is not expense, less than $20) it’s called “why men love bitches” by Sherry Argov. She’s hilarious and she has great insight. No “you’re too emotional” crap but basically how to be a (nice, feminine and looking out for your best interests) bitch and succeed in a relationship. Also talks about bad signs to watch out for in men – and how to change their behaviour without getting upset or showing you’re upset. I’ve been trying out her tips and, not bad at all!
      I have no affiliation with the book, just thought I’d recommend. Good luck!

    • camelia

      And this is why all of you complaining women can’t have a great relationship. You are just bunch of complaining bitches who likes to do just that, complain. Don’ t take advice as a criticism . Try to pretend you are perfect and don’t need to change, but men do?!

      • vic

        I agree w/ you. Its not that men dislike or are put off by complaining. We do it too. But we struggle understanding why women do it if you don’t want to take steps to make things better. Then, we think you’re just complaining to be negative & you’re just wasting our time when we could be actually accomplishing something, relaxing, or enjoying ourselves. Men don’t need to connect emotionally w/ women (I said men, not boys). We do it w/ someone we care about b/c we know she needs it. Just like a woman may indulge a man physically tho she’s not in the mood.

    • luv to luv

      Wow Isabella! Such good advice! I agree with Natalie 🙂

    • la luz de mi corazon

      Isabella, your comment is very helpful. The things you have written above show your deep psychological insight into the nature of each human relationship. In psychology there is a theory of circles representing a constellation of two personalities. In case the circles just partially overlap each other, they indicate a healthy human relationship. Two other possible models (two circles lying far apart or totally overlapping each other) would represent fallacious kinds of relationships.

  249. Toonces

    Fcuk this I am getting another cat instead.

    • Jess

      I love this comment – even though I don’t like cats. Make me meow with laughter 🙂

  250. elle

    Too funny … as I’ve been recieving and reading these emails… even though I like the lady that wrote the article could see that all it boiled down too was placing pressure on a woman to put the man’s needs first, totally forgetting and placing no importance on how she really feels.. I did get a bit brainwashed and even considered signing up!

    Thank God I stumbled across this.. brought me back to my senses with a crash..

    Every woman deserves to be with someone who will think about how they feel and want to make them happy without the woman having to be something she is not.. if its not working out that way.. unfortunately there isn’t any amount of work or playing games that you can do.. just cut your losses move on.. if a guy is interested he will let you know.. that is the bottom line.

    & if you really look into this Christian Carter stuff, in the end that’s what he advises, go off be yourself, have your own life, be the person you were before you became consumed with the said person and he says your man will like you better for that.. hahaha isn’t that moving on?

    So after all the brainwashing, confusing stuff it all ends in what we all know we should have done in the first place!

    • josh

      What if that’s what I do? I let her know that love her for her and don’t want her any other way. I tell her that she is Beautiful and that I Love Her everyday. I am interested and supportive in every way that I can, but she still seems to resist for no reason. Sometimes it’s great and we get along, but other times she’s thinking about everything in a negative/unsure way. Plus she’s having trouble letting go of her past. Do you have any good ideas for me? I am sooo lost and just want to Love this amazing woman.

      • Maria

        Give her less attention. Tell her to go to therapy. Or stay away while she is pms’ing.

      • Bren

        She is a lucky woman to have you. Ask her if there is something you are doing to maker her doubt you? She’ll probably say “no” and may start to take a look at herself, and try to find the answer to why she is insecure and change it.
        At the very least, she needs to be able to appreciate you for your steadfast love and admiration. If she cant, you may need to move on.

      • skap

        Sorry to say this, Josh, but if she can’t see the person she wants to be in your eyes, you’re not the right person. Conversely, she’s not the right person for you.

      • Lori

        Josh, I feel your pain.. I recomment you read a book called The five love languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. It seems maybe your situation here is maybe you havent figured out her love language.. for example..One of the laguages is Words of Affirmation. Most people love a person in their own love language. Say this one is yours… so you tell her she is beautiful and you tell her how special she is to you.. You shower her with words of greatness praising her .. But yet she still seems to resist… You think to yourself.. I do all i can to love her.. I do all i can to show her.. But in reality. she is not feeling like she is receiving love because Words of Affirmation is not her love language. Reading this book will explain to you what the love languages are.. and there is a quiz to figure out what is each others love language. Say for example her love language is…Acts of Service… she expects you to help her with the dishes, mow the grass, clean the house.. carry the groceries.. whatever.. that would make her feel loved… but you keep loving her in your own love language because that is what is natural to you… so even though you feel you are loving her with all you know.. she is not feeling it..and she is probally complaining about what you dont do …. so find out what her love language is and start loving her in the way she feels it… if that doesnt work.. then she doesnt know your worth.. and find someone who will 😉

    • lori

      You are wrong, that’s not the point he is making. Men love women who love themselves. You show you love yourself, by focusing on you and your needs, and subtly showing him that you don’t NEED him, you just enjoy being with him. Its about true friendship and emotional connection with another human being. All men want to love and be loved by a woman who loves herself. She can show him that she loves herself by taking care of herself first. That’s not the same as moving on. Don’t jump to conclusions.

