As many of you know, I lived as an expat in Buenos Aires for five years (from 2016 to 2020). I’m currently back in my native Rhode Island.
Before the pandemic changed everything, Tan Kurttekin and I shot this video in 2019 to show you a day in the life of my life in Buenos Aires.
In this video I take you to five of my favorite places collected over the five years that I lived in the city. The shoes. The body-positive tango fashion. The dancing. The cuisine. The mate. The men! LOL.
This video is a love letter to the city that helped me heal and find myself again, and to all the passionate tanguerxs I met along the way.
This video will also give you an idea of the places where you can go if you come on a Tango Adventure, once the pandemia has calmed down in South America.
Now on to the show…
As I watch the video now, I am filled with nostalgia for pre-pandemic Buenos Aires.
In the video we go to…
First: Cafe Nostalgia for the introductory coffee (a beautiful spot, you want to grab a cortado (coffee with foam on top) when you visit
Next: Ateneo, the world’s most beautiful bookstore
Next: Casa del Sol with Eva for Body-Positive Tango Dress Shopping, then mate on the terrazza
Next: Graphic Design Lunch at Mooi with Ansil
Next: Tango Shoe-Shopping with Sylvia at Alanis
Next: Out to Canning (an elegant milonga) with Jamila in the newly purchased dress. Did I buy the right one?! Should I have gotten that blue dress?
This video was shot by the genius (genio) cinemtagropher Tan Kurttekin, who also helped me make the pussywalking videos. The equally genius (genia) Magali Ayala edited. I love my creative team in Buenos Aires. The creative energy is one of my favorite things about Buenos Aires, actually. It’s a place where a woman can move on her own, meet other adventurous expats and crazy-creative Argentines too and creates lots of cool things together. Mwah!
Solo Chica Contest Winner Kelly Macias on her trip to Buenos Aires with my Tango Adventure team, November, 2019
Way back in the pre-pandemic era, I created the brand Solo Chica to encourage women to travel alone.
To launch Solo Chica, we sponsored a contest.
We chose Kelly Macias from Washington, DC as the winner.
Kelly is a writer, storyteller and Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion consultant focused on social justice, currently based in Washington, DC. She uses storytelling as a key part of her DEI work to create worlds where everyone gets seen and everyone matters.
Kelly has been in love with tango for years but she was not dancing or studying when we first met. She reached out to me for life coaching, initially with reconnecting to her body and pleasure as the goal with the idea that she might get back into tango too. Through our coaching relationship, she decided to come to Buenos Aires for a Solo Chica Tango Adventure. Kelly came to Buenos Aires just a few months before the pandemia (the pandemic!) sidelined us from the dance floor.
We loved Kelly’s answers. Why should we choose you for the launch contest? “I’ve spent the last few years feeling very disconnected from my sexuality, sensuality and feminine energy, as a whole. I would the opportunity to get support in exploring it.”
What would it mean for you to rediscover the Tango Goddess in you through the photo shoot? “Like many working women in their forties, I’ve been busy focusing on my career for the last several years. The stress of trying to be successful in a hectic society centered around class and patriarchy and white supremacy has taken its toll. I’m no longer as carefree or vulnerable as I used to be.
Add technology and social media to the mix, and it has meant that I spend most of my time in front of a computer screen than tending to my intimate relationships. I want to connect back to my vulnerability and sensuality and joy and think that the Tango Goddess photo shoot is a way to liberate myself from all that has been weighing me down.”
The grand prize: a Free Tango Goddess Photo Shoot with our resident genius photographer Tan Kurttekin, who shoots for Netflix among other clients!
We are super excited to share the results of the photo shoot with you here. Kelly is definitely a TANGO GODDESS! She was already a goddess before she arrived.
In this video that we recorded in Plaza Dorrego, where tango is danced on Sunday nights in San Telmo, Buenos Aires, and the streets are taken over early in the day by pounding drums and a street fair, Kelly talks about what it was like to work with me in a coaching relationship and to combine that work with the trip to Argentina.
Before we started working together, Kelly struggled with her own doubts about whether tango is really a dance for a curvy, Black woman. She hadn’t seen many other women in the US tango scene who looked like her. She worried that to dance tango, one had to have a thin ballet-like body.
I could understand that fear. I used to feel the same way. I thought being a curvy woman would make being a tango dancer impossible. I’m sure many others have felt this way. Far too many women (and some men too) put our desires on hold thinking we need to get to some magical number on the scale, or BMI, before we go out in the world and do the things we want to do.
