How to Be Direct

by | Mar 28, 2013 | Advice | 0 comments

buenos aires street art (bears getting direct)

buenos aires street art (bears getting direct)

What I have learned most from Portenos (Buenos Aires residents) is directness. They are the most direct people I have ever encountered. Not direct in the New York sense (gruff). They are emotionally direct about how they are feeling, unafraid to say everything: the good and the dark. I learn a lot from them. Sometimes their directness bothers me, but often it inspires me because we can all benefit from just saying it more often.

I posted this observation on Facebook and an Estonian friend who lives in Buenos Aires wrote, “I so agree with you, Sasha! Sometimes it [the Porteno directness] is overwhelming and I cannot stand it, but deep inside I admire them for not choosing the ‘right time’ to tell the serious stuff as this time almost never exists. By telling things out sooner than later, we also suffer less in total.”

I’m thinking a lot about directness as I prepare for teaching my upcoming Get Quirky course. What’s the connection between embracing your uniqueness and just saying it? Actually, they they are quite connected.

When you know yourself and own who you are—quirks and all—it’s that much easier to share yourself with others. To be direct. And just say it.

Here is the formula I have discovered:

1. Get quirky—be willing to understand your quirk and own it
2. Be willing to share it
3. Share it
4. Nirvana (well, at least better communication and connection)

I have had a direct experience with this connection and becoming more direct (like the Portenos) lately. I finally understood one of my own quirks in dating or meeting new friends. When I meet up with a new person for the first time, it is much better for me to set a time limit of an hour or an hour and a half. Otherwise I fade and disappear. This is one of my characteristics as a highly sensitive person. I absorb a lot of information and then I need a break.

I had been suffering by going out on three-hour-long meetings and feeling stuck because I thought that’s how it had to be. The other person would notice—Hey, you were there, then you disappeared. It felt icky.

Once I understood my quirk, and then was able to be direct and communicate it, the situation transformed.

I was able to say: I need to meet for just one hour when I meet with someone for the first time. When I shared this information, the other person was glad I had been so direct. He could understand me better. It all started with me getting clear on my own quirky needs.

My course Get Quirky will take you on a journey to get to know your quirky self. When you know yourself better and accept who you are, everything flows a bit easier. You can share who you are with others from a place of self-acceptance. In the big picture, when you respect your own quirky path through life everything flows better too.

You can also have fun with being quirky. Let’s be clear: this course is also about having fun in your daily life being quirky and appreciating the quirks of others.

Get Quirky is a safari of quirky through your own life for 30 days. It will start April 22. It’s going to be deep and magical and it’s going to be fun and totally unique.

Get Quirky will open you up to new discoveries about yourself and spark your creativity. If your daily life is feeling blah, if you feel like you need something new to inspire you and open you up to new discoveries about yourself and life’s possibilities, this class is for you.

Early Bird registration will open soon in the next week. Jump on this list and you will get access to a special early bird registration discount.

I look forward to getting quirky and direct with you!

Sashis (what Porteno friends sometimes call me)


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Hi! I’m Sasha

Executive and Life Coach on a mission to help women connect with their bodies to pursue their truest desires in the bedroom and the world.

Author of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics (HarperCollins) + To-Do List: From Buying Milk to Finding a Soul Mate, What Our Lists Reveal About Us (Simon & Schuster).

At work on a memoir called Wet, about adventures in healing through sensuality.

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