  251. Maize

    I think it is funny that you think he is the devil. I have a different perspective in that I believe, sure he is making money off what he advises and says…well, people have to make a living and this is how he does it with some actually good advise. What I have gleaned not just from him, but from many “relationship” coaches, bc I set out for a different perspective after a divorce….is that really he is articulating the many differences between men and women and how we think differently. There are zillions of books on this very subject many written by women that say exactly the same thing…….he makes money, as do all the ppl that have written books and to reiterate what the person said just above me….that is basically what it boils down to, have no expectations, don’t be a insta girlfriend, don’t have sex until you are ready but just bc you think you are in a relationship does not mean you are, so buyer beware, have a life, be yourself…not don’t be yourself just think differently etc….on and on……my point is, he is not the only one saying these exact same things and he in no way encourages you to not talk about your emotions, he explains why men are not wired to do so……so, if that is what your reader took away, I am sorry to say I think she missed the point entirely. I have a male mentor, whom I adore….and I can say with conviction, he echoes most of what Mr Carter does, he just does not make any money off of it. Even though I am lucky to have him, I have paid foe some of Christians program, as well as, many books etc….bc the subject fascinates me and bc yes, it does offer a different perspective than we, as women have and how things should be.

    • J.Kane

      I agree with you, I think. I have read all the e-mails sent so far and have found them enlightening, up to a point. I am exploring this site because I was interested to know if Christian Carter is even a real person and, if so, who? Thanks to one person’s comments I have found answer to this question. Apparently he is! Someone called David de Angelo. I shall go and Google that, now. Thanks y’all.

    • Dolly

      All I know is that after over 20 years of dating/relationship disasters, repeating a similar painful pattern over and over, I did reach out, subscribed and read. This started me on a transformational journey from what I now realise was a needy, desperate lonely woman, to a confident, outgoing siren with her act together. And I have learned to truly love men for the wonderful, vulnerable adorable beings they are, while at the same time loving myself, and actually putting ME first..

      The questions asked above are answered in his books and CDs, if you are prepared to invest in yourself instead of staying as your are, getting hurt and wingeing about how all men are ******,

      And as for his charges, well he has to make a living too and is using his talen to do so. He has invested in himself and learned stuff, and is now sharing it with us. And I had no problem unsubscribing, on several occasions.

      Good luck!

  252. Carol

    Thank you for posting this. I had to call and cancel our Visa to keep this scammer out of our account.

  253. alicia

    how do I get the charges to stop?????

  254. Melinda

    Maize, I coudn’t have said it better. I actually feel more empowered from listening to him than ever. I especially enjoyed the part about immature men and that when dealing with one, don’t settle.

    I just received a response to a question that I sent in to him and was very happy with what he said: He asked me if I was with a man or a boy (man boy) and then went on to describe the difference by stating that a real man will not run away or become indifferent or indignant when he is confronted with hard truths about a woman’s frustrations. In fact he went on to say that a real man, while he may show some resistance initially ( deliver is important) will want to know how a woman he cares for and loves feels and want to meet her needs.

    Wouldn’t you want a man to want to try and understand your uniqueness as female.

    • Dolly

      I have to comment also on the subject on sleeping with a man.

      I know women in successful relationships who have waited a month, and others who slept with a man on the first night.

      So I believe the answer is, do what is right for YOU! Go with the flow of what feels good for you and your own life. Don’t ever sleep with a man if you feel insecure, or in order to ‘get’ him. A man will respect you most for being happy, confident and enjoying your life, and if you are a sexual woman getting what you want, hey, he will love you the more for it.

      The right time to sleep with a man is when YOU want to!

      • vic

        When you sleep w/ a man is irrelevant. It’s when you unleash your insecurities and begin obsessing on the Great Cosmic Fate that is your weird & confusing perspective of what a relationship is. When women act like this it makes a man doubt that he has a true, equal partner, and instead think that he is in a relationship w/ a little girl w/ daddy issues. It’s creepy. Don’t be so eager to establish a relationship. It makes men think all you’re really looking for is a suit to stick on top of a wedding cake. Similar to how a woman would feel if her date just started groping her. Its creepy & stinks of ulterior motives.