The most amazing part is how Kelly found me. She googled “curvy woman tango” and found me through an Internet search. I don’t ever remember using those words in a blog post, but I do put my body out there as an example that one doesn’t have to be skinny or flat-chested to be a dancer.
Kelly told us, “I feel much more connected to my body compared to at home, less hip and back pain. Just in general feeling much more alive and embodied and aware of what’s happening in my body. Also the feeling of not being stressed. I can feel space opened up. And the heaviness that I feel normally has been lifted. My muscles are working in ways that they haven’t in years.”
“I learned that the lessons that apply to tango, apply to life. Things about connection and being able to connect with strangers through dance. Dancing with a good dancer sort of feels like falling in love. So there’s been this experience that’s sort of like falling in love. Every time I’m dancing, every time I’m held at a milonga or at a practice, every time I trust someone new it’s just this wonderful sort of high feeling that I haven’t felt in a really long time so this experience it’s been transformative in that way.”
With the wonderful Wanda Abramor, a key teacher in my Tango Your Life/Tango Adventure team
As a poster girl for solo female tango travel to Buenos Aires, Kelly told us she wanted to help us show that tango is for everybody, and every body type, racial/ethnic background, age, and background. We are completely on board for this mission of inclusion!
It’s important to touch on the history of tango here. The African origins of tango in Argentina have often been erased since many Argentines perceive themselves as a white country with European roots. The African influence was present and vital in the roots of tango, and these days more people are talking about that. This recognition of the role of African influence in tango goes in parallel with social change happening in Argentina. It’s common to hear stories from people who realize they had a Black grandmother that nobody talked about. More and more Argentines are identifying themselves as Afro-descendants.
Kelly was the perfect fit for the Solo Chica Program because this project was created to show more women the infinite doors tango can open up beyond the dance itself.
Kelly said so many good things in our interview that we wanted to share more clips with you to share her story so you can see those in the Instagram clips below:
“Less Politics, More Tango”
“Mistakes as Part of the Dance,”
“The African Roots of Tango in Buenos Aires.”
The humorist Fran Leibowitz (star of Netflix’s docu-series “Pretend It’s a City”) talked to NPR’s Terry Gross about living alone in New York City during Covid.
Leibowitz said, “Well, it still seems to me to be by far the best choice. I cannot understand how people who do not live alone have stood this last 10 months, because the only upside of having to stay in my apartment is at least there was no one else there. I would find that unbearable, I mean, truly unbearable.”
Ha! When I heard this line on the radio, I glanced around my own apartment to ask myself whether I was happy that there was no one else there. I mean, sure, I love my solitude and all my weird secret single behaviors, with no TV blaring news programs or sports I don’t care about, but I can’t say that I genuinely agreed with Leibowitz that living alone during Covid is the best option—for me. I am not quite the badass Fran L. is, or rather, I’m a different breed of badass.
We all experience living alone and being single differently. Even if we can be OK with being single–or actively enjoy it–living Covid single has been something else. Since I’ve been in transition from Buenos Aires back to the U.S., I’ve done a little bit of everything over the last year: living alone, living with family, in a relationship, and single. I have to say, the transitions were the hardest. Living alone after spending weekends with a partner or living family most of the time was tough. Solitude is a good thing—and there can be too much of a good thing. I missed having people to talk to without setting up a Zoom or dialing the phone.
I was glad to see this news story from the New York Times: A Pandemic is Hard Enough, For Some Being Single Has Made It Harder. The concerns of people who live alone have often been ignored by governments in coronavirus guidelines that unilaterally discourage household mixing—what about all those households of one? For many of us who are single and living alone, the need for human contact can push us to the limit. Some of my single coaching clients have talked about not feeling human, just because they are working on Zoom or email, missing all the serendipitous, everyday fleeting encounters we’d normally have, at the dry cleaners or the office.
Not everyone has access to the New York Times so I will give you a few key nuggets:
“Some who said they were content with being single before the pandemic have nonetheless struggled with what they’re missing in emotional support and even routine physical touch.”
“…while people missed sex, there was more severe pining for nonsexual forms of touch: the day-to-day contact, couch cuddling and hugs — even high-fives — that have been severed off in an age of social distancing.”
“For some, losing nearly a year of searching for a partner is time people didn’t think they could spare…” “That’s especially an issue for those feeling a biological rush to have children.”
This is an especially good Twitter thread to read. A clinical oncology consultant in the UK started a conversation about the dreadfulness of being single during Covid.
