Have a Blah 2013!

by | Jan 1, 2013 | Advice | 5 comments

“Re Re Re Feliz 2013” means “Really Really Really Happy 2013” A sign spotted on my New Year’s Day walk in Buenos Aires

Here are my tips for how to have the most blah 2013 ever! Enjoy. Try these out and let me know how it goes! (This list came to me today while I was on a New Year’s wander around Buenos Aires. I was pondering how all the “happy 2013” messages can feel a little oppressive–I mean, can one really sustain “happiness” for a whole year? So I wondered what it would be like to give tips designed to help you have the most blah year ever and got going with this list.)

Have a Blah 2013

Be a grump.
Give yourself no credit.
Look for the worst in others.
Don’t move your body.
Wake up and worry.
Write massive to-do lists that you have no hope of accomplishing.
Spend at least eight hours a day on social media “liking.”
Don’t stand up for yourself.
Don’t talk to strangers–and never laugh and make jokes with them.
Don’t celebrate your birthday.
Walk around thinking you’re too fat.
If you have gained weight refuse to buy flattering clothes that fit.
Never relax.
Doubt every move you make.
If you are single assume it’s because there’s something wrong with you.
If you are in a relationship assume there is a better partner out there for you.
When you get sick and you don’t know what it is, Google your symptoms and assume you are going to die.
Keep your closet stocked with clothes that you don’t like, that don’t fit, and that you never wear.
If you are a single woman who likes sex and you are able to enjoy it outside of a committed relationship, call yourself a whore.
Be sure to stare into a smartphone every possible moment that you are not in front of a computer.
Settle.
Don’t floss! Whatever you do don’t floss!

5 Comments

    • sasha

      You too Laura! Ironically I wrote this post while I was negotiating a gluten-free meal at this cafe. An astonishingly rude waiter refused to answer questions about the “menu para celiacos” that they had printed on the menu so I “stood up for myself” (violating the rules for a blah year) and complained to the manager and then had a great meal and two free drinks on the house–a very nonblah experience in the end. However, I still wish you a BLAH 2013! xxx

      Reply
  1. Gluten Free Traveller

    Good on you for standing up for yourself and speaking with the manager! It’s hard but sometimes all we can do is that or walk away if we want to stay safe and healthy. 😀

    Reply
  2. Alex

    Crap! Scarily I read this list and realized I do at least half of the things you listed here. I think I know why 2012 was a blah year. Maybe ‘happy’ new year is too much to hope for, but would like something maybe just a step up from ‘blah’:)

    Reply
  3. sasha

    Hi Alex, Good for you. The first step in learning how to do something new is realizing where you have been off track–now when you catch yourself doing these things, you can link them in your mind with “blah” and train yourself to think in a different way. I wish you a step up from blah for 2013! 🙂

    Reply

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Hi! I’m Sasha

Executive and Life Coach on a mission to help women connect with their bodies to pursue their truest desires in the bedroom and the world.

Author of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics (HarperCollins) + To-Do List: From Buying Milk to Finding a Soul Mate, What Our Lists Reveal About Us (Simon & Schuster).

At work on a memoir called Wet, about adventures in healing through sensuality.

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