  255. janet

    Christian Carter and David DeAngelo are not the same person.

  256. Marsha

    Christian Carter and David DeAngelo are definitely NOT the same person.
    I don’t think Christian Carter implies to say that women should not show any emotion. Men want to be with women because they are women and able to CLEARLY communicate what is bothering them without getting overly emotional about it. This way they can actually hear what the woman is saying. Most women blame when they are emotional and not realizing it. Saying Something as simple to a man as” you don’t spend enough time with me” is not the same as saying to a man “I would like it if you can spend more time with me because I like being with you and I miss you “. The second sentence does not imply blame.

  257. Christina

    Hey.. anyone who has purchase his program, can you help me??? I really messed up with the guy I am in love with.. (I got the ‘I love you, but I am not in love with you’ response when I told I loved him. ) But, His ACTIONS have a completely different meaning. Calls to check on me all the time, or texts. Holds my hand, cuddles with me. Makes excuses to touch me all the time. So, any of you that might be able to give a girl some free advice… I would forever be grateful. I truly believe he is THE one.. Respects me, my thoughts, opinions, I can be myself around him. We have similar goals, dreams, values….etc…..


    • Deb

      Sounds as though you’ve got the real deal…does it matter what he calls it? Christian Carter would tell you to relax and stop labelling it! On this, I think I agree with him. Show love and gratitude for what he does give you/does for you and he might change what he calls it! Deb

    • Melissa

      Hey! I read your comment and had to respond. My experience with men like this (I love you but I’m not in love with you) is that you should take him at his word. He likes being with you, likes the affection, doesn’t want to be alone, but doesn’t necessarily want a permanent relationship. I don’t understand men like this. Their actions can be very misleading. Hope this helps.

    • Richard

      I am a guy, and I am older, reasonably intelligent, and I have some experience in this sort of thing. So I dont feel afraid to chime in.

      Yes its true what was said before; dont confuse dispays of affection for “true love”. Guys (some) like to be affectionate, physical, loving, caring, all those things. Because it feels good to be that way, especially when its reciprocal (which Im guessing it is in your case). Of course it feels good, who wouldnt want that? But that doesnt necessarily equate to wanting a long term commitment with you. These two things can be mutually exclusive in a mans mind. Believe me when I tell you this. I have been on a lot of emotional roller coaster rides. Im smart enough (just barely) to understand what is going on.

      Men think “literally”. There is nothing between the lines. I always tell my (lover)? to listen to what I say, not what you think I might have meant by what I did, or what I was implying. Not that it ever works. But if it DID work, things would probably work much more smoothly.

      • OptimisticChiq

        So what is “true love” then, to men? What makes them want to love a girl truly and deeply beyond ‘displays of affection’?

    • Amy

      Move on. He just TOLD you he isn’t in love with you. What are you confused about? Have some self-respect. He is not giving you what you want, but he is taking what he wants (YOUR affection, time, companionship, and love). This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be friends, but you certainly need to really LISTEN (which is what more women should do) and not read so much between the lines and actions and move ahead. We all know men can separate their minds/bodies much more than women can and who cares?

      Stop asking for advice for something I think you know you already need to do (move on). You’re just looking for reinforcement to stay in a “relationship” with a guy who will dump you when he falls in love with someone else. You want to stick around and feel the pain of that? Sorry to be harsh, but life is too short to be trying to convince someone (or yourself) to be with you.

      Good luck.

    • Big Al

      Girrrrrrl!, you need to flip the switches on this one! Don’t be so available, act a little distant, and show him you don’t need him. Live your life and be happy. If its meant to be, he should be begging to hang out and change his mind. Say you need some time/space to think about things. And think about it! Do you really love this person? Regardless of the outcome, you should live your life as a happy, independent girl:)

  258. Heather

    I want to know if Christian Carter can get my guy to take out the trash.

    If he’s such an expert on the male mind, then this should be a no-brainer…

    • Kayla

      For that you should go to the five love languages honey.

  259. Lisa

    I too was going to “crash” and purchase this e-book but I’m glad I haven’t. I too am having man trouble… who isn’t?!?! My guy whom I have been dating for 3 months is going through a separation (which was decided previous to our meeting one another), selling his home and buying a new home for him and his daughter. Unfortunately due to stress etc, our relationship has somewhat been put on the backburner. I’m trying so hard to be patient but the lack of communication on his part lately is killing me. I don’t want to appear needy and push him away so I was hoping Christian Carter’s book would tell me what NOT to do! I guess I should just go about my life and wait for him to contact me. I know that… but I’m aching to contact him. ARGH!!!!! Any suggestions?