I don’t know who wants to hear this, but being single during this pandemic has been downright dreadful.
I’m not taking away from the seriousness of the pandemic. Please take it seriously, but by God has it been hard when you simply don’t have anyone to share time with.
All this time alone has its silver linings. Look at all that time you have to get in shape/learn a new language/get clear about what you really want in a relationship and your life. That’s all true, and I’m all for using our time intentionally, living consciously and deliberately.
And we need to be real about the challenges we are facing. Otherwise we stuff down the emotion in our bodies, and it manifests as pain, illness, stiffness, and get this—fatigue! Is that why Covid has been so tiring?
What about you? How are you living Covid? If you are single, are you savoring the alone time or dying for the time when you can go out dancing or to the gym or to yoga class, or wherever it is that you see people? If you’re in a relationship, do you sometimes wish you were living alone? If you are single and living alone, do you wish you were cohabiting so you had someone to talk with? If you’re single with kids home, how is it going for you?
Let us know in the comments.
I want to remind you that I am a life coach who specializes in working with women and men who identify or aspire to the quirkyalone concept, so if you have quirkyalone tendencies and you are struggling with any of the above (or something else), there’s a good chance that I will “get” you.
Could you benefit from the structure and support of life coaching?
Me encanto la charla! I loved being on Univision’s ¡Despierta América! (that’s “Wake Up America,” a kind of Good Morning America aimed at the Latino audience in the US) talking about self-marriage and what I do to reconcile with myself after a big internal conflict … give myself a kiss and buy myself chocolate! This interview was funny!
I love it when the interviewers ask interesting questions. Paola Gutierrez asked me what made me fall in love with myself enough to marry myself. I thought for a second and said, “My sensitivity.”
Awwwww. I fell in love with myself all over again.
if you understand Spanish, watch this interview! Or even if you don’t speak Spanish. This chat has buena onda (good vibes).
Since 2003, we’ve been celebrating Quirkyalone/Together Day as an alternative to Valentine’s Day. Quirkyalone/Together Day is a chance to celebrate all forms of love, starting with your relationship with yourself. Quirkyalone Day has been celebrated in 50 cities around the world and featured on CNN, MSNBC, in the New York Times, NPR, and many other media.
Quirkyalone uplifts single people but this holiday is NOT only for single people.
All are welcome including couples who are looking for something free and different. You will get to meet some cool new people and connect with your own quirky spirit at the same time.
Sasha Cagen, creator of the quirkyalone movement, author of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics, and life coach extraordinaire will be guiding the ceremonies.
As this is a pre-IQD party on Friday (the official holiday is February 14) Sasha will help you plan what you will do on your Quirkyalone/Together Day and offer wisdom and inspiration from almost 20 years of celebrating solitude and self-connection.
We’ll have DJ Rubberband Girl from Berkeley’s KALX spinning the most inspiring quirkyalone/together music to get us dancing intermittently. Movement!
This is the first time we from Quirkyalone are ever doing such a thing on Zoom. It’s historic. Herstoric! Please come to witness and be part of it!
If you are feeling crafty and creative, please make a Quirkyalone/Together Day Card and bring it to the party to share – we would love to see it!
You can see some examples of cards from past years below.
Love yourself first and foremost by married quirkytogether Danielle Jatlow, of Burlington, Vermont.
Card by writer and artist Jenny Bitner of San Francisco
Let’s hang out from Kerry Lander, Melbourne, Australia
You don’t want to miss this Quirkyalone Day gathering, Pandemic-edition! As they say in Argentina, this online party is imperdible (unmissable) . And seriously what other online event could be better? Sign up here to get the link.
To make sense of my dizzying move back to Rhode Island from Argentina at the start of the pandemic I wrote this blog post.
Today at 5 pm ET I’ll read a portion of that piece about the split-second decision I had to make about leaving Argentina as the borders were closing in the countries all around me as part of a What Cheer Writers’ Club Zoom series of short readings from Rhode Islanders reflecting on 2020, a year of pandemic and protest.
I was really looking forward to joining What Cheer to connect with other writers in my home state. There haven’t been any in-person events since I moved back in March, but it’s certainly cool to connect with other writers virtually.
The pandemic can have a way of making us feel less than human since we have to wear masks and keep distance from each other to stay safe. Storytelling is a good way to keep our humanity alive. To gather around the virtual campfire and listen to each other. Maybe listening in will inspire you to write.
Happy new year all! Even though clearly the start of 2021 has not turned a new page for us in the US (last week’s events in D.C. at the Capital are pretty damn shocking) I still believe we have the right to wish ourselves a happy new year. So happy new year.
I’m glad to share this podcast with you in the first month of the new year. This is a funny one. My soon-to-be sister-in-law Rachael Dubinsky (she’s marrying my very lucky little bro Dan) recently started a podcast called Wicked Writers with the intention of talking about taboo topics. She found the right writer-relative to interview in me! Pretty much all my writing touches on shame, the things we don’t want to admit, in the service of healing. My own, yours, the world’s….
In this podcast you get to hear me explain all the wild and wonderful stuff I have been up to for the last years, from becoming a celebrity in Argentina for being the first woman to marry myself in that country (this was nuts) to the long journey of writing a scarily honest memoir (and why writing memoir can take years and years).
I invite you to take a listen, here’s what you will hear us talk about:
* Loneliness vs. solitude
* The upcoming version of an updated Quirkyalone
* Being quirkytogether: designing a couple relationship honestly and as a path of intimacy
* Tips for carving out your own space during Covid if living with others
* The revealing nature of the pandemic. When distractions are stripped away we may find truths we haven’t wanted to face.
* The path of healing through clicks in our bodies (things we can’t reach alone just by talking that we need to feel)
* The long process that is memoir-writing. It’s not uncommon that it takes 8 to 10 years to write a memoir and why it’s important to know that.
* Why I started a coaching practice
* Decisions as we get older about what’s really important
* Uncovering authentic sexuality beyond all the cliches as life force energy, and how pussywalking is one easy way to tap into that life force energy
* Obstacles and opportunities of dating during Covid
* Rules of engagement in online dating
At the end of the podcast there is a special secret word for those of you who are interested in coaching with me… but you have to listen to the podcast to discover what that word is and what secret worlds it grants you access to visit!
Today is probably the best, purest American holiday based on a value that I most appreciate: gratitude.
It’s not always simple to access gratitude for the blessings in our lives–and there’s always something to be grateful for. I just wrote a three-page list of everything and everyone I am grateful for and there is so much. Even in this disaster of a year there is so much!
There was one Thanksgiving, maybe 2012, I spent alone in the year after I got diagnosed as celiac. I couldn’t deal yet with navigating life gluten-free at Thanksgiving. I spent the day alone in my Oakland apartment making a pot of chicken soup and dwelling on gratitude, which actually took me to a kind of high solitude state. This was the opposite of loneliness, of lack: I felt so abundant dwelling in myself, thinking about all the goodness in my life. I realized then it was possible to go on a gratitude fest alone on Thanksgiving. I love social Thanksgivings too–don’t get me wrong–but it was nice to realize that there was another solitude-filled way to celebrate too.
This year will be a combination for me: solo time today and tomorrow my family will gather for an outdoor Thanksgiving. Today it’s raining.
I’m grateful to all of you who have been readers of my books and corresponders from the newsletter, those who are eager for my memoir to come out (you help me keep going), those who have come on Tango Adventures and participated in online classes, those who have tried out pussywalking and written me about their experiences, and my coaching clients who I find to be amazing people. You quirky people are all pretty fantastic. I hope for new things to emerge to engage with you on after I finish up with this book – so stay tuned for 2021!
I hope you have a beautiful day whether alone or together. Make a list of everything, everything you are grateful for. It’s fun. Three pages minimum. Get super granular and quirky.
On this happy moment when we are on the verge of banishing the pussy-grabber-in-chief, I present to you a short pussywalking video. Kerry Lander, a lovely and very creative quirkyalone from Melbourne, Australia, learns pussywalking with us in Buenos Aires in the Tango Adventure.
I just got back from a camping weekend in southern Rhode Island near the beach, which means I took a two full days off screens. What a good decision to get offline for forty-eight hours! After two days away I’m noticing how hypnotizing screens can be… how much more ready I am to confront life and to take action.
Even though I didn’t sleep well on the camping trip (I’ve been struggling with insomnia lately like a lot of us!) I’ve come back with a dose of oompth that I have been so desperately waiting for. I have a new wave of energy.
I feel ready to do rather than despair. Wanna join me?
Now I am going to be perfectly honest. I have not been in the most empowered mood lately when it comes to the situation in the U.S., my home country. Our country is being led by a narcissist who only cares about himself, and that’s why we have more than 200,000 dead from coronavirus and no plan to control what seems to be a never-ending pandemic. Even when the one who needs no name knew the virus was fatal, he told people it was no worse than a flu. He brings together thousands of his own supporters without masks in campaign rallies, knowing some will die as a result. He’s a sadist, and he’s not dumb. He knows what he is doing.