    • Deb

      Hi Lisa. My take on it is this……If you truly love someone you do not ask or expect them to make you happy…that is a HUGE burden to put onto another human being, Especially when they are already going through the mill. This advice from a dear male friend by the way!
      It’s SO hard though when you care for someone. Female nature to be nurturing.
      We must not make the mistake of mothering men though. It is patronising. We need to TRUST that they can sort this stuff for themselves. It’s the most respectful thing to do. Busy yourself developing yourself in some way. When you’re waiting for your ship to come in…Do some work on the dock! Deb

  260. Krissy Fit

    I disagree, co-dependent is healthy, and there are many relationships and marriages where the couples spend most of their time together and don’t need space from one another and are emotionally dependent, that is called love, sorry for those of you who have never experienced that.

    • Melissa

      Krissy – you’re confusing co-dependence for interdependence. Co-dependency is NOT healthy. If all you become is the other person, when that other person is no longer there (for whatever reason), then what are you? Nothing. And that’s why it’s not healthy. One must maintain one’s Self before one can truly love and be in a healthy relationship with another.

  261. Kelly

    Chris Carter is just another self-help guru like Men are From Mars and Women are from Venus. Ultimately, he and all these other self-help gurus, can make a quick buck. Plenty of women apply similar principles to what Chris Carter is preaching, but guess what they go by the “book” of their religion. Every religion and place of worship out there now gives clear guidelines for couples who are dating and courtship. You have to ask yourself some other questions. Do you want to raise children in such a selfish marriage? In the religious way of thinking, at least you’re sacrificing self for a greater power, one, hopefully, in the Chirstian and Jewish traditions, which is based on unselfish love. It seems to me, that a lot of these self-help gurus, are incredibly selfish, and so are the women who read them, because, ultimately, everyone’s focus is on me me me. That so called independence is a myth. If you’re going to be in a relationship that’s intimate, and be married, or long-term, and grow old with someone, you’re going to face a lot of important decisions together. Especially if you plan on having kids together. A lot of people in these kinds fo realtionships are in them for the social status of saying they have a “someone.” If you want to be with the kind of man who can’t be emotionally responsible and responsive enough to handle his own emotions, guess what, he can’t handle yours, either. I think good old Amy Alkon, advice goddess, has a lot of humorous things to say on men’s realities from a secular standpoint, if religion isn’t your game, and she’s very realistic. How many of you women reading these things have college degrees or at least high school English where you learned higher and constructive criticism? Use the same kind of thinking to deal with the bull shit out there, ladies. Because that’s what it is, bullshit, pure and simple, especially about the whole “Work is equal pay, but intimate life isn’t that way” SeriouslY? If women are really not in spritually egalatarian relationships where thye can express themselves about men the way men express themselves about women, you’re gonna lose, ladies, every single time. Stop dealing with the bullshit emotional bureaucracies built by any “expert” and think for yourself and take time to actually get to know men, and have men friends in your life. If what you wanna here is some guru mentor male expert guide your whole life, it’snot you, guiding it. You want to listen to one guy, when there is a whole history of what’s been going on between the sexes and scholars and the social sciences have great articles about on Google scholar that you’re smart enough to read, but are to lazy too, because Carter’s it, and people’s like his is easy mindless zombie nonsense. Try being a little more Rosie the RIveter. Put some muscle into it, gals! Put some fight in your spirit. Otherwise you’ll get just this — and so will your daughters, and your sons.

    • Ruby

      “If women are really not in spritually egalatarian relationships where thye can express themselves about men the way men express themselves about women, you’re gonna lose, ladies, every single time. ”

      That’s exactly it. Christian Carter’s advice boils down to, “don’t be yourself, be the fantasy person that you think HE will want you to be.”

      How is anybody going to sustain that?

      • J.Kane

        I think that some men, even when with a woman they care about, just want to still keep their options open, sometimes what they need to feel good is having you admit to deep feelings for them whilst withholding any confirmation of theirs for you. Never forget the often over-riding factor of the male ego in all this! Note how much emphasis there is in Christian Carter about the man’s constant need to feel good (i.e. about himself) and the implied responsibility the woman has to provide this “service” for him. And the “unpredictability” thing is just another way of saying that she is also supposed to entertain him all the time as though he really were a baby! Men! Pshaw!