But that’s not really the point.
We have been processing outrage and grief for four years now about the decisions made by this administration. Now is our time to make a difference, to stand up and use our voices. This is the time when we take all of that frustration and disgust into something. Conspiracy theories are multiplying everywhere which makes it more important to stand up and speak for basic values of kindness, dignity, love, community–coming together and being good for each other. Because Black Lives Matter. Because women matter. Because immigrants are human beings. Because we cannot ignore climate change for another second for the sake of younger people who are going to live on a warming planet. Because we really don’t want to lose our democracy.
Now I know a lot of people have less than thrilled feelings about the Democratic nominee Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. Believe me, Joe Biden was not my first choice by a long shot. But we don’t need perfect. Watching this video from Glennon and Amanda Doyle, I’m struck by this comparison. “When your house is on fire, you don’t wait to find the perfect house to move into. You just get yourself and your people the hell out of the burning house.”
We are the leaders we are waiting for. It is truly time to wake up and recognize ourselves that way because no one is going to save us! I felt my own leadership come back to me after taking time off in nature. You can do that too–do whatever you need as a pre-amble of self-care to find your own power and voice for this ultimate self-care of taking care of ourselves and our world.
Glennon is running this campaign as part of her nonprofit Together Rising which is all about pooling our small actions into meaningful impact. Here’s what Glennon and her sister Amanda say about the Challenge.
I am in.
“I will do everything I can to get us out of this burning house. That’s why today we are announcing WE CAN DO HARD THINGS: 40 Days of Outrage to Action.
Sister and I have been working closely with the Biden+Harris campaign and a wide variety of orgs mobilizing to preserve our democracy.
Every day until 11/ 3, Sister and I will offer a simple, effective way to turn our outrage, fear, and love into: Action, Information, and Healing.
Together, we will be: confirming our voter registrations, canvassing virtually, bolstering election security, activating in swing states; hearing from frontline warriors for justice; and collectively staying human, connected, and energized while we fight.”
Let’s do this together. In that video, Amanda encourages us to, “Get your people together.” “It’s like book club but it’s democracy club.”
Wanna be in the democracy club with me? If you want to be part of a group with me doing this then tell me in the comments of this blog post and we’ll see what we can create as a quirkytribe taking daily actions together.
I’m not sure what form this will take but I’m issuing the call now trusting that if enough of you want to do this together we’ll find a way to keep each other energized and accountable on the path toward November 3–so we can look at each other, our friends, our ourselves and know on that day we did all we could.
Let’s do this.
PS. Have you made a plan to vote yet? Have you checked to verify you are registered to vote? Maybe you don’t know if you need to reregister because you moved apartments or states?
If you’re figuring this out now, here’s a great website the SuperMajority Fund (which is building a powerful, diverse, women-led future where women are truly equal) to help check your registration and make a plan to vote in the best way for you. https://supermajority.com/educationfund-voter-checklist
I'm a women's empowerment coach. I talk to women about their lives and help them get unstuck and create the present and future that they want. My books Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics (Harper SanFrancisco) and To-Do List: From Buying Milk to Finding a Soul Mate, What Our Lists Reveal About Us (Simon & Schuster) have been featured in 100+ media outlets, including the New York Times, CNN, and NPR.
The best way to stay in touch is to sign up for my newsletter. See you in your inbox!
You're not alone. You're quirkyalone.
My weeklyish newsletter the Sasha Cagen Weeklyish goes out to 5,000 quirky souls.
Sign up to get inspiration to never settle, love yourself, and live a quirky life you love. You'll also get access to the quirkyalone quiz.
You're almost done!
Next step: check your email to confirm your subscription to the Sasha Cagen Weeklyish.
Sasha Cagen is the author of the cult favorite Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics and To-Do List: From Buying Milk to Finding a Soul Mate, What Our Lists Reveal About Us. Her work as an author, life coach for women and entrepreneur has been featured everywhere from NPR and the New York Times to CNN and Vogue.
In her well-loved newsletter going to thousands of women and men who identify with "quirkyalone," Sasha is the voice for people who don't want to settle--in any area of life.
In her coaching practice, Sasha helps smart, successful women (and sensitive, self-aware men) get clear on what they really want and then to achieve their goals while always helping her clients focus on core issues such as self-worth.