    • renee

      I like what you had to say but I am not sure of any help I can get with relationships from the biblical perspective with what you wrote do you think you could lead me in a direction that would help me keep God first and not loose my self in a relationship with a man. I did not understand where you where saying I could get this help from.

  262. Juliet Montague

    Christians advice can be summarized in one sentence:
    Do a great blow job and never complain!
    The Year I Learned to Text; Why Am I Sleeping Wtih a Muslim in my Basement? the romantic, bawdy novel tells you all you need to know about how to attract a bad boy!

  263. Veris

    Krissy, you are right but only to a point. I think it is in the words you used. My parents are the most dysfunctional, functional couple I know. What I noticed is that as dysfunctional as my parents are they end up doing as Deb says in the end. Mom nags then eventually realizes she can’t change Dad and goes about making herself happy until Dad joins in. Dad is more on top of this but it works out the same way. There is a clear distinct difference between being a team/partners, depending and contributing to each other, and the negative being Codependent. Codependent means I can’t be happy unless you are. I won’t take care of myself because I’m too overwhelmed taking care of you. Codependent is like having a Life Guard try to save you while not being able to swim. A Codependent person is the one that doesn’t listen to the safety instructions the Flight Attendant gives and suffocates while trying to put an oxygen mask on someone else first. Team/partnership means we both put out the fire when the house is burning and therefore have a better chance than alone for example. I’ve had both types relationships so, yes, it means being vunerable and risking hurt and pain of losing that special someone. It does mean working at it and, it is so worth it! Deb’s comments are most sensible.

    • netcadet

      Don’t forget that codependency starts with “co-“. It can’t continue if BOTH aren’t “playing the game.” It’s a two-way dysfunction: one person “needs to be needed” (and becomes the caretaker, fixer, solver, “s”avior of the relationship…or “s”avior of that person’s emotional hurts) and the other person “needs to need” (–they view themselves as “needing to BE fixed…”s”aved…etc.”). That’s where the “two halves (in a relationship) don’t make a whole comes in.” Only two “whole” (or “hole”…as in “missing a piece of him/herself,” but ONLY in the sense that Once a person is ALREADY Whole/Complete, THEN that person can be “completed” within a mutual loving (“in”-love) relationship) as each becomes refined by forgiving, understanding, tolerating, being patient, each giving 110% (OR alternating–it’s life, after all, it will Not always be “fair”; or, at least, “fair” does not mean “equal”)…you get the picture.

  264. mm

    It is interesting to read all these comments. Many of the “complaints” about difficulties between women and men sound similar to what gay and lesbian couples express about problems in their relationships.

    Could it be, that while men have some similarities, i.e., genitalia and socialization, they are also unique individuals encountering the same thing in women? It’s just a thought.

    I’ve seen all kinds of couples in my profession, and what seems to differentiate the “successful” couples are a few simple things: 1) Mutual respect: they talk nicely to and about each other; 2) Mutual acceptance: they understand they are not with “Mr. or Ms. Perfect” and that’s quite all right; 3) Mutual fairness: they agree to disagree, to “live and let live” on the non-essentials of their relationship, and when they do fight, they stay on the issue rather than re-focus by attacking the other as an inadequate person.

    It’s relationship, not rocket science. All successful relationships require commitment and communication. Even so, there is always the risk that sometimes, even long standing ones between two good people in their own right, can falter and fail. We are just that human.

    Anyone who mystifies it does so for their own gain. Christian Carter may not be quite the devil itself, should such an entity exist, but “charlatan” would surely suffice.

  265. Kayleen

    Well well, here I was have been looking an dlistening to all the trails this guy puts into my inbox. Last week-end when I was rejected by a guy I decided to google Christian and sign up. Like the lady who wrote the article I realised I would be signing my credit card away to a monthly costeven after I had done ‘the purchase’. The excuse for the break up was that I am too dominant. Isn’t it amazing when you tell a guy that what he has done is not in your line of thinking an dcould he please not do that again is being too dominant. Boy or boy he has no idea.

  266. kimi

    lol i just got done listening to what he had to say.. came upon it by accident and then i was like man i dont have a credit card so i typed in catch (blah blah blah..) to see if i could get more.. then this link came up and i was like hahahahahahah devil… and now that i read what you said.. i feel better about myself knoing i already got the tools and nothings wrong with me.. thank you!!

  267. Krissy Fit

    Veris, that may be so, but I still want that and wont settle for anything less, even if it means the only man I will have for the rest of my life is my cat. I think anything that is as great enough as having the love of your life and both depending on one another (co-dependent) there is a change of being hurt, but it is worth the